Detachment and Experimentation (page 2)

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joelbear,,,,hi,,,,i just wanted to encourage you to get to a doctor again...a chemical imbalance in the brain along with the daily "dung" of life can kill you....please joel,,,,i am speaking from experience,,,you really need some support....the first step is the hardest,,,as you are alone,,but,,you really need to do this....i think about you and worry....

SixofNine

Yardif, I'm curious how "peripheral neuropathy" affects you specifically?

LyinEyes

Joel, man I have been there so many times I get sick thinking of those days I too retreated to my bed. I had the remote in one hand and didnt even get up to eat. Which is very unusal , I love to eat, but I didnt have the want to , anymore.

I too, got into watching movies, and usually they were great movies, but only made me fee more alone and detached. The movies were fantasies of family life that was good , and it brought up feelings of sadnesses because I don't have my parents anymore. Or maybe a movie about someone that dreamed a dream and it came true for them, like being something special,which I felt I was not. I felt all the things in the world I could have been I never was allowed to do. Now I see that , yes, those days of my youth are gone, and the WT is to blame for some of my dreams not being reality, but I have new dreams now.

You have to have hope, even when there is not a drop of the stuff to be felt. Dig deep and find it, just hang on and let your medications work. The darn things can take up to 4 weeks to work. Please keep taking your meds and if anxiety is bothing you talk to your doctor about it, sometimes a short use of antianxiety drugs may help until the antidepressants kick in, then you can wean off anti anxiety meds. It is a lot better than buying a gun. Forget the gun, it will only make you tempted to do what you may only think of , out of a sheer moment of weakness.
Joel, I know you are probably sick of me telling you these things, but my mom killed herself, on a whim, if you ask me. There were no signs leading up to it, in fact I thought she was doing great. I mean the last week she was alive, things were looking up for her, her long battle of depression was ending it seemed. I know alot more about her condition now and from talking to her sister, and putting two and two together my mother was bipolar , but I never heard her say that word, or any doctors tell her that, or any meds for that. Joel, if things are not working , suggest to your doctor, other deeper mental illnesses than major depression. Go to a website and take a test for bipolar and tell your doctor if it seems to fit. Bipolar people get alot of moodswings and get very suicidal when depressed, more suicdal than those who have just major depression. The bipolar depression is so awful and the statistic of depressed biploars who commit suicide is very high.

Sorry if I have said too much, I am not trying to be a doctor here.... but I am telling you this from personal experience.

Iwasyoungonce

Joel,

I plan to visit the gun store this weekend. Maybe the reality of holding a gun in my hand and understand the reality of what it could do to me will shock me out of this downward spiral

Been there done that. I know the pain when it seems that no one cares including you.

Don't do that. My Email is open if you want to vent or talk.

Do you find comfort in music? I think that Creed's "Torn" could be a theme album for this forum.

I was once told that when you think that you can not bear one more day then close the door to your house lock it and go accross the tracks and help someone. Joel is there a soup kitchen or any other type of place like that around your town? Maybe a nuring home or hospital? It may sound silly but you would be amazed at the change in your spirit.

A friend,

Jay

BeelzeDub

Sorry to hear that you have been down. I hope you feel better soon. I miss reading your posts here. You have such a great sense of humor and I always made a point to read you posts and laughed many times at your witty replies to others.

I became very depressed after my divorce, I did nothing but watch TV and drag myself to work. My quality of work was way off and I felt horable. It did get better and it will for you also, don't give up.

Hugs, BD

Edited by - beelzedub on 4 December 2002 15:47:9

AwakenedAndFree

Dear Joelbear,

(((((HUGS)))))

I'am sorry for what you are going through. I'am happy to know that you are under a doctor's supervision for your depression. Please don't go to the gun store!

