J.W's and Divorce (page 2)

Mum

Back in the early '60's there was a congregation overseer (before the "elder" arrangement) whose wife had become inactive in the late '50's. Back then, from firsthand observation, there was apparently no problem with the marriage continuing. I know that this wife went to the assemblies with her husband. She was at dinner after an assembly with her husband and a bunch of witnesses. The other witnesses were all polite to her and did not shun her. I don't know why she became inactive, but was told it happened after the 1958 international assembly in New York. I think the Society has become more and more hard-nosed and petty over the years on this issue.

UrMinds, welcome to the forum. I don't think this thread is necessarily about disfellowshipping, but it's good to see someone new expressing a point of view. Have you been a lurker here?

Regards,

SandraC

LittleToe

UrMindsl:
I suspect your post wasn't very well thought out, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Other wise I would be offended.

There are more reasons for someone no longer being a JW than adultery.

OrbitingTheSun

UrMinds, Welcome to the Board

You seem angry. Have you had a bad experience in this area?

out4good3

The marriage is "attacked" by the unfaithful partner who commited fornication and got difellowshipped and therefore freed their spouse which is the ONLY grounds for divorce in jehovah's eyes!

It is this blind tyrannical crap that encourages JW to remain in marriages where the love has all but disappeared to be replaced with mental and physical abuse. I know of more than one JW and ex-JW union where the JW partner, usually the male, daily berates the other for not adhering to the minutae of WT rules and regulations and are quick to pull out the NWT and use it to unscripturally beat the other into submission, all under the encouragement of leadership of the WTS.

I got a call from a relative today whose husband verbally jumped all over her for a couple of hours because he saw and sneezed at some dust bunnies behind some heavy furniture. This man has a sizeable retirement fund which he keeps under lock and key and refuses to give her access too. She is mentally enslaved to this man from years of being run down as the "weaker vessel" whose only purpose was to be in "subjection" and though we live in a community property state, her enslavement to the mind altering effectgs of WT dogma such as that above, chains her to this man even though she knows it is literally sucking the life out of her.

But I guess this is what you would call "lording over your house in a fine manner" right.....

Edited by - out4good3 on 26 December 2002 21:56:11

peacefulpete

I left the organization for philosophical and intellectual reasons. This was perhaps worse than being df for adultery. I was not perceived as weak just evil. There was nothing to confess and nothing for my wife to forgive. Our positions seemed forever intractably opposed. I was an enemy. She no longer respected me and I found it hard to respect her. Before my research we were the best of friends and lovers. We served as missionaries, I as P.O. and she as my right arm.
Yet we now saw no way for life together to work. Others at the KH told her how they always suspected my apostate leanings and that she should be happy God was setting her free. When she privatey express some respect for me most would try to assure her that I had not been what I pretended to be. I filed for divorce and we peacefully decided how to divide our things.
Our story has a happy ending. She remembered my cautious nature and found the courage to ask me what I had learned that so changed my life. She soon left also. We saved our marriage. And now look forward to a life together promoting peace and environmentalism through activism. Our story is not unique. Millions of lives have been damaged by sectarian separatist theology. Us or Them ideology seems to work until those you love become Them.

DakotaRed

Disfellowshipping is not an attack on marriage! The marriage is "attacked" by the unfaithful partner who commited fornication and got difellowshipped and therefore freed their spouse which is the ONLY grounds for divorce in jehovah's eyes!

Is that so? I am an exJW, disassociated because I became very disillussioned with the whole mess. I was married to a JW at the time and am now divorced. She was encouraged to shun me in every way possible, especially talking to me, as were her three ~~brats~~ children. I never cheated and committed adultery. I never complained about her staying a JW. I never interfered with her going to meetings and even drove her to assemblies and sat bored out of my mind through them. I even found articles she asked for in the Watchtower CD and printed them for her. Still, one day I came home from work to find her stuff packed and her gone. The main complaint? I would not tolerate my being shunned within the walls of my own house. I guess it is a sin to ask that all people within a house be greeted upon entering, even exJWs. I guess it is also considered a sin to not get up and leave the room whenever faithful Jehobos stop by so as to not offend them, inside my own home.

But, a question for you. Since you state that adultery is the only grounds for divorce, how can JWs accept those who were divorced and remarried prior to becoming JWs? Contrary to your faulty summation, financial reasons are usually the largest grounds for divorce today, not adultery. If Jehovah says only adultery is the valid reason (and it was Moses that said that, not Jehovah) and Jehovah never changes, how do they accept those converts who divorced for reasons other than adultery and remarried?

Lew W

daphna0507

ive been married for almost 6 yrs and my husband is a baptized witness and i am not...at the begining of our marriage we lived with his mother and his sister who is married lived above us...and they are all jws...well i tried the study thing and its not in my heart at all....my husband was almost disfellowshipped when we got married...but he was stepped down from his priveledges...which ment he couldnt speak and get involved....well we got on our feet and he hasnt gone to the hall actively in quite some time.....he says he still belives but i dont see it....he has celebrated my birthday with me and i have christmas dinners at our house with my family....but his family is always bugging him about it and he dont want to talk about it with his family about this...i think hes afraid they will disown him and i think its terrible...........his family are very dependant on him in alot of ways....they depend on the kingdom hall for alot of things...and i thik its sad...but i keep my mouth shut when i see things go on with his family....

garybuss

peacefulpete, You wrote:

And now look forward to a life together promoting peace and environmentalism through activism.

I am interested. Will you share with me what those activities are? Here or personal e-mail is fine too.

Best wishes. gary

NewYork44M

This is an interesting thread. I was married in 1976 at the age of 19 with the full expectation that Armageddon was just around the corner. Despite our disappointment we had many happy years and we raised two children to the best of our ability. Approximately ten years ago I decided that this was not the truth and began my slow fade away from the organization. Which, as you can imagine was an extremely difficult period time in my life. I felt that if I had not made changes I was destined to a nervous breakdown. My wife never understood or was willing to understand the turmoil in my life. I felt extremely frustrated because I could never get the conversation beyond her understanding that jehovah=organization.

Ten years into the future, I have grown personally beyond anything I could have imagined when I made my decision to leave. However, I remain married to someone who has not forgiven me for not still being an elder and towing the organization line. This has caused an unbelievable strain on our marriage with no simple answer. So, while I am not divorced, and I probably will remain married, our marriage will never come close to being a partnership.

meadow77

Pete-thank you for sharing your story. It's a rare occurance indeed that two people might be so meant to be together that they can weather that type of storm. I am very happy for both of you that you are still together and borg free. New York, is your wife open to hearing any of the reasons that you left?

J.W's and Divorce

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