Support for abuse victims survivors

by Lady Lee 18 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  waiting

  Just a side point:

  Many people want jw abuse survivors to speak out - for a variety of reasons.

  Abuse survivors might be helped by speaking out against the WTBTS on this issue.

  The WTBTS will be hurt if abuse survivors speak out against them.

  Perhaps the WTBTS will change - and there might not be so many WT abuse survivors in the future.

  Bowen stepped forward as a spokesperson.

  Many powerful xjw's have been working behind the scenes for a lengthy time period on the WT abuse issue.

  Because of the publicity Bowen & others have generated, more victims are speaking out.

  Victims, by the very nature of what has happened to them, *tend* to be wary, and not sure of others, let alone their own, judegements.

  Take away the small amount of security, structural base, first-time community, of the victim......and the victim tends to be quiet again.

  If the victim doesn't speak out - the WTBTS will not be hurt enough to be forced to change to help the next generation of victims.

  Statistically, we know approximately 1 out of 8/10 victims speak out.

  "We are Legion."
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  LeslieV

  You certainly do not want to open Pandora's box without having individuals trained to deal with the aftermath. If you do you will hurt the survivor even though people sincerely want to help. In almost all professional setting there are two trained facilitators present to make sure that no one is being trumatized by the experience. This way if someone needs to leave the group one facilitator can leave with this person and the other can stay. Also with two one can watch the dynamics of the group process while one is focusing on who is speaking.

  Same with responding to the hospital ER's. You would never send anyone that is not trained!!!!!! Same goes for answering a hotline. Again you would never have anyone that has not been trained in dealing with sexual abuse issues. You can do more harm than good for the survivor. In NYS no one responds or answers hotlines withour going through the department of health trainings. Certainly angencies could be held liable if they did not train their staff.

  I have seen through the years many survivors reach out to other survivors and only hurt one another. Especially if the survivors have not dealt with their own issues. Listening to others experiences can be a flashback to a survivor. This is why in our business, as you pointed out Lady the second hand truma or vicarious trumatization is devastating to a counselor. This is also the reason that there is such a high burn out rate of individuals in our business.

  Personally I would never send someone to respond to an ER and send them back again without going through somekind of critical incident stress debriefing. Same with those that answer a 24 hr hotline for long periods of time. I personally feel that peer support, such as this board and others are vital for some...but they need to be in conjunction with professional counseling. And again a good counselor that has experience in dealing with sexual abuse issues. Just my two cents.

  Leslie
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  Lady Lee

  Since I posted the essay above on the interent I have had a couple of people question the merit of survivors reaching out and sharing with each other and offering support. I would like to clarify a couple of things. Being supportive and helping people and being an untrained person trying to counsel people are two different things. We all need support. For so many of us the abuse happened in secrecy and we kept it secret which was very destructive. Talking to one another and supporting one another, sharing our stories, laughing and crying together is what helps us to break that awful silence and realize we are not alone and that we are not crazy. The whole self-help movement is based on the belief that those who have "been there" have a lot to offer other who are there now. For those of you who share your stories, your pain, and sorrows, your anger and joys and your recovery - don't stop. It is crucial for you to tell and share and heal and it has the added benefit of helping others too - a win-win situation. Some simple guidelines would include

  • In supporting others make sure you have edequate support yourself.
  • Do not forget you are healing yourself. Take care of yourself and take a break when you are beginning to feel overwhelmed
  • Give yourself permission to say "I can't right now"
  • Share only what you are ready to share. Do not allow yourself to be pushed into answering questions that you are not ready to share.
  • If a topic comes up that triggers you give yourself permission to stop reading. You can offer a simple explanation such as "Sorry something came up and I have to go" You don't OWE people an explanation then and there - that could just make the trigger worse and if you want you could share it later when you are feeling stronger.
  • Use breathing exercises and grounding exercises to keep yourself in the here and now instead of flashing back to the past.
  • Recovery takes time. Give yourself time to heal. It took years to get where you are now. It will take a bit of time to undo all the damage.
  • Be kind to yourself.

  I share my personal story just like other survivors - in the hopes that it might give someone else the will to try to make the changes and live through the pain just a little longer to heal. Please don't stop sharing - you all have so much to offer. Lee
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  Southland

  Wonderful post!
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  Lady Lee

  Waiting

  Victims are so damned messy. We want them to speak up......but what do we DO with them then?

  Yup ask people to talk and they will. Most have kept it bottled up for so long it is a relief to finally have someone to "speak our thruth" to. But then what. If those encouraging us to speak out don't know what comes net and there is no safety net or it collapses then a lot of people are in danger of getting hurt. The safety net needs to be strong and sure otherwise those who speak out will go into hiding again.
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  Lady Lee

  Leslie wonderful comments - Thank you for joining in.
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  LeslieV

  Dear Lady, it was a wonderfully written thought out post. Thanks for beginning it!! And thanks to all those that participated.

  Leslie
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  expatbrit

  Bringing this wonderfully insightful post back to the top.

  Expatbrit
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  waiting

  lol - I WONDERED about how it got back up here..........I saw my post & did my typical "whaaaaa?"

  then I saw the date.

  In view of the serious threads on child abuse - very good action of yours, expatbrit.

  Thank you.

  waiting