I've been nursing a concern for my step son, and there ain't much I can do to prevent what's coming, or what I think is coming. We're going home to Illinois in about a week for Christmas. Sean, my step son, was a JW but is now in classes and expects to be baptized into the Catholic Church in April 03. Here's the hitch. The day after Christmas Sean goes to spend a week with his Father. Dad and new step mom are fairly rabid JW's. I'm about 90% sure I overheard Garry tell Sean that he'd have to "talk to the Elders" while he was home. I'm smelling a Judicial Committee. Sean is 20 years old, but has autism. I'm worried for his emotional health, and I can kinda see that he's not looking forward to this either. I try to remind Sean that he's 20, and can make his own decisions and can choose NOT to talk to the Elders if he wishes. Why would a father put his son through such BS. After all Garry let his wife kick Sean out because she didn't get along with him. What more does this guy want from Sean?
Worried for step son
by Yerusalyim 12 Replies latest jw experiences
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Joyzabel
Ahh Yerusalyim,
where's the mercy, compassion and love?
Please don't let your step-son be subjected to a discussion he may not be able to defend himself.
Hugs,
j2bf
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ugg
that is just so beyond sick!!!!!!!!!!!! sean has disabilities and should not have to go through what they will definately put him through...this is so sad... guaranteed,,,they will NOT treat him with love...
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avishai
I'm pretty sure you could sue the elders, dad etc, for harrassing someone w/ "diminished capacity". Before anyone judges that phrase, lemme tell you that my bro is autistic, & not "diminished" just a phrase to use. In lieu of that, Yerusalyim, if a judiicial comittee actually happens, gimme a write & we'll go "elder huntin'. Sound like fun?
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Yerusalyim
Avi,
WOOOHOOOO! Let me get my reactive armour gear from my special forces days. YEEEHAW!
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OUTLAW
Hey Yerusalyim,If you can,keep your son away from this situation.If his dad actualy sets him up,he needs to be punched out..Remember,no witness`s..You don`t want to get in trouble for doing the right thing...OUTLAW
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Utopian_Raindrops
You know it may sound WRONG but you could always tell Sean if he is nervous or uncomfortable with the visit he does not have to go and you will back him up!
He is 20 and therefore does not have to be in any confrontaional situations he does not wish to be in!
If they kicked him out then they have no patience for him!
My own son's father has no patience and will have a fit of rage at the children for the smallest of things among other problems this man has) and so even though my children are minors I said NO WAY was he being alone with him!
So even on the divorce decree it stated Mother FULL Custody and all visits at Mother's DESCRETION! I sit in on every visit!! A very dificult task but, worth it for my children.
When my children are older they can choose for themselves....often I am told they will stop visiting him but, I don't believe this....I have brought them up to Honor thier Father no matter what his problems but, that they do not have to let him hurt them and put up with it because they are children.
Sean can choose now....he no longer needs to be under this mans POWER and CONTROL!!
You seem Yerusalyim a man who would back him up...which with his challenge he would very much need.
Sean does not need to spend hours on end with his father to honor him....he can have small visits and letters...phone calls......but never does he need to be in this man's Little Kingdom Of Rulership.
At least not at 20 does he.
Hope all goes well Sir
agape,
Utopian_Raindrops
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acsot
My God, that's just awful! I'm so sorry - you're showing more compassion and concern for him than his biological father. Was Sean baptized as a JW? He shouldn't have to go through with a judicial hearing. Also, he's not obligated to visit his father if he's nervous about meeting with those jerk elders. I can't believe it. Actually, that's not true, unfortunately I can believe it.
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Scully
Yeru,
At the age of 20, Sean has all the rights and privileges that come with adulthood. He's always had the right to life without abuse of any kind (physical, emotional, mental, verbal, financial, spiritual etc), and he does have the right to tell his sperm donor (thanks Hyghlandyr for that one) that he is not going to meet with the elders. He also has the right to refuse a visit with his sperm donor if he anticipates that any or all of the above are going to take place during the course of the visit.
Not visiting with his biological father - particularly when it's clear that there is an ulterior motive in mind on the part of the biological father - is the option I'd go for myself. His step-mother has made it known that she doesn't wish to even have Sean there, from her previous behaviour, and Sean's bio. father took her side, and thus made his loyalties very very obvious.
As his step-dad (and you've earned the title of "Dad" imo), you are in a unique position to support Sean through this. He may be thinking that he owes his bio. father some measure of respect, but with all the red flags you've noticed, you can discuss them with Sean and let him know that if he doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to put himself through all that. You can also let him know that if he does decide to go through with the visit, that he can decline to speak to any elders, and that if he wishes you will pick him up from his bio father's place at a moment's notice. You might also consider going along to the elder's meeting. With Sean being a young man with autism, I can just IMAGINE the kind of schoolyard bully tactics that are going to be used on him in a meeting. He needs someone strong and intimidating (wear your dress uniform with all your medals etc... LOL) to be his advocate. His bio father obviously is not going to advocate on his behalf, and likely set up this "meeting" to terrorize Sean in the first place. My guess is that if Sean goes through with this alone, he will be getting a verbal and emotional browbeating. If someone, particularly a "worldly person" goes with him, they will back off on their line of questioning - they don't want to be seen as the abusers that they are.
Love, Scully
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Yerusalyim
Sean was baptized about four years ago, under the guidance of his dad. I feel honored that Sean has asked me to be his sponsor as he is received into the Catholic Church in April.
Sean is aware that he doesn't have to visit his dad. He had plans to at Thanksgiving and backed out.
The problem for Sean is he does Love his Dad, and respect him, but he also fears him at least a bit. His younger brother, Craig, is also there and his older brother Barry lives near by. I think this is something Sean's gonna have to do, he's gonna have to find the intestinal fortitude to tell his dad that his spiritual life is off limits for discussion. I'll be praying hope ya'll do too.