Zanex,
There is one thing I've always liked about you. It's how very real and honest you get about yourself and your emotions. That takes a level of humility that is rare. I think it's great that you do things like talk to us, rather than just giving in to your temptations and letting your frustrations hurt others. I feel for you and the frustrating aspects of your situation. I know that your rage and anger comes from deep pain. The fact that you talk to us about it, suggests to me that you don't reeeally want to go off and hurt someone else, as tempting as the thought can be.
Here are some suggestions:
Try and see him as a human being, rather than as an "elder" who represents everything vile ever done to you.
Elder really is just a title. He really is just a man. He shits, showers, 'n shaves, just like the rest.
I've always found earlobes kind of amusing. If somebody is gettin' to me, it helps me to remember that they have earlobes, just like me. lol.
All seriousness aside though, What would you tell someone else to do, if they were in a similar position?
Is this man your client? Is there someone else in your company that can take this client on?
Why put yourself through dealing with him if you aren't in an emotionally healthy position to handle it?
Something tells me that you are able to get honest with yourself and humble about your capabilities in dealing with this man.
Find other ways to take out your frustration and rage and deal with your pain. Seriously, go for a run or pump some iron.
Seek counselling for further effective ways to manage your anger. Have u been prescribed medication? Take it!
Talking to us is a good start, but if it's eatin' u up and gaining control over you, please go get some help for yourself.
Especially if you are becoming attached to your anger.
You said you have come a long way through various healing stages (or something like that)....
You've got some good things happenin' in your life now. Hang on to that. Be proud of that.
Don't give up on yourself by retaliating to their level.
Retaliation usually only serves to escalate the problem. Not resolve it.
Read "Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker.
Watch "Bowling for Columbine" a documentary by Michael Moore.
Remember your little girl. You have the chance to be the world to her. Nobody else can replace you for her. Nobody else can send the same kind of messages to her that you can. What you do, will without a doubt impact her life.
Zanex, you've been through plenty already. You deserve, just as much as anyone else does, to live a quality of life free from the anger and pain you carry around. I look forward to hearing more about how you have succeeded in your battle.
Someone once said to me, "you are at the end of your rope aren't you? well, tie a knot and HANG ON!" ;)
(((((((((hugs for u and yours)))))))))
SPAZ
editted for typos
Edited by - SPAZnik on 11 December 2002 20:24:1
