What is the worst.....? (page 2)

LB

Since you just want to piss her off I suggest calling her mommy. That should do it.

NewYork44M

Call her your "least favorite" mother in-law.

Whatever you do, don't curse at her, or you will just give her ammo that you're cheap. You could try a: "You, madam, are a harpy". She probably won't know what it means and will have to look it up in the dictionary.

Very satisfying!

Englishman, who can bitch with the best of 'em on occasions.

Scully

Probably the worst thing you could do to her is say "I love you" and mean it.

Like throwing water on the wicked witch of the west, it will make her shrivel up and die.

Seriously though, someone as cantankerous and unlovable as your MIL is probably not expecting to hear that from you ever. Her behaviour is designed to push you away and make you hate her. Then she can pine to everyone about how horrible you are and how much you hate her. Then she gets lots of other people in on her pity party and they feel sorry for her and do stuff for her. She behaves the way she does because on some level it works for her. Figuring out the motivation for the behaviour is the key to getting her to stop. But it's like an addiction with some people - they love to use their crotchety-ness to manipulate others. When she figures out that stuff doesn't get her what she wants anymore, then she has to figure out another way of behaving that works so that she gets what she wants.

Love, Scully

Edited by - Scully on 27 December 2002 15:5:41

no one

How 'bout:

HoneyBunnyDuckyDownySweetyChickenPieL'ilEverlovin'Jellybean?

Just rolls off the tongue.

Edited by - no one on 27 December 2002 15:18:3

Shutterbug

I was going to call her a witch and if that didn't work, replace the w in witch with a b. Not a very good idea though, so don't do it.

teenyuck

Thank you for all the responses. I had to log off the moment I hit enter....my husband just got
back from the airport
(where he dropped her off.) and I could not let him see what I typed. I just
got back on...he is going through the bills,
trying to determine just how much Xmas cost us.

I typed this in a fit of rage. We paid for my MIL and her widowed sister-in-law to visit us in Ohio...they
moved to Florida (from Chicago) 3 years ago and we have had to visit them each Xmas since we have
been married (15 years). This year my husband's brother purchased his ticket here and told his
mother it was easier to fly to Columbus, OH than Florida. Between the flying and driving to her home,
it is an all day trip for all of us to go visit her. We work and would have to take 2 extra days for travel.
MIL is retired and has the time to spare.

Anyway, since MIL and the Aunt are smokers, they will not stay with us and cannot afford a hotel.
We paid for the hotel...with a smoking room, just to make them happy.

I put together gift baskets for the room, which were shrink-wrapped in colorful paper. In the two
baskets I put popcorn, chocolate pretzels, tea, sugar, Crown Royal, two crystal glasses, English
muffins, honey and honey butter. I also put some potpourri and candles in each one.

As of yesterday they still had not said a word about the baskets...I asked if they enjoyed any of the
goodies?

No, they both said, they had not opened them yet!! The whole idea behind the basket was to
make them feel at home in a hotel room. They agreed to look at them last night after we dropped
them at the hotel.

This morning I noticed the muffins, honey and honey butter on my kitchen counter, in a little store
bag. Some how, they snuck the bag in the house and with all the things going on I did not notice.

I got really mad. They never said thank you for anything we did to make them comfortable. My
mother-in-law complained about the weather, the hotel, the shopping (directly across the street from
the hotel is a huge open air, old style mall, which is brand new, with the latest and greatest stores).
She complained that it was hard to walk across the street and the doors were not close enough
together!

I bought her a cell phone that does not require a contract. I got my lap top ready for her....I am giving
her a $2000.00 computer, loaded with software, so she can learn about the internet. I tried to show
her how to use it. I did all this because she wanted a cell phone for safety when out and about and
so she can e-mail friends. She said it was all too much work; the computer is too heavy (5 lbs) and
the keyboard too small, the cell phone numbers are too small.

When I saw the muffins on the counter, I mentally hoped her plane would crash. I have tried so hard
to make this bitter old woman happy, I just lost it. When I typed out my question, I was going to talk
with my husband and tell him that I will never again bother with all the stuff I have in the past.

He beat me to it. He came home, "Whooped" as he walked in and said that his mother is the most
unhappy, miserable person he has ever known. He said he determined that she is happy only when
she is complaining and trying to get people to feel sorry for her and be miserable like her. He told me
that next Xmas he will go visit her with his brother and I can go visit my family in Chicago.

I agreed.

I am happy that he realizes that she is a shrew and now realizes that making me spend every
holiday at her home is a waste of energy.

I at least stood up for myself while cooking Xmas dinner. MIL hovered all day like a fly. She kept
walking into the kitchen and telling me she had to help. I told her to please go relax, she is the
guest and I do not need nor want the help. (our kitchen is small) She kept trying to help. She asked
over 10 times. (I counted). I finally said "please leave me alone and go sit down. Have you not heard
that too many cooks spoil the broth?" That caught her off guard. She got mad and went into the living
room. At least I had a reprieve.

During dinner my husband said that the roast (beef tenderloin) was the best I had ever made and
was the best cut of tenderloin he had ever had.

MIL looked outraged and said "but you said mine was the best last year. Which is it? This or mine?"
He looked at her then me and said "This is." MIL was furious. It was a scene from a sitcom.
"Everybody loves Raymond" comes to mind.

Now, with my husbands understanding, I will not be visiting or hosting the old witch any time soon.

Edited by - teenyuck on 27 December 2002 16:27:52

edited for really bad formatting

Edited by - teenyuck on 27 December 2002 16:33:24

Edited by - teenyuck on 27 December 2002 16:34:58

BeelzeDub

just say "HOW NICE"

Two southern belle women are sitting on the front porch of a cotton plantation when the one that lives there says to her visitor, "You know, my daddy is so rich that I would have financial security for the rest of my life if he gave me 100 acres of this plantation."

Her visitor says "How Nice"

The other belle says "and do you see this dress I have on? My daddy flew to Paris France and went to one of the top dress designers in the world and had it made for me."

Her visitor says "How Nice"

The other belle says "and do you see this pearl necklace I have on? My daddy flew to New York City and went to one of the top jewelers in the world and had it made for me."

Her visitor says "How Nice"

The other belle says, "well tell me, what has your daddy done for you?"

Her visitor says, "well the only thing my daddy has done for me was to send me to finishing school."

The other belle says, "finishing school, what would you learn at finishing school?"

Her visitor says, "well you learn proper manners like how to eat proper, dress proper and talk proper like I have been talking to you."

The other belle says, "what do you mean by talking proper to me?"

Her visitor says, "Well in finishing school it is more proper to say HOW NICE than to say FUCK YOU!!!."

teenyuck

BeelzeDub----I love it!

MIL went to a catholic boarding school. She believes that her 12th grade education is better than a college diploma. She thinks my husband is not successful because he does not golf every weekend. Her idea of success is golf and a home in Florida. His MBA and business savvy don't mean as thing to her. She is really big on "manners" and putting on a good front.

I am a loser in her eyes because I did not have children and I am not the "perfect" daughter-in-law. My husband confessed this to me when he got back from the airport. Perfect being the relative term.

I am so frustrated with myself....I let her get to me. I should be able to control that after all these years.

I did tell her about my period, my husband's gas, boogers and a few other things I now know make her mad. It is funny to see her outraged expression when talking about "nature." Her SIL, the aunt, just opens her mouth and makes that "OH" sound. That was priceless.

WildHorses

Her SIL, the aunt, just opens her mouth and makes that "OH" sound.

My mom does that too.........................just before she starts Laughing her ass off. My mom is cool.

What is the worst.....?

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