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moreisbetter

I'm 40+ female in N. TX. I haven't been attending for at least 8 years. I don't know if I'm DF or DA or just considered inactive. Or disappeared. I was raised a JW as were my parents. My grandmothers were devout until their deaths. Even my great-grandmothers became Russelites. My parents still are JWs and as well as my only sib & her family. I married a ministerial servant when he was 23 & I was 16. We led a blah, blha JW life. He became an elder & we had 4 kids before I was 27.

As an elder, he was DF in 89 based on lies. Before the investigation barely began, the gossip was hot. His closet friends, friends so close they were considered family, business associates & acquaintances from many congs. listened & took part in the gossip. And turned their back on him & his family (no one contacted me to ask how our family was dealing with all of this). It was gossiped about openly while building the assembly hall! What's so sick about this, & what I have the biggest problem with is: AlLL THESE PEOPLE WERE ALSO ELDERS, EVEN A CITY OVERSEER! They KNEW it was wrong to even say one word about it unless they were the 3 on the Judicial Committee. The investigation took months. The appeal was a useless waste of time. He was DF but the gossip continued. As well as the cold shoulder to his family. We struggled spritually & financially, but his dear friends forgot our phone number. Nobody cared about HIS children, 2 of which were in their early teens, and was aware & understood many of the nuances of what was going on. He was reinstated 9 mos later when evidence of the lies was brought to their (elders) attention. but the DF wasn't retracted.

Why do I have a problem with all of this? What made me leave "the Truth"? They murdered an innocent, good man. What I mean by that is his sprirt, his will & desire to serve Jehovah, was destroyed. OH HELL, his will to live beyond financially providing for his children, was destroyed. No, we did not pick up from our "happy little JW" lives where it was rudly interrupted and continued. His children became all he lived for financially. That was his focus, his drive, his will, his only reason for living [from my perspective]: provide the best for his children. (Now that they arre al adults except one, he's changed a little for the better)

I didn't do him any favors either. The change in him was also the last straw in our marriage. It was never the best, but survivable before the DF. I left in '92 because of my adultery. I was privately reproved for my offense because I was genuinely repentent (yes, I was). We did try, but we still could not make the marriage work. We continued living apart for 9 yrs. We divorced in '01. I don't think he has attended a meeting or anything else for as long as I have. He still follows all the rules, (well, getting lax about a few!),

But not me. I had a problem with the religion since I was a child, but it didn't click until I was out. Now, I daily commit a lot of DF offenses. And proud of it. Plus, and this is also kinda personal, not one elder in 3 congregations has tried to contact me in 9 1/2 yrs to find out where I stand. Through my ex & parents, I know some elders know how I feel. I have even been caught smoking, but still nothing. I have not recieved mail from them, nor communication via my ex about any action taken against me.

I have never discussed my thoughts, feelings, negative or positive, my hurt, any of the above s**t, with another JW, current or EX until a week ago. in any way. This is a very strange feeling & has had an interesting impact on my life. Except for a handful of semi non-JW friends & therapists, I've never told anyone for 8+ yrs.. Definitely not the same as telling this to people "who know".

Well, its late. I did not intend this to be long & boring, much less detailed. This is actually what I came here for:

I would like to make email contact with xJWs from the Oak Cliff section of Dallas, central Dallas, ANY Dallas or Arlington TX areas. Anywhere else is welcom as well. young or old. I currently live & work in FW. Just to talk at first. Maybe meet later.

If you've read this far, thanks for hanging in there. Peace, & may you have all that you want.

Brummie

I did not intend this to be long & boring

There is NO WAY that was boring, I'm in the UK but hope you will get to meet friends here who are closer to you who you can chat to and share with.

Glad you shared with us, 8 years is a long time to bottle it all up.

WELCOME aboard

Brummie

Kingpawn

Your story wasn't boring at all! Sad, and typical, from what I've seen in the almost six months I've been here.

Some people who went through what you did would have done almost anything to get reinstated despite any doubts they had.

And you sounds very well-adjusted, iow not carrying a lot of baggage from it, which is great. Many don't come out of it that unscarred.

Welcome.

ring

hi moreisbetter,

interesting story, thanks for sharing

welcome to JWD

moreisbetter

Hi to all of you too! Thanks everyone for the welcome & kind words. It has been a long time to keep it inside. It has been a very interesting week talking to people who know what I'm talking about. Even if it has been over the net.

