How are you getting along with your believing mate

by Leander 16 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  qwerty

  Hi Leander

  My wife is still a very active JW. I thought up to now we were getting on with our lives quite well, she goes on her JW routine and I think, come to terms with what I believe. In fact she can see alot of what "apostates" say have merit. Then she gets sucked back into her little routine of continous brainwashing at the KH etc. In a word FEAR of knowing to to much stops her from thinking to deeply or studing for herself anti JW stuff. Fear of loosing her JW family and friends.

  It's not untill this time of year, once again as come around that pressure of differances of belief makes me wonder about our future together.

  She's a very a loving person and very loyal too. Trouble is she has split loyalities between her Borg family and me and my mainly Christain family. My Mum DA earlier in the year after having her eyes opened.This make family Christmas get togethers a no no for my wife.

  The trouble is she's constant worried of the JW's clamping down on me (I am still in their eyes a JW, not been to meetings for what seems like years but is in reality only months) if I get caught doing something JW disapprove of. Just last night I happened to mention that with my whisky a nice cigar would be nice also. She got all upset when I mentioned that I already had had two over the past year. I get closer each time to DAing, I just can not live worrying about what my former associates will think. My God is my only judge and I feel content to leave myself in his hands. She does not want the JW's thinking bad of me if I do some disfellowshipping act.

  Anyway you are in no way alone,

  Thinking of you Bro, Qwerty
• 

  qwerty

  MYOHNSEPH

  You must have been typing at the same time as me. You got your post in first!

  Your relationship with your wife is encouraging, thanks for sharing that. she sounds a wonderfull women.

  Love (the Christian type )

  qwerty
• 

  ugg

  i have been married almost 30 years...husband is dedicated to brothers and sisters and hall in general.....no meetings for me now over a year...we have NOTHING TOGETHER...a FEW WORDS each day and that is it....

  i am trying to develope my own life some what,,,with out ''breaking the rules" as i could never stand to lose my daughter....she is married and a strong witness,,,her hubby is an ms,,,,and hard core...

  life sucks....
• 

  Lapuce

  Well for me its now hell, I've finally DA,d myself, the announcement was made on the 17th of Dec and I'm finally a non-witness now. My wife is very fanatic and I do not have any other thing in common with her, I am thinking of divorce as my life has been hell the last two years, as I'm married for now 9 years but the last 2 I doubted, she is worst and is trying to brainwash my 2 kids 2 and 5 years old. Lets say I'm into my last few weeks with her, 2003 will be a new start.

  Lapuce
• 

  NewLight2

  Sorry this got into the wrong thread. Go here for the post.

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=42960&site=3

  NewLight2

  Edited by - NewLight2 on 22 December 2002 19:16:45
• 

  out4good3

  I think one of the keys is that we both have come to accept, love and respect each other for the individual we each are and neither of us are on any campaign to make the other into someone we're not.

  It took a couple of years of very confrontational arguements, a lot of screaming and yelling at each other, and a lot of saying things that neither of us meant, for me and my wife to finally get to that point. I new she really didn't want or want me to do anything that was hurting me and it took that long for it to finally sink in that trying to force fit me into the mold of being a JW was hurting me for her to finally back off and accept the fact that I had to be the person I wanted to be; the person I needed to be; and not the person so many other people including her expected me to be.

  She allows her consceince to guide her in a number of issues "the society" would not really approve.

  Take every advantage of this. If my family has a holiday dinner, anytime except X-mas she usually finds an excuse to go with me. I buy her flowers on Valentine's day, take her out to eat on Mother's day, have BBQ on Father's day, fireworks shows on the 4th and new years eve, anything to include her in any celebration that I find going on as a way to get her to celebrate life with me instead of wasteng it all on the publishing company. We spent the entirety of last summer traveling up and down the west coast and I'm planning similar trips this coming summer. This coming summer, we'll be hanging out on the east coast to be topped out with a trip to Hawaii for our 20 year anniversary.

  I know you love her, but she's still stuck in the JW mindset. She's expecting you to turn into the devil himself , so, the best way to counter this is to literally KILL HER WITH KINDNESS !!!!! Listen to her when she want to talk about JW stuff but only offer your opinion when asked with the disclaimer "do you REALLY want my opinion?". The most important thing you can do now is to offer a lot of patience without sacrificing the stand you've taken. Find some common interests not WT related that you both can throw yourselves into, is she's so inclined. It'll be hard going no doubt, but, if her love for you is not conditioned upon WT psychobable, it's at least worth the try to save it and not just "cut and run".
• 

  wednesday

  removed by wednesday

  Edited by - wednesday on 23 December 2002 1:20:19