Let us consider one another to incite to love and fine works...............................
Hmmmmmmm if I went to the hall NO ONE would consider me. NO ONE would show me love or an act of kindness (fine works) because instead I would be shunned. On the other hand I cannot express the love I feel for those in the congregation or do fine works because of shunning. If I can't consider and incite at the KH nor receive it, there is definately something amiss. I then think of how to identify a true christian. LOVE. Those that will allow me to love and love me back.. Thats where I'll go. But it won't be at the KH. I don't feel a bit of guilt. I think its because I remember scriptures and see how like the pharisees the JW's are. The truth will set you free!!!!
In time you'll be free from the brainwashing that you've been through.
Your remarks helped a lot. Once I get over these panicky feelings when I don't go, I know I'll feel a lot better. When I don't go to the KH (and this has been going on for a long time) my heart pounds and I end up feeling sick. I know it is hard to break free from a group like this. And jurs, I totally agree - the KH is devoid of love and fine works - at least the one I go to is. There are the odd few that are genuine, but they are far outweighed by the holier-than-thou set. I'll just give it time.
I don't think it is good to feel guilty over something like this. It is understandable but not really healthy. In time, the more research you do the more you will accept that there is nothing divine about this religion. Meeting attendance will ultimately become a pointless ritual and you will feel more sick attending than staying at home.
It would be good if you try to understand why exactly you are feeling guilty and then ask yourself if these reasons make sense. Most likely this is a programmed response from listening to years of WT propaganda designed to make you feel guilty if you were ever to miss meetings.
Despite some positive aspects of meeting attendance, most people are bored, don't learn anything and wish they were doing something else. Maybe try doing something you like to do when not at the meetings. There are just so many times that I stop and think.. "damn, i'm so happy my car is not parked in that parkinglot right now" or "i'm so glad that is not me going door to door in the cold of winter".
Of course, there are times when people just can't shake the guilt and feel compelled to go back to the meetings. For those ones I say "great"! go and have a good time. It doesn't take long before they realize their guilt is misplaced.
If you were not going because you felt uneasy being at the meetings perhaps your instincts are telling you something. I believe most pressure from others to attend meetings is simply peer pressure, you are correct "they don't like it when your not there" and If I have to be here YOU should be there, mentality prevails. Many suffer at the thought of monotonous hours spent sitting and listening to the same thing over and over again. Don't let yourself down, you are the most important one to yourself, never forget that. The pain goes away eventually but the longer the lingering the longer the pain. You have probably been there for a while in body only and your heart and mind somewhere else. I used to think the hurtful things would go away and they only got worse. Lies to cover over things so elders can keep their positions of power will always be more important than you, it will not change. You may feel like a hypocrite but the whole WT organization is the worst kind of hypocritical mass of people have ever had to deal with.
So, enjoy your tizzy for now, if you can separate yourself at your own pace you might enjoy the ride.
Thank you everyone for your kind words. I can't really see to type at the moment because I am crying. I spend a lot of time crying lately, when noone is around, because I feel so bad. But I know I am doing the right thing. I thank God that I found this forum and I thank God for Simon for making it possible and for all of you for being there.
"And let us consider one another to incite to love and fine works, not forsaking the gathering of ourselves together, as some have the custom....."
By what you have said, the Kingdom Hall is obviously not the place where they will "incite to love and find works".
Find a place where the people "incite to love and find works"... "by their fruits you will know them". This is the place to not forsake the gathering of yourselves together.
When I used to go I would get mad/upset when my friends wouldn't go. Its hard to think why. It was partly a jelousy thing, if I had to be there, they should be there too. Part of it was the gossip circle. It seems like people like to talk about who isn't strong and talk about how they always miss meetings. It builds the "regular" attendees up, by tearing others down. Family and friends want to defend you so they want you to be there so nobody will talk ill of you. I'm just rambling, sorry. Just look at why people are upset. They say that they want you to surivive armageddon, and the only way to do that is to go to meetings and swallow their filth for 5 hours a week. But it rarely is a loving purpose like that.
Think about how this looks to others who haven't been scarred from the borg. It looks like a chemical dependance to a drug, and you are going through withdraws. Perhaps there are 12 steps we should go through to overcome the "addiction" to the borg.
