Weddings Kiwi Style

Beck_Melbourne

ROFLMAO

I like that...except...isn't the 'Outback' somewhere in Australia? Kiwi style indeed...I think NOT!! LOL

~Beck~

Gizmo

Now how did I know Beck would get sucked in?????????

lol

Beck_Melbourne

Yeah that's my kinda humour....have you got anymore???

Gizmo

Edited by - elderrepents on 17 December 2002 0:19:56

Beck_Melbourne

LOL That was funny...no sheep in that one mind you!

I thought this was cute - for city folk who don't like getting their feet dirty...or for those who don't own gumboots

What aussie lads want for xmas

What aussie dad's want for xmas

At the end of a tiny, deserted bar is a huge Kiwi bloke - 6ft 5 and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well-dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After three or four beers the queer fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big New Zealander.

Leaning over towards the Kiwi he whispers, "Do you want a blow-job?"

At this the massive Kiwi leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the guy in the face, knocking him swiftly off the stool. He proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar before leaving him bruised and battered in the car park and returning to his seat.

Amazed, the barman quickly brings over another beer.

"I've never seen you react like that, " he says. "Just what did he say to you?"

"I'm not sure," the big Kiwi replies. "Something about a job."

Beck_Melbourne

R O F L M A O

An Englishman, an Irishman, an Australian and a New Zealander were in a plane, getting ready to make their first parachute jump. The Englishman's exit was spectacular; he leapt out of the plane with the cry "I am doing this for my country.....". The Irishman leapt out immediately afterwards, calling out the same words. Then the New Zealander ripped the parachute off the Australian, pushed him out of the plane and cried "I'm doing this for my country.....".

An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. "Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain". "That's OK" said the Englishman. "I've always wanted to be Irish and I'm prepared to take the risk". The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry!!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out". The patient replied, "No worries, mate!!"

Edited by - beck_melbourne on 17 December 2002 1:15:46

Gizmo

An Aussie journalist was in New Zealand doing stories where he saw a Kiwi farmer doing unnatural things with a sheep. He approached the Kiwi and firstly asked, "What sort of sheep is that?" He scribbled down the farmer's reply - "a Merino". The next question was, "Do you shear them?" The farmer replied hastily, "No! Go and find yer own!"

Beck_Melbourne

Here's one for your team elderrepents...cos it looks like you could use some help

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a small town and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.

Ventriloquist: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog, mate. Mind if I speak to him?"

New Zealander: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."

Ventriloquist: "Hey dog, how's it going old mate?"

Dog: "Doin' alright."

New Zealander: (extreme look of shock)

Ventriloquist: "Is this Kiwi your owner?", pointing at New Zealander

Dog: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

New Zealander: (look of disbelief)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

New Zealander: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think."

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

New Zealander: (extreme look of shock)

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at New Zealander)

Horse: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How's he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."

New Zealander: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

New Zealander: "The sheep's a liar.

Weddings Kiwi Style

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