Caring for the Child Molesters

by Swan 58 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  wednesday

  For sure a child molsester would have thoughts about this before he/she commited a crime. if the person who has this affliction knew they could get help without incurring a lynch mob, perhaps more would seek treatment. I once heard dennis miller on SNL say"if u are having thoughts of hurting a child-pls just go and kill yourself, help us all out". Now while that sounds good to some, and i admit, it appeals to my basic instinct, what if we coud help these people NOT to commit these crimes? That is why all children of molestation need treatment as soon as possible, b/c often they do grow up to be molesters. they have been horribly hurt and lack normal human feelings.We feel; pity for the 6 yr old who was molsested, but when he is 14 and repeats what has been done to him-we hate him. The first goal is to protect the child and then offer to help the molester-if only for the hope that he will not reapeat it.

  I

  Edited by - wednesday on 2 January 2003 17:33:35
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  morrisamb

  Interesting thread...I'd rather people say what they really thought instead of being afraid of being shunned for disagreeing with the majority. We can only challenge ideas if we understand the basis for them. Although I was a victim of eleven years of sexual abuse, I don't want all molesters sent to the gallows!!

  That being said, I really don't agree with some of the logic in this paragraph by Abandon:

  "Pedophiles have a horrible affliction; it is impossible for them to fulfill their abberant sexual desires in a manner which is acceptable morally, legally or socially. This is why they explode and ruin lives; it's impossible for them to do otherwise. And unlike other sexual oriontations, such as heterosexual and homosexual, which are capable of being loving and consensual, their sexual oriontation is harmful and reliant upon peer pressure or force."

  Having been up close and personal with a molester for 15 years (my father), I don't buy that generalization! I believe these men are the greatest actors the earth has ever witnessed! There is a whole lot more choice involved in their actions that the public gives them credit for! I believe some of them can change their actions -- but mere mortals cannot determine that change by their exterior behaviour alone...ie. my father has been born again so many times it isn't funny. He needs to get born-again after an offense to cleanse himself of his sins. Or is that for the public's benefit?

  Those who have experienced the monsters first hand know that an abuser is more than just a label. Some are masters of chameleon -like change. They can be a clown, a friend, a minister one minute and then hedonistic, barbaric the next. Innate? Learned behaviour? Choice?

  The answers aren't simple, but we must keep asking the questions.
• 

  RubyTuesday

  You are right morrislamb....this is a big misconception...thats why I have very little sympathy for them. Only about 10% of pedophiles are hard core...into child porno...seeks out children...grooms them ect.ect. The rest have rather normal lives and sex drives...they are married... act normal , they only "act out" to put it mildly when they have the opportunity...they Can control it...they choose not to.It's sick selfishness!!
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  Swan

  I was thinking about this some more this morning. They announced Westerfield's sentencing is coming up today. He killed that poor neighbor girl near San Diego. So my question is this; If we make it a death penalty thing to molest a child, where is the bite if they kill them too? In other words, a molester might reason, if I molest this child I could get the death penalty, but if I kill the child so they can't talk, I have a better chance of getting away with it. I believe there should be stiff sentences, but I think the death penalty would deter some, but encourage the rest to work harder to cover up their crime, even if it means killing the child. They would reason that they have nothing to lose.

  The fellow I originally wrote of, who was actually quite likeable, except for the disgusting thing he did, only got 6 months of probation, I believe, from the state. He may have had to serve some weekend jail time too. I don't recall all of the details as I was just a teen back then. I just remember thinking that it wasn't nearly as long a sentence as I thought it should be.

  Tammy
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  Abaddon

  Hi andee!

  Hi Six; in answer to your question, I wasn't talking about treatment, I was chiefly thinking about the lynch-mob mentality and demonisation related to the term 'pedophile'. They are not all master manipulators and master criminals. Bell-shaped distribution curves apply to good people and bad people.

  As far as the death penalty goes, as with the majority of Europeans, my opinion is that it's barbaric and inherantly liable to cause injustice, but you're as entitled to your opinion as I am mine, and TRUST ME, that debate is, along with abortion and creation vs. evolution, one where the paradigms of the opposing side often precludes any hope of understanding.

  morrisamb, you have correctly pointed out that highlighted sentence was hyperbolic. Delete it and add 'often' before explode. I believe the point is valid. I utterly agree, that with something that was so taboo 15 years ago it wasn't discussed, we need to keep asking questions.
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  Swan