I've gotten a lot off my chest & put a few things in perspective. I'm looking forward to more

rebuilding94

Hi moreisbetter, Not boreing, at all.

Im new here too,welcome. I hope you experiance,what I have in the short time Ive been here. A real warm welcome.

I too kept stuff in, I think it hurt's us in the long run. The thing's that ex JW's have to endure is harsh and unusal punishment. So keep talking, and heal.

garybuss

Hi moreisbetter,

Welcome! The elders and other JWs are not aware that we continue to be "believers" for years after we leave association. They are taught we have turned our backs on God and them and hate them when we quit associating. They are trained to take everything everybody does personally. Group teachings are in pyramid style and they believe that there is never a good reason to quit associating. Even if one is shunned, there are still expectations and rules for continued association.

The teachings we heard while we sat at group meetings of love and kindness are lost to them in their fear and their loyalty to the group leaders. Privileges of service, positions of prestige, and social standings are at stake. Life as an agent for the Watch Tower Publishing Corporation is more like being a citizen of a country than being just a member of a religion. The loyalties are deeper than resentment or reason can usually reach. The only comfort and safety for them is in loyal submission.

All members are expendable to all other members. None of it is as we were taught. Secrecy, closed doors, new tougher rules, impending doom, and the threat of rejection is the norm.

Now the job is to recover mentally, emotionally, and financially. The first step for me was to find out exactly what had been done to me. The next was to challenge all those group doctrines that were my flawed core beliefs.

This forum is a pretty good place to challenge some of those flawed beliefs.

Best wishes,

gb

The Way I See it http://www.freeminds.org/buss/buss.htm

Shakita

Welcome moreisbetter: I'm sorry that the JW's destroyed a good man. The lies that led to your ex-husbands dfing undoubtedly led to the destruction of your marriage. The sad part is that it didn't have to be this way. This religion is responsible for destroying innocent families. Not only that, but they also destroy a persons psyche as well. Because we were taught that this is God's organization. So, if we leave this organization whether voluntary or forced then we have lost God's love. Additionally, the loss of lifetime friends and family is devestating to ones mental health.

If you haven't already done so I would recommend reading Ray Franz's Crisis of Conscience. It shows unequivocally that the claim of the Wt that this religion is the "truth", the only religion approved by God, is a vicious lie. There are many other excellent books that also expose the WT for who they really are. Carl Olof Jonsson has written a couple of great books that you might find interesting. "The Gentile Times Reconsidered and The Sign of The Last Days-When, are two books that are very eye opening. You'll be able to see the real truth unclouded by Wt doctrine. There's also a book that recently came out by Diane Wilson called "Awakening of a Jehovah's Witnesses." I haven't read it, but others have and have found it to be a good read. Once you can see that this religion isn't all it's cracked up to be (And the Wt is cracked up ) then you can begin to heal and go on with your life. There are also many web sites that exose the WT. I like www.freeminds.org. There is a links to other sites on the freeminds site that will take you to scores of other sites that expose the WT. There are also books that expose cults and their methods of recruitment. Steven Hassan wrote a book on that. He used to be a moonie and now he tries to help others caught up in a cult. I'm sorry I can't remember the book's title. Anyone? Once you can free your mind from all the WT fear mongering, such as, everyone not a JW will be squashed like a bug at Armageddon you can begin to live your life to the fullest. Again, welcome moreisbetter. I hope to "hear" from you soon.

Mr. Shakita

ugg

oh gosh,,,how awful for you....i am glad you are here...you will find comfort and understanding..sadly your story is not unique....it is just a small part of a greater HORROR STORY,,,,stick around...in time you may start to heal....i hope so...(((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))

kelpie

((((((((moreisbetter))))))))))

No one's personal story is ever boring. Each one is important as the last. We all came here to air our greviences and to start on the road to being a "normal" human being. Not some brainwashed zombie yes person.

We have all left and all had different experiences leaving but when we come here we pull to gether and help each. As you will read from different threads, this place had helped many poeple, me included.

I am in Australia and not being Ex Jw's are here in the place I live so i turn to the board for help.

Hope to talk to you soon

Regards Kelpie

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