In order for us to feel completely tranquil within ourselves, we have to become spiritual persons, dwell on spiritual things and develop a close relationship with God. Our Creator created us with a need to worship Him; and that is what true happiness means to us -that we draw close to Him. I would like to share these Scriptures with you that show us that God cares about us:

JAMES 4:8,10:(8) " Draw close to God, and he will draw close to you. Cleanse YOUR hands, YOU sinners, and purify your hearts, YOU indecisive ones." (10):"Humble yourselves in the eyes of Jehovah, and he will exalt you."

Christian Love,

AwakenedAndFree

Edited by - AwakenedAndFree on 4 December 2002 16:21:55

Edited by - AwakenedAndFree on 4 December 2002 16:28:32

Yadirf

SixofNine,

Sorry for the delay, I've been off wondering around. :)

"Peripheral neuropathy" describes nerve damage in the extremities, for example in the feet and legs, hands and arms. In my particular case it began with my feet but since then it has slowly progressed up into my calves, and now more recently I have begun to feel the beginnings of it in the tips of my fingers (stinging and/or tingling). One of the primary sensations felt is that it's as if the person with PN is walking barefoot on rocks, and so it's quite uncomfortable to be on one's feet. Then, as PN progresses, the affected limbs become numb. Presently, I have numbness in parts of both my feet and toes. There is an accompanying burning sensation that, unless one is on a pain medication, won't allow the person to sleep. The feet are "tight" and feel much like they are in a vise.

Insofar as the cause of PN, when the source can't readily be determined I've read that then it's generally blamed on poor nutrition. (My doctors simply say that they don't know what caused it.) People that are diabetics are especially prone to acquire PN. But, I'm not a diabetic. There are also certain medications that can induce PN in a person, I've recently learned. Too, certain toxins, such as mercury, can damage the peripheral nerves. And, regarding "mercury," I recently found out that the amalgam fillings ("silver fillings") that dentists have used for well over a century now are composed of 50% mercury (each containing about the equivalent found in a thermometer). And now, it's claimed, that over the years the mercury leaks out in the form of vapor and is absorbed into the body. Simply because of what I've read over the Internet regarding amalgam fillings, and also because my doctors haven't a clue as to the source for my PN, I'm presently undergoing the process of getting the 6 amalgams removed from my teeth, two at a time, over a period of about 90 days (3 sessions all together). I've gotten one session out of the way already. However, even if the mercury that has been in my teeth since I was a teenager were by some chance the actual "source" of my PN, my ridding myself of the amalgams won't reverse the damage that's already been done. All such a precaution will hopefully do is stop the progression of the PN.

Insofar as PN goes, I wouldn't wish it off on my worst enemy. It's a terrible thing to live with.

.

Bendrr

Joel, you've got mail.

Mike.

SixofNine

Yardif, thanks for informing. That has to be hell. I really admire the efforts of anyone who lives with pain and outwardly makes a semblance of gracious living (you manage that sometimes ).

I appreciate the perspective, thanks.

breeze

Yadirf...

I have been recently diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy also. Mine is in the early stages and is not as extreme as yours. The pain is pretty constant and some days are much worst than others. The doctors have told me that mine is from alcohol abuse? The depression comes from just not being able to get around without the pain?

Joelbear...

Some of your loner feelings come from your families shortgivings....as age progresses you may feel more comfortable alone. I know that I get more comfort now from being alone that ever before in my life. I am a people person but I do like my solitude, occansionally. Just don't try to figure out everything. Some things can't be answered, of course unless you ask Farkel....he knows everything....

I love you even though you are a major pain in the ass.....you know that I feel that way about many people....to give you a barometer....Farkel is much more that a pain in the ass....he doesn't even rate....you are much higher on the scale than most of my friends...

Mom, DAD, wife, kids, sibs, friends, customers, bosses, people on the street that I don't know, devil, DUBS, Farkel....

To be taken in general terms....not specific...

Edited by - breeze on 4 December 2002 19:7:29

Detachment and Experimentation

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