Who I Am

yard dog

I would like to start out by saying how glad I am to find a forum to discuss issues in my life very few people understand. I hope to learn a few things and possibly make some new friends along the way. I'm 34 years old and have been disfellowshipped for 17 years. My mother became a JW when I was about 6 years old and married a fellow JW when I was 8. I would say on a level of 1 to 10 they were a 7 or 8 on the tow the line meter. We never missed meetings,were fairly regular in field service and prepared for most meetings as instructed. Our haircuts were above the ear and dress was closely monitored for any individualism. No sports or extra curricular activities at school and no worldly associations. I was giving talks in the Theocratic Ministry School at 7 and was being groomed to be a pioneer or elder later in life. At 12 I auxiliary pioneered and at 15 had visited and toured Bethel. I certainly could keep going but you get the picture. At 16 the wheels started coming off of my parents skillfully crafted plan. Call it rebellion,puberty or the search for my own identity I decided being a JW wasn't for me. It took some time for my parents to catch on because I tried to live 2 lives but at 17 my mom caught me smoking and took me to the elders. At my judicial meeting I hid nothing and flat out told the elders where to stick it. From there I did it all. Women,drugs,drinking, and rock n roll. I became the poster child for what happens to those that leave Jehovahs organization. I figured armageddon was going to kill me soon so I didn't have much to lose. Well age and maturity have changed me considerably. Today I have been happily married for 7 years and have 3 beautiful children ages 5,2 and 1. Over the last 3 or 4 years I have begun to seriously study religion again because deep down I love rightousness and believe God wants what best for us. Through personal study I come to see that JW's as an organization have at best misinterpreted the Bible and at worst have outright decieved people. For years after my disfellowshipping I defended the organization as truth because it was all i knew but I've since found out there are flaws that can't be ignored. My only regret and the issue that haunts me the most is the lost relationship with my Mother. My step-dad and her are still highly loyal members and are always holding out hope for my return to the flock. My brother recently got married to a sister in his congregation and given my circumstances could not invite me. They barely know their grandchildren and make no real effort to even try despite my numerous attempts to encourage them to be more involved without me being around. It breaks my heart to see my children punished for my crimes and wonder how people who are to supposed to love God so much yet be so cold towards innocent children or their own son for that matter. Anyway, that's the skinny on my story. I could go on and on in much greater detail for days but this will do for now. I hope to have discussions with some of you in the future on both a personal level as well as a scriptural level as my true goal is to find some truths i can hold on to and make my own.

ugg

hi yard dog....welcome...it is nice to meet you...you will find people here in all situations!!!!! it is a very unique place...with personalities from here to there,,,,but,,,understanding and compassion is abundant,,and if you need help or support of any kind,,,EVERYONE will be there for you....enjoy.

ring

hi yard dog,

welcome to JWD, there are alot of things in this site you will find very

interesting...

Iwasyoungonce

Hey dog!

# 1 You are not a criminal for not being a Jehovah Witness, They are criminal (spiritually speaking) for trying to possess your free will (spirit)

Your children like mine are best shielded from the evil that the Jehovah's would try to do to them. They would hurt them to get to you.

And here is something that I will ask you to consider. You say that you love "rightousness." OK being good is a good thing. But, instead of trying to be a rightous man try to be a loving man. All the laws of the land basicly cover the rightous. But to be a loving man, the spirits of your children will grow knowing the love of their father. That is the best gift you can give them. I assume that you are close with your wife, that longing for the love of your parents, give that love to your wife and your kids. They can and will give you 10 times the approval that your parents can not give because they are not allowed to give any love without the permission of the WT, their master. My mother once (often) told me that no religion no government and no act on my part could ever make her not love me. She would come and see me no matter where I am in life. She loves me no matter what. As a man in my 30's I have come to realize just how lucky I am to have her. I know I will be that kind of father to my children and that kind of husband to my wife.

I can say that I know one thing that I have learned from them (WT). I know that I want to be nothing like them.

I say all of this because there is such a lack of love, true love with the witnesses. And I know that they know it even if no one will admit it. It is hard to love when you have lived (grown up with) that kind of life. Legalism is not a way to live spiritually. The legal weasles were the enemy of Christ. The leagle end of relgion "living pure" very well could be the death of the very concept of it. And I think that would be a good thing. No one is going to be shamed into being loving. It does not work that way.

outbackaussie

Your youth sounds all too familiar, I went through a similar experience. I look forward to chatting with you more round these boards. Welcome! :)

blondie

Welcome, yard dog. Sorry to hear about mother and step-father's lack of desire to see your children separately from you. Many grandparents would jump at the chance to indoctrinate them as some here have explained. It may be a blessing in disguise.

instead of trying to be a rightous man try to be a loving man.

Iwasyoungonce's suggestion jumped out at me. What a good suggestion for me too.

I've learned I am not unique at JWD and I learn something valuable every day.

Blondie

gumby

Hi yard dog,

Thanks for sharing your story. You are in the same boat as many of us here including myself. I have two grandchildren 7 and 10 and they can't see grandpa anymore. 17 years out of the Organisation is a long time away from family for you.

In 1 cor. 5:11 it says not to associate with anyone ...."called a brother" who does bad. What if you don't WANT to be a damn brother?? Why can't their policy at least say....."he doesn't claim to be a 'brother' so treat him simply as worldly". I asked my wife this and she had no answer.

I am glad you have got past much of that life and have a life of your own.....however......part of that life still haunts you as you have family still in. This site will be a comfort to you I hope.

Just remember.......their are ALL kinds here.........mostly all nice people.If they aren't nice.....they don't usually last.

Take care,

Gumby

outoftheorg

Hello Yardog and welcome.

Like others have said, you will find a lot of support here in a time of need. There is also a wealth of information to be found from the folks on this forum.

Youngonce I also related to the "try being loving versus righteous" statement.

I still struggle with this issue. I have been working on showing love and affection for others. Especially my children. But the righteous mind set of the wbts still intrudes in my mind and hinders the true display of love. I was not aware of this until I read your response to this post.

Thank you, thank you very much.

Outoftheorg

TR

Hi, yard dog.

Welcome!

Paragraphs, please. My eyeballs are gunna burst.

TR

yard dog

I would like to thank everyone for the warm welcome. That's definitely not something I recieved over the years in my few visits I've made to the Kingdom Hall since my disfellowshipping. I would also like to thank you for your insight regarding rightousness versus love. The rightousness frame of mind is still ingrained in me even after all these years. I never really thought about it until just now and I suppose that line of thinking eventually leads to self rightousness, something that has always seemed to permeate through the Society. I truly don't have much of a problem loving my wife and children. They are everything to me. My problem seems to be loving other people. I keep a relatively good distance from anyone outside my immediate family and don't want things to be that way. When I was became disfellowshipped it was like I died. Even though it was what I wanted it came with great sacrifice in regards to family and my closest lifelong friends. In some way im trying to avoid that again by keeping people at an arms length. Any thoughts or suggestions would be welcome. Thanks . Yard Dog

Who I Am

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