Jo
you should be here with me, everyone else is passed out (or sleeping") what ever you calll it, and im sitting here on this strange puter just trying to have fun
Happy Mothers Day-WARNING-me venting
by joannadandy 16 Replies latest jw friends
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Sirona
Hi Joanna,
This sounds JUST LIKE my mother and I at the moment. She is constantly saying things that wind me up. What hurts most is the suggestion that I'm not a good enough daughter (she's said that lots of times). I find it strange that she expects me to be close to her when she shows me little respect.
Honestly I wonder about the JW thing. She seems to think that because I chose to leave Jws that I'm not capable of other decisions (in her mind that was such a BAD move, how could I be capable of making the right decision in my life?).
I'm still trying to work through it aswell. One point I should mention is that you should not blame yourself when she does this. I've done that for years and only recently did I start to consciously tell myself "its not your fault" when she insulted me. Don't blame your hormones....its probably a perfectly natural reaction to the way your mum is treating you. I know the feeling - utter frustration.
Good luck,
Sirona
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Pathofthorns
Hey Joanna,
I sort of relate to what you were saying. I tended to get compliments from anywhere but my parents. Everytime the phone rang and it was them, it was always some criticism or lecture.
So when we didn't see eye to eye on the "truth" thing, I never hung off them trying to have a relationship with them. That would only give them a sick power over me so I just moved on.
It is very important for all of us to feel good about ourselves from the inside out. We can't let people, things and the world around us dictate our happiness and self-worth. But to some degree externals do affect us so for me it is best to dispense with people that try to bring me down and surround myself with those that share a mutual respect for the dignity of others. And then there are those times that you will have to be comfortable all by yourself.
In this world there are always people seeking to get the upper hand on you and control you. But it only is that way when you let them.
Joanna, you will be a good teacher. Love your students and remember the cool teachers you had over the years and learn from the mistakes of the ones you didn't like.
Path
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lauralisa
Joanna,
It is not about YOU! It is not about you. Your mom has pain and turmoil in her heart, and she has put you in the completely untenable position of having to meet her emotional needs. Of course, first you must read her mind, determine stuff that she herself remains oblivious to (denial is god among jw's, but you already knew that) and throw your own individuality out of the window so you can provide her with some magic phrase which will relieve her inner tension. As if.
You could never do any of these things. It is not your job to meet her needs, nor to be her therapist. Any time a parent requires that their child "make things feel better" results in the exact type of dialogue you described in your initial post. It's just beyond fucked, so, like, don't play! You can't win.
You are awesome, IMO. You will be a fabulous teacher. You are one of those kinds of people - I dunno - it's just GOOD to spend time with you - you "leave the park looking better than it did before you got there" kinda people. I wish you were closer geographically. Not that it would matter, because soon we will be blocks of ice up here in this freaky arctic state.....
You could be the perfect child, (probably are....) and she would still try and make you do these psycho gymnastics, I suspect. So, don't dance with her.
Hugs, lauralisa
PS to Brummie: Joanna spelled 'judgment' correctly which is quite remarkable so she gets extra credit!
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joannadandy
Scully- Thank you for that! You gave me lots to ponder in that post. You have always been very sweet to me on this board, and I have always valued your opinion. So thanks for taking the time to respond, and thanks for just being on this board. YOU ROCK!
Wednesday-
My mom never talked to me and would have never shared her dreams with me.
That is so sad, I'm sorry you're not close to your mom either, oh well, at least we know where not alone in this right? (HUGS TO YOU)
Not Interested- Would we be naked? Just kidding! Thanks cutie. I wish I could have been there with you, it was no fun staying home with my mother and doing homework all weekend. Dude! When are we gonna get drunk again!!?
Sirona- You have summed up my relationship with my mother in two simple sentences.
What hurts most is the suggestion that I'm not a good enough daughter (she's said that lots of times). I find it strange that she expects me to be close to her when she shows me little respect.
(HUGS TO YOU AS WELL) It means a lot to me that you shared your story as well, thank you.
Path-
That would only give them a sick power over me so I just moved on.
I know what you mean. I am trying. It's just hard. I have said so many times I am "done" with her, meaning I won't let her control my emotions, and I won't go out of my way to have a relationship with her, and then just one phrase sets me off. I am not innocent in this, I know I say mean and hurtful things to her too...it's just a nasty cycle, one I don't think she and I will ever break out of.
And Last, but NEVER least,
Laura-
You will be a fabulous teacher. You are one of those kinds of people - I dunno - it's just GOOD to spend time with you - you "leave the park looking better than it did before you got there" kinda people.
Hun ya made me burst into tears with that one! I do believe that is the nicest compliment I have ever gotten in my life! And it means so much because it comes from you. You have been so sweet to me, I am so glad that I can call you a friend. You always seem to know what to say whenever I rant about my mom, and you're always spot on with your advice. So thank you thank you thank you! (BIG HUGS TO YOU TOO, CUZ I CAN!) -
eyegirl
((((((((((((((((((jo)))))))))))))))))))))
i think maybe our mom's really do know each other--cripes do they give JW mom classes or what??!?
btw.....if you and not interested are going to be naked and drinking--hey, i wanna be there too!! monkeytoes!!!!!! heehee.
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