No words can express how I feel after reading your post. All I can say is this from my heart of hearts, Jim:
May the God to whom Jesus prayed, Yahweh, comfort you in this life and the next -- not the "Jehovah God" persona created in the lonely hearts of those who never understood the true God of love, those who are loyal to the Watchtower's organization, those who spend their lives in Kingdom Halls like cloistered nuns and monks worshipping a surrogate god who is nothing more than a concept of a generation that has almost passed away.
Of all those who I have known on the forums throughout the years, you truly stand out in my mind and heart as someone who is deserving of peace, spiritual fullness, good health and a good life. I watched you grow and I began to understand that you lost faith in the Watchtower, a manmade organization, not in Jesus and his Dad.
Remember Jim, the end is better than the beginning! So said the ancient proverb. Try not to fret about the past, don't look back, and continue the forward momentum you have worked so hard to achieve.
Warm regards,
Derrick