Single DF Sister Looking for Single DF Brother

Honey

Hi Everyone - This is my first time posting to this board.

In any event, I am a newly DFd sister (announcement made about a week ago) who is interested in corresponding with and meeting a DFd brother. Adding to my dilemma is the fact that I plan on returning to the organization which I know is the direct opposite of what some on this board want. I am African American, 34 years of age and attractive. If interested, please feel free to email me at [email protected].

BTW I know that there are many who are strongly opposed to the organization and who feel that trying to get back in is a mistake and I can appreciate your position. However, I have various reasons for wanting to be reinstated and would just ask that you appreciate my perspective and not "flame" me for posting this.

As many of you know, being disfellowshipped is a very lonely and isolated situation to be in. But especially for those who are trying to be reinstated you cant interact with other Witnesses and you are trying not to be a part of the world so its kind of like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I dont want to ramble on to much, if interested please email me

Honey

ashitaka

I'm sure you have good reasons for wanting to return (family, etc.), but people who don't want you for who you are don't deserve your companionship in the long run. Please, just run for the border and find a nice fella to marry (if marrying is your speed).

Don't consider this a flame post, just words of advice from a friendly person.

Please, don't get caught in that cycle of guilt/sin/guilt/sin. Move one and have a wonderful life, free from control.

ash

og

If you want to go back, why are you looking for a DF'd person?

Honey

I am currently DF'd and want someone who knows the organization and also wants to return. I don't want to date a non-JW and cannot date a JW in "good-standing," which basically leaves another DF'd person.

Honey

Simon

I suspect that will make for a very stressful relationship ... what if either of you decide you don't want to return at some point ... or are not accepted back at the same time?

ashitaka

Good question.

JT

honey

i would like to welcome you to the board, you have made a very brave step in just posting here, many here fully understand what you are dealing with, and i will not flame you in anyway or fashion

you mentioned that you are a black woman and personally i know that being a black female jw has its challenges esp when it involves a men- i was in a congo with 42 black single females and you will not believe the frustration that these women went thru trying to deal with being single

just last year i spoke to an elder who is reexamining the org and what he has been taught, and right now in that congo they are having 2 issues

1. many sisters are roomates they share the cost of an apartment and due to there being a lack of males many of them are turning to each other for comfort , even sexual comfort, we talked for almost two hours-

many start out giving each other backrubs and from there the touch of a human hand can cause all kinds of emotions to stir, and since there are no men to do this -they are able to secretly carry on like this for sometime

just this morning my wife got off the phone with someone who was struggling with this in that congo,-

she could not any longer deny her physcial needs and she moved out and now has married a nonjw, she told me wife she needed the companship of a man, , but more importantly my wife is helping her to understand she lived the life that she did and the impact that this religion has on every single facet of our lives

it is sad to see a religion that offers no men, a false hope of living in paradise and meeting someone to marry all the while your emotional and physcilal needs suffer

2, this second issue just blew me away., they had to reproved 4 single women and they are talkign to more- all in their 30's for buying vibrators, now that was not the problem per say

the problem was they had the NAMES OF BROTHERS (MS AND ELDERS) WRITTEN ON THE SIDE OF THIER VIBRATORS some going back almost 10yrs and I used to be in that hall

( I WILL SAY NOTHING FURTHER)

now that is sick when a religion due to it's foot in the back of your neck mindset creates such unnatural ways of finding fullfillment in thier lives-

i would be willing to bet anyone that if these single women were allowed to have heathy relationships with those of the opposite sex, most would not feel a need to resort to such things

my wife and i used to try many times to help the single folks out in the hall

as the CO used to say KEEP THE SINGLE SISTER BUSY IN SERVICE this way they don't have time for truouble

one sister told me point blank-- james im tired of field service as a way to keep busy

and you know from your own personal exp the solution that the wt offers

read all your book, go out in service , attend all your meetings

after while just don't cut it- AS A JW we provide no type of oUTLET FOR single or young folks

I have seen so many articles that show girls who particpate in team sports in school will have sex later than girls who don't the point being the have something in their life to do besides gap their legs

well a jw male or female HAS NOTHING N THIER LIFE other than wt duties -

how sad

i don't mean to ramble on and but this really hits me personally cause of all the pain and suffering i saw as an elder and now to fully understand why--

do us all a favor please keep reading as much as you can-

and if you feel you need to talk to someone feel free to call me, trust me my wife can tell you some stories about being a black sister with a man-smile

202-336-8792 or hit me on

[email protected]

Edited by - jt on 27 December 2002 14:19:57

Honey

I definitely understand your point and have thought about those issues also. I think the bottom line is honesty and mutual respect If I meet someone and they dont want to be reinstated, we dont have to pursue a romantic relationship. I am pretty sure that would be something that we would discuss right off the bat and if our objectives are different, I dont think that either of us would want to invest the time and emotion into developing a relationship. If the brother is uncertain, then that is something that we could also discuss and deal with.

As for being reinstated at different times, I think that is less of an issue. If the feelings are genuine and the interest is real, neither of us should have a problem waiting for the other to be reinstated at least for a few months anyway

Honey

JT

CK YOUR EMAIL

LB

Honey good luck to you and I hope it all works out. Just remember that as a DFed person you aren't even allowed to speak to another DFed person yourself. If you were caught with someone DFed you would not be reinstated.

Single DF Sister Looking for Single DF Brother

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