I have been df'd for a good long time and have gone/going through the different stages of the healing process but I dont think that I am anywhere to giving up all of my deep-seated anger and hostility that I continue to have. I have gotten attatched to it, ironically enough. My moral and maybe somewhat ethical delimmna is: I am in a service provider position and I provide translation services for members of a specific community of interest...problem is that a certain person has come into my focus of the world...an elder.......a great many bones in my body want to manipulate and maneuver his life into the palm of my hand....then CRUSH him. Is that BAD of me? I just recently met this "brother" I shudder to call him. I dont even really know him...just the fact that he is a jw elder makes me want to grind him under the heel of my shoe...I havent taken any steps toward any actual actions against him but grrrrr....I SOOOO want to...I have some type of professional courtesy that I picked up somewhere...so far it is all that has stood in between of my seething venom and his clueless mask of total idiocy....any ideas..comments...places a good high powered grenade launcher can be purchased?
moral dilemna
by zanex 27 Replies latest jw experiences
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dannyboy
zanex,
"Getting back" in the sense you suggest (I'm sure your comments are tongue-in-cheek) would feel good only for a very short time. Then you would remember that the elder is just another victim of the Watchtower Society, just like you and me. Sort of like getting back at the bullet instead of the shooter, if you follow me.
Victims of victims.....
Even the demise of the Society will still leave a huge earth-wide collection of broken lives, and fractured personalities.
My two cents.
---Dan
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nelly1
zanex i understand the anger you must be feeling but remember he is an individual and you are angry at the org and whatever it is they have done to you and others, and he may still be in the dark about things just like we were once.
he is probrably just doing what he thinks is right, put yourself in his shoes imagine if you were he and someone else was feeling that about you, the best way to deal with it if you dont want much to do with him is just see him as u do any other person just another human being, and treat him like you would want to be treated, take his elder label off, remember hes a person too, please remember that you are angry at the organisation as a whole not an indvidual, and im sure underneath all your pain and anger you are a loving person, or striving to be one, so look on this person with pity that he doesnt know what you know ok, its not his fault hes been mislead by them just like we have, and hes not a mind reader he doesnt know what you have suffered, so to take it out on him as an individual would not be fair, i know youl do the right think my friend...
love nelly
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zanex
yah...got a point there...but just for a moment it felt good to be in such power over someone that was such in a control position of rank and file suckers...but a good two cents...it did make me stop and think about the consequences of that type of action...
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Yerusalyim
Provide the services of your job, get as close and personal as you can, be chummy, let him become dependent on your services. Make him LIKE you, GO ABOVE and BEYOND what your job calls for. When he thanks you say, "See the Society said all us DF'd apostates were bad guys"
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DakotaRed
Zanex, if it makes you feel better, sit and devise various methods of doing this guy in. But, don't actually do it. The mere thought that you have that power should be a good feeling. But, to actually do it would end up hurting you and lower yourself to their level. You are a much better person that they are, we all see that.
Something funny like that happened to me just today. I have missed all the exJW meetups and so have a couple of others here locally. Three of us decided to meet today, just to say hi and get to know each other. I was discussing the time when I threw the two elders out of my house, a couple years ago. We were sitting in the donut shop, eating donuts and having a cup of coffee, when I looked out the front window and almost messed in my pants. I couldn't believe my eyes. The very elder I had just mentioned not 5 minutes before was getting out of his car with another elder (not the one that accompanied him that day). The lady got frightened that I would make a scene and tell him off. But, I didn't. I'm not even sure he recognized me, but I sure recognized him. But, the feeling that I had the power to ruin his morning made me smile real big inside. After they left, the three of us sat and laughed at how ridiculous he looked and I shared more of how I threw him out and why. So, I got my satisfaction just in knowing I could have messed with him and he, being identifiable as who he was, couldn't do much to me.
Just remember, you are better than they are and are free. They are still imprisoned.
Lew W
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Simon
Don't let them mess up your life any more by retaliating.
Leaving and being happy, living a normal life is getting back at them plenty. Trust me ... they really hate to see people leave and get on with life. They want you to be bitter and lash out. Don't give them the satisfaction.
Planning it can be good fun though ...
Edited by - Simon on 11 December 2002 17:52:24
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zanex
nelly: u have a lot of faith that I will do the RIGHT thing...you sound as if you have released yerself of a lot of that resentment and anger that seems to predominantly exist within those that have left THAT organization, I am envious. who knows I may just leave the guy alone...I havent really decided yet...
yeru: hmmm gettin up close and personal would seriously test my resolve to not wrack chaos on him...I dunno...I dont have the faith in my "good side" that nelly seems to have...i havent a clue what I am gonna do...I'll keep goin to the assg's and see what happens...who knows!
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nelly1
well zanex mate i only stopped going 3 months ago, and beleive me i know all about elders and what they do my friend, but they r all individuals and for all you know he may be a very loving person and straight up so mate dont judge all people by a few, give him the benefit of the doubt, be polite and i think what that other guy suggested is a good idea be super nice to him then at the end say that, heaps firey coals in a good way makes ppl think :) and as far as me resolving anger is concerned no i havnt in fact all the things that you want to do to that elder i want to do to certain people for good reasons because the sons of bitches deserve it, i havent as yet felt that toward Jw that i dont know, the org yes but not individuals unless the actually hurt me, but beleive me i know all about anger my friend, and pain and all that stuff, we need to help each other and anyone who needs to vent im more than good at listening..
love ya
nelly
Edited by - nelly1 on 11 December 2002 18:14:54
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zanex
dakta: I did like that story...just HAVING the power to wreak havoc on their lives is something that does give me some type of satisfaction...maybe i can contain it to that...
simon: hmmm ya know for a great many years I thought that there could be no greater pleasure than to manipulate as many jws as I possibly could....I wonder what those years have cost me. You said, "Leaving and being happy, living a normal life is getting back at them plenty" a normal life...I wish I could say that I knew what 'normal' life was. You make a good point but they took from me,that knowledge of WHAT a 'normal' life was.