Just new here (page 2)

Welcome, Moreisbetter. Great story - not boring in the least. There are lots of xJW's from Texas here, but not me. I am in Canada. Check out who is in chat about 8:00 in the evening. A bunch of 'em sign on about then.

mouthy

Moreisbetter! I didn't find your story boring either, Sad-but isnt anyones life that has been in a cult....

I think you sound like you have it together. Sorry about the marriage -but sad for the hubby also.

So many kill themselves after they experience the LOVE of the WatchTower ..

Hang in there my love- I am the "granny" on board- was there for over 20 years!! Kiccked out cos I dont believe Jesus came invisably in 1914..

I am SO happy they "ousted" me. I have seen more love on this board than I have in my 75 years...

( hugs) Grace

moreisbetter

thank you all for the welcome. Amazed, shocked, stunned.....I joined a different board last week & this board yesterday. From reading the posts, those are the feelings that I've had all week. I just never knew there were people like me. I never associated these things with being a witness. For example:

people feeling that their youth were stolen (my words) because we were prevented from continuing our education. I was forced to quit school after 10th grade because my parents, father especially, thought it was just too bad an association for me. that year I was allowed to go on my one & only overnight school trip. A boy showed interest in me. I was so desparate to be noticed and have attention, I went with him to his room. Yep. He began "feeling me up" all over. In retrospect I liked it. We didn't have sex because we were interruped by his roomate. I got scared & left. My conscience bothered me so much I told my closed friend at the KH about it. She encouraged me to do the "right thing" & go to my parents & elders. I did & meetings were held. My friends father was the PO. The committee was kind, completely different from the horror stories I've been reading. I had hoped that I would get a Private Reproof, but because I told g/f, then it was "public knowledge " I got public reproof.

I've been chemically treating depression for 15 years - way before leaving. I always thought it was the chemical imbalance & my particular family upbringing. Which caused it. I kinda, sorta thought is was because of the JW life, but not that much. NOW I know its the majority. To be fair, its not all, but the majority.

I was one of those parents that spanked their children in order to behave, sit still, at meetings. "Spare the rod; spoil the child". My mom did it, as well as my grandmother. At home, it was abuse, pure & simple. My 2 older children suffered the most. I mellowed a little when # 3 came along. I probably just didn't care when #4 came. I was depressed, & when the "87 Awake article about mental illness being physical came out, well it was OK to see a psychiatrist. I did, got on meds for 3 mos, gained 50 pounds, slept during the day, awake at night, yada, yada, yada.. I still felt guilty & worthless, so one snowy afternoon, while the kids were out playing, right after the 1st of the year in 88, I took the whole bottle of some drug I was on that was a tranquilizer. I ended up in the hospital under a court order. I spent 5 weeks in the hospital. I've never touched my children in anger since. I really think thats why I left him. I could feel that anger bulding to a point I didn't think I could control.

Since being on my own for 10 years, things are very much improved. I'm very different. Except for the depression. Like I said in my 1st post, I commit a DF sin every day. I recently asked the Universe to remove some "kind" of blocks in me that was preventing a relationship from going forward. Almost immediately I found these sites because I stumbled upon them by accident looking for somehting else.

Thank you all once again for responding with kindess & encouragement. And to all of those whose posts I'm reading. The healing has begun

Sincerely, Theresa

BTW, I'm also "gift wrap challenged" lol! Now I never really thought that was JW related, But its True!!!

Shakita

Theresa: I'm sorry to hear of your long struggle with depression. The problem with the JW's is that they exacerbate any mental illness by recommending more service, meetings, study, etc. Actually, if a JW doesn't have some form of mental illness that is a shocker. There was so much pressure put on us as JW's to live up to the impossible. Then when each of us failed to live up to the impossible we began to be crushed by guilt, feelings of failure, low self-esteem, the feeling that we have failed everyone, including Jehovah himself. Our bodies respond to unrelenting pressures in various ways. Some react to the punishing on our bodies with severe depression. It's a way of our bodies telling ourselves, STOP! I need rest. I need to laugh. I need to enjoy life. I need to be happy. An ex-JW named Jerry Bergman wrote a book about Mental Illness Among Jehovah's Witnesses. I haven't read it, but there does seem to be some validity to more mental illness among the JW's.

I hope that you're not punishing yourself anymore with regret and recrimination. I personally did that to myself and it has led to another bout of deep depression. As parents we did the best we could with the circumstances that we were dealt. I have punished myself severely with regret and guilt over how I raised my children. All I succeeded in doing was pummeling myself to a pulp and thus increase my depression. I did what I did because of what the Watchtower taught. I thought they were from God and that I should follow everything they taught to the letter. So, it was devestating to find the truth about this religion. That I didn't have to be so strict with my children. Isn't it true though Theresa that we weren't all wrong? Didn't we try to the best for our children because we deeply love them? I feel that talking to a therapist about what you have suffered at the hands of the JW's will go a long way in helping you heal. That's what I intend to do. I have already discussed some of these issues with a therapist and it has alleviated my depression somewhat. But like anything else, healing will take time. We can't heal overnight from abuses that we have suffered over a lifetime from this religion. There is light at the end of the tunnel. A normal life with all its craziness, but with joy and laughter as well. Please tell me how things work out. To know that someone cares will help the healing process along.

Mr. Shakita

moreisbetter

This is so bazarre. I discovered exJWs & a venue to talk to them only a week ago. I spent the better part of the week on another board & joined this one early Sat. I feel like I've had a mountain crubmle on me & a mountain lifted off me. I don't want to be considered a drama queen, but all this time has been so bazarre!! In my posts, I have vacillated between the person that I was & the person that I am today, and they are very different. And frankly, I feel a little schizophrenic! I started to post earlier to ask if this was a normal reaction.

No, i havn't stop the self pummeling in regards to my children. I don't have the close relationship with my son, the oldest, that i have with my 3 daughters, but its ok. My oldest daughter & I have talked about her upbringing & forgives (?) the things that happened. She even believes the discipline has helped her along her path as a successful adult. She will give birth any day now to her own daughter. I hope with all my being the cycle is not just broken, but abolished. My other daughters is a work in progress.

I'm rambling a bit. I agree with everything you said. They are so true & very comforting. Today, in the "world" I'm actually considered a very logical, grounded, paitient, strong individual. I'm still sensitive, shy & have low self esteam. I still have issues, or blockages, in my life that I allowed to inhibit further progress toward my goals. I think thats why I'm here. To open that last big fat can of worms and let them go free.

I will keep you posted if you wish. Thank you so much.

Gopher

I will keep you posted if you wish.

We wish! Welcome to the board!

mouthy

Ditto ((((hugs)))) moreisbetter

CBeMe

Welcome moreisbeter.

CBeMe

Valis

moreisbetter has mail...

The sad tale set forth by moreisbetter is a revelation to me. I only ever heard the other end of the gossip about her husband and family. That's the way it works in JWland...how odd for it to take almost 20 years for Jehovah to take care of business, if we want to talk about what truth is. I can attest to the fact that there was indeed at least one friendship ruined by all of that. My dad lost one of his best friends, someone he had basicaly grown up with, and over something stupid that should have been no one's business anyway. Welcome to the board mib, you will find lots of good people here and I look forward to speaking with you soon.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer of the "Beverly Hills Hellraiser" class

Just new here

Mac

jgnat

mouthy

moreisbetter

Shakita

moreisbetter

Gopher

mouthy

CBeMe

Valis

Share this