Single DF Sister Looking for Single DF Brother

by Honey 35 Replies latest social relationships

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  SPAZnik

  I am currently DF'd and want someone who knows the organization and also wants to return. I don't want to date a non-JW and cannot date a JW in "good-standing," which basically leaves another DF'd person.

  I definitely believe that their are many wonderful, kind and loving people who are not JW - my sister actually married one about 3 months ago. But that is not what I am looking for, and while that may severely limit my options, I don't ever want to feel that I settled for something that I did not want.

  Honey,

  That last sentence really hit home with me. I gotta say:

  It seems like "settling" isn't what you want to do,
  but "settling" is what you are doing. Could you be settling for the risks involved in seeking a significant other within the perceived confines & limits of your current circumstances instead of changing those circumstances to match what you want, eliminating certain risks and limitations and then seeking a relationship?
  
  You've said you don't want to "settle for something I don't want". You've said more than once that you don't want a non-JW....well, what is a DF'd man, really? Even one who says he wants to return, still is a nonJW until he has returned. You wanted us to know it's not about sex. What is it about? Why are you seeking a relationship now?
  Are the advantages worth the risks involved in settling for a relationship of promises, intentions and potential gonna-do's and the Would it be unbearable to you to spend some time stabilizing your own position first, then seek a relationship, I mean, in order to really not be settling for the complications involved in starting off at an unstable period in both your lives? In the event that things don't work out, or end up complicating your life further, are you emotionally capable of handling that right now? Of course, it could very well be that you have already considered all the complexities involved...and your strategic decision remains that for you the advantages are worth the risks involved in seeking a relationship here & now and going back to the JW's later. In that case, Power To Ya. :) SPAZ

  ps - thanks fer yer posts, they reminded me that i don't want to settle either.
  (and that i gotta keep an eagle eye on my own actions that may belie that claim.)
• 

  SixofNine

  I'm not at a place I can refrence WT material; could someone please post the quote from a WT (study article) about 5 years ago that states: "no one who wants help and will accept it from the congregation is ever disfellowshipped". There is a sentence in that article that states the substance thereof, I'm sure I don't have the quote right.

  That should provide some perspective for Honey. Both on the org, and the supposed mindset of df'd people. Who knows, she might even take a moment to look at her own ideas with a critical mind.
• 

  joannadandy

  *wondering whether to post similar request for apostate mate*

  Ballistic- I'm a libra, I like long walks on the beach and reading apostate literature by a roaring fire, curled with my Apostate boy toy...if interested, please e-mail me. HAHAHA!

  Prisca-if she was just DF'd and was a good witness before this, I am guessing it's been WAY MORE than 6 months since she has been without male companionship. That's really not the issue.

  Honey, I don't agree with your choice to going back. But I understand your desire for companionship.

  I think some of you are being a little hard. She is looking for what most people are looking for in their lives: a like minded individual she could end up in a long term relationship with. She didn't ask any of you to agree with her. This was a message to someone who is in the same position as her who is also looking for a long term relationship...why is that such an out of the way request? This probably was not the best forum to post this in, but then again, maybe it was ok. Not everyone who posts here is 100% anti-jw.

  So what if she bends the rules to get what she wants. Play the game, if this is what her heart is set on, few things will change her mind. It is her life.

  Best of luck to you Honey.
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  ballistic

  YHM
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  ugg

  sad sad sad...............sounds like a night mare to me.....but i hope the best for you...shudder!!!
• 

  sisteract

  HONEY---WELCOME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  I would like to briefly share my experience. I was DF'd for about 1 1/2 years before I got reinstated. I must say it was the lonliest time and scarriest time in my life. I thought that the "true God Jehovah" personally rejected me and that there was something really wrong in my heart spiritually. I was reminded of this everytime I was SHUNNED openly by so-called loving borthers and sisters. I tried twice to commit suiced by overdose---I don't think I wanted to---but the pain was almost unbearable. When the fateful day came on a thurs. night meeting for me to be reinstated, I felt sick to my stomach as my name was announced and even sicker when the "friends" began to hug and touch and talk to me again. They were not there for my LOWEST times and now they all appeared like HYPOCRITES!!!! In the interim of trying to get myself reinstated, I was starting to get some good help and counseling (with worldly people of course), and I began to realize they are not all "bad" etc. That fateful thursday night I left the meeting early to never return as Jesus' words kept echoing "by their fruits you will recognize them". And I knew they did not have "the truth".

  Since 1997 I have met some of the most wonderful people who have morals and standards and integrtiy. I met and xJw with whom I have a relationship like I never imagined I would. It's BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!! We certainly do understand where we came from, and it hasn't been without pain. Making your way in "the world" can be scarry but every unsure painful step of the way has been absolutely WORTH IT!!!!!

  I wish you well and all the best in your life---I guess I wasn't really that brief, but I know how lonely it can be when one is disfellowshipped. please continue to post. There are many good people here. you're welcome to email me anytime: [email protected]

  Sisteract