Opinions/Advice needed (page 2)

La Capra

Take as high a road as you possibly can, and to your best ability do what you would want your friend to do if the situation were reversed. If you know deep down she would want you there, then be there, if you know she doesn't then don't be there.
One of the hardest things I had to come to terms with when I left was that so many people that I had grown up around had no use for me when I rejected the cult. I felt (and still do sometimes) worthless, and that all the support and friendship that was given was conditional on my meeting attendance. I am sure if your friendships were true that they are conflicted about their treatment of you. To what extent do you want to highlight those conflicted feelings?
Either way don't let it be the child's consequence. It needs love both in and out of the borg, and yours may be the only love out of the borg it gets for a long time. You are devoting your life to children, which means putting their needs above yours and even their parents' from time to time. Woohoo Start now! (if you really want to do something, start her college fund...teehee)
Good luck to you.
Shoshana

ring

Jo,

I went thru almost this same thing a couple of years ago. I learned that my cousin had moved to the same small town i live in. We were really close as kids. Since i havent attended meetings in over ten years(not df'd or da'd) I wasn't invited to his wedding which was held two blocks from my home. My parents insisted that i should attend. I am glad now i didnt go. I did however send them a gift.

I do like the sending a card or gift idea with your mother, i think that shows you care about the friendship you once had with your friend. Your friend will remember that if she ever leaves the org.

ring

kelsey007

Simple- I would be happy for her and not go- unless she personally invited me, and then again I might not go if she did invite me. You might find the shole experience to overwhelming to say the least. Cant you be happy for her and not go? Instead of going you can send a gift to her via your mom. This would be a loving jesture and who know what the outcome would be when she opened your gift in front of all the stuffy jw women-

Guest 77

What does your HEART tell you?

Guest 77

Kingpawn

Joanna,

My gut reaction is to say: don't go.

Reborn said it best earlier. Why be seen as groveling?

Then too, I see it a an intentional slight that you didn't get a separate invitation. To me that's tacky. Are they so strapped for cash they couldn't afford one more invitation's postage?

La Capra said:

do what you would want your friend to do if the situation were reversed.

The problem I have with her advice, well-intentioned though it was, is that you are not on an equal footing with them, and so trying to look at it as though reversed doesn't apply. THEY have "the truth" ito, and you're not active. I doubt they could (or would) even look at the situation and your going as though it was reversed, and see how forgiving you'd be by going.

Saddest is that an innocent third party (the baby) is at the center of this now. Like s/he's being used as a lure to get you there.

bittersweet

I agree with those who say to send a gift with your mom.

Send along a nice card too.Tell her how happy you are for her,and apologise for the fact you two lost touch with each other.Tell her you would love to hear from her,then leave the ball in her court.

What ever you decide to do,I wish you well.

bigfloppydog

I must agree with others here. Go with your gut feeling, I can see no good coming out of you going to the shower. Yes you will get odd looks, even coments, that could cause you more hurt. Sometimes when one is hurting, others get satisfaction in rubbing the salt into the wound. Why put yourself through that. Send a present with your mom and a card, at least then the ball is in your court. If this girl was truly your friend, she would have been there keeping in contact with you, but she is doing what she is told to do, to stay away from you, and why put yourself in such an awkward situation, it would be to painful.

You are a sweet person, don't let others hurt you this way. Take care.

wheelwithinwheel

I think some JW feel, when you leave you leave J, but they also feel some rejection on the personal level. Ive talked to some JWs who have ignored me and after breaking the ice they are quite nice and seem relieved that I still want to talk to them. After the initial reintroduction they continue being friendly (hoping Ill go back? could be the reason). I cant say if you friend will fall into this category so if you go prepare yourself to be hurt. I still go to JW get togethers on occasion and some do totally ignore me, but I believe my presence reminds them Im still around and may get them thinking (duh). I definitely recommend the card and gift idea. Make the decision you will be comfortable with.

Gopher

Going to the shower could create an awkward situation -- hell, it'll make an awkward situation awkwarder (to coin a word).

I like the idea of sending along a card to let you know you're thinking of her, out of respect for your past friendship. And a gift... well if you really really really feel like it.

JT

Well, i guess its obvious that you weren't invited. And although you are still a friend to this girl, she obviously doesn't think much of you cause I guess her frendship for you was based on a religious belief and not actual friendship. The only purpose that could be served by going would be for your mom to see how awful everyone treats you, but then again your mom might reason that its your own fault, I don't know your mom, so I don't know how she'll react.
I wouldn't go, because you don't want to subject yourself to them and their twisted thinking, it could hurt you. You deserve better than that.

THIS TRULY SUMS IT UP

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