How weird is this?

safe4kids

As many of you know, I'm divorced, have been for 2 years now, after a 13 year marriage. My ex and I get along pretty well, we're friends of a sort, and we have our kids' well being as our main priority in life. That's not the weird part..well, I suppose in some ways it is, but that may be a story for another post!

It just occurred to me that today he and I did something we've NEVER done before! (No, it wasn't THAT...we did 'that' a LOT and it's one of the things I felt guilty about as a dub ) Today...we went CHRISTMAS SHOPPING together!!! Now, you have to understand...my ex was never a witness and in our marriage, we fought often about money...how to spend it, that is, as he never had any trouble making it (and I never had any trouble figuring out how to get rid of it)

Before our divorce, we celebrated Xmas a few times...but, somehow, we never went shopping together. Our daughter, Delaney, had a softball game this morning (something he never misses, btw). Afterward, the kids were supposed to go home with him for the weekend and I had planned to do some last minute shopping. He invited himself along...actually, he made me an offer I just COULDN'T refuse (offered to buy me lunch, heheheh) and so I found myself somehow walking through the mall with him, discussing what he should buy Delaney along with his Xmas gift for his girlfriend (but I told him that was adding another dimension to our already "weird-divorced-couple" relationship ). All in all, we had a thoroughly enjoyable day together. We talked about loneliness, we talked about commitment, we talked about (of course!) the kids...he made no snide, controlling remarks and I didn't attempt to dig into his psyche. Before anyone gets the idea that he and I will ever get back together, let me state that it isn't the case, for many reasons. But spending a day ENJOYING the company of my children's father...THAT is cause for celebration.

Don't tell me there isn't a Santa Claus and don't tell me there is no Christmas spirit...I lived it today.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Dana

Valis

safe4adults ...Its cool you can still go and do things w/your Ex. It makes it so much easier on the kids if there isn't drama between the so called adults. I'm also fortunate enough to have a good relationship w/the mother of my children. I don't even think my kids could have a better mom in fact. And I know how hard it is sometimes...you still want to give em a good xenawarrior "thwack" every once in a while. *LOL* Merry Christmas!

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

freedom96

Having gone through a horrible divorce years ago, it is refreshing to hear a story of two divorced people getting along. How much easier that has got to be than with all the fighting that sometimes continues afterwards.

Happy for you!

outoftheorg

Hey Dana, could you put some of that wisdom in a can and send it to me. Well then you would have to send some to my ex to make it work.

My ex ended her psycho counseling hating everyone in her past family. Deservedly so. Then, for reasons explained to me by the psychiatrist, that I still do not understand, she directed all that hate at me and made up with all those she previously hated.

After a few years of that hatred, I began to feel the same way towards her. Not a good situation for the kids. The youngest will be 18 in a few months and that will sever most ties to my ex. I sure hope things can change.

Any helpful advice would be apreciated.

Outoftheorg

Debz

Its not weird..its great!

Those things are what life is made up of...continue to do so for your kids as they grow too quick....

Soledad

that's great that you can get along with your ex. I think that sometimes some couples get along better when they are not a couple, as is the case with now with my future ex husband

Lady Lee

cool - more power to you

expatbrit

A man who likes shopping and you divorced him.

Expatbrit

safe4kids

Vassal right back atcha! LOL Yep, yep, yep...there are times when I really do feel the urge to hit him! Fortunately, those don't come all that often and so far, I've resisted them. We're lucky, for our kids' sakes, that we can get along with our exes.

Freedom Thanks! And sorry to hear that yours was horrible...I don't think that I could have handled that.

(((Outoftheorg))) I really don't think that it was wisdom on my part...I think that it basically boiled down to our joint desire not to hurt our kids any more than they already were being hurt. It helped, too, that he wasn't a dub and that there were no other people involved (read affairs). I'm really saddened to hear of what you've been through, it can't have been fun. Unfortunately, we can't always reason with other people and get them to see the harm they are doing. I hope that you and your children are able to heal beyond this. BTW...feel free to email me, if you'd like.

You're right Debz! It was just weird to me because we had never in our marriage done this...and yet we enjoyed ourselves today so much, shopping for our kids and imagining the delight on their faces come Xmas morning. Perhaps if we could have done things like this together as a married couple, we might have been able to save it. I'll never know now.

Soledad You hit the nail on the head. We do get along much better as friends than we did married. I'm sending positive thoughts and best wishes your way

(((LadyLee))) Thanks. How are you doing, btw??

Dana

safe4kids

Expatbrilliant,

A man who likes shopping and you divorced him.

Yeah? So what's yer point??

Actually, he hates shopping as much as I do...come to think of it, maybe THAT'S why we felt connected today!

Dana

Edited to add: BTW...what the heck is that profile pic you have??

Edited by - safe4kids on 21 December 2002 19:50:35

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