  This morning I wrote to a friend about this subject and in reading it back over I see it makes much more sense than what I originally posted. It may help to clarify my point of view. It is just my point of view, seen from my unique life experience. My perspective is just that, my perspective. This may help people to understand my point of view and help them realize that I still respect theirs. The people I forgive are two women in my own family, whose abuse of me is considered borderline sexual abuse. It was abuse, and it was sexual in nature, but they probably did not view it that way, and I don't think that was their motivation. One apologized when confronted, and even though she has since shunned me, I believe her apology to be sincere. I had occasion to talk to her on the phone several months ago after 8 years of silence. I finished our conversation with "I love you" and she said "I love you too." So I am trying to understand that people can be sincere in their apology and say they love you, but still be so caught up in the cult that they don't understand that shunning is sending a contrary message. They believe it is an act of love to shun as it is Jehovah's loving discipline. I am coming to terms with it and I still love them even though they have shunned me. As for the man I knew who died recently, I never forgave him for what he did to his grandchildren. I hope his grandchildren were able to forgive him, because I know the peace that can bring to a victim, but understand if they could not, as that is their right. It is never right to expect forgiveness or force it. The JWs were always mandating forgiving people, but forgiveness is not something that can be forced. It is never owed. It is always the victim's right to extend it or not. No one should judge them for that. In this case, what he did to his granddaughters was probably far worse than what was done to me, so if they did forgive him, then he should be damn grateful. He was a likable person, as I said, but this one act forever marred his relationships with others. He was never treated the same in the congregation again. I did care for him, but it wasn't the same after he was reproved, and I never fully trusted him and was ever vigilant that he might try something again with me or someone else. I have mixed feelings with his death. Part of me is glad that other children are safe, and part of me misses the friend he could have been. Does that make sense? If it doesn't it is because I haven't quite got it all figured out myself. It is not so much what I think as how I feel. Reconciling the two is difficult. Talking to others, like you, has helped me sort things out. Talking to my therapist helps too. Thank you all for listening and responding. Love, Tammy
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  ihatescreennames

  I don't post much just look. This post however, hit too close to home to pass up.

  I agree with most of you (who can argue with feelings, anyway, it's just where we're at), I just thought you might like to hear me.

  I have been molested by my grandfather, uncle, cousins, Church Member, the classic "stranger danger" deal, been sold out for money, etc. The abuse started when I was 6 months and the hardcore stuff ended when I was approximately 9.

  Statistics tell me 3/4 of all the population share facets of this type of abuse with me.

  Forgiveness needs to be defined. I like some of the people who molested me, as people. I completely dislike the fact that they used me, raped me, tortured me, etc. They hurt me and I am forever scarred.

  I have had the opportunity to discuss my being molested by my uncle with my grandmother, who used to watch from the doorway. She is dragged about by her emotions in placing blame.

  Talking to her went a bit like this: "It wasn't his fault, you know. He was sad. He's had a hard life. You should have fought it, Michelle. But I don't think it's your fault. You're such a sweet girl. (puts head in hands) ****'s a good person. He fought it, you know. He didn't want to do it. He used to run from you because he knew what he'd do. He loves you. You need to see him. You're hurting him in not seeing him." She went on like that for hours, contradicting herself continually.

  For me, forgiving meant giving up my hate and learning what Love truly is. Love IS truth. If you love someone you will give them the truth. In my case, I am terrified of my Uncle to the point that whenever I am in the same room with him I try to kill myself promptly. I'm a little girl and I hurt. Loving others means loving me as much as them and that requires extreme consequences for what they did. It is an incredibly big deal. This is why I cannot be around my Uncle and many others. It hurts me and is detrimental.

  Loving my grandmother means that I cannot keep quiet. I'm ripping up her world which revolves around her son. She hates me externally for it, but like I said, she is bandied about by her emotions, and is on a constant roller coaster from it. She likes me sometimes too. She sends me Gypsy dresses for my Birthday, and pictures of us together.

  Liking and Loving are two entirely different things. Steadiness, truthfulness, and always having the greater good for both parties. Liking on the other hand, is the skin of Love. It's flaky, changes, is mortal. It isn't easy to love. I want to be a selfish brat, and stamp my feet, and slit people's throats. I also want to be a doormat sometimes, and just be cared for in the psuedolove fashion I have been given for most of my life. It's easier on my feelings.

  One of the most harmful responses the victim of sexual abuse has is an exaggerated response to what most people have from daily living.

  I have found a peace in all of my pain. I am still healing. My soul has been ripped open, gutted, and left, open and hollow. I'm getting my stuffing back. The Old Little Girl is dead. But I'm being resurrected so to speak. I shriek a little at being touched in such hurting places in my emotional bubble. Someday, I'll be whole. I know this, and that is why I go on. Forgiveness is a big part of that, and I'm learning. Truth is also just as big a part of it. I want to run away from what happened, and hide in my closet and sleep all day, waking only to cut myself and throw up. But I can't.

  I need to hold myself responsible for Now.

  Thanks for this post. It's nice to hear from everyone. It's a hard subject. Best of luck in healing.

  Michelle
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  Brummie

  Michelle what a story, thanks for being brave to share your expereince, I think a lot here will be touched by it and it will be another stepping stone in someone elses recovery if they stop by and read it.

  You and Swan have a special perspective, glad you shared.

  Brummie
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  avishai

  Michelle, I admire your bravery & strength in even being alive.

  That being said, I think your grandma is every bit as evil as your uncle, etc. as she witnessed it & enabled it. "You should have fought, Michelle." MY ASS!!!! Where was she fighting for you? Just like the damn elders.