by Englishman 35 Replies latest jw friends
What about mobile telephones? If you dial a number that ends with a 7 or 9, this creates a certain signal frequency that demons are able to tap into and use, so you mustn't hold the phone too close to your ear otherwise you leave yourself open for demon attacks.
Something like that.
The Ultimate Urban Myth
First we establish that there is an omnipresent being that has created the universe. We'll make this being a "He", this way women won't screw it up. Think I'm lying?! Look at the way women drive. End of argument.
Now, surely people are going to want "proof" and "evidence" of this being. No worries! We just say..."He's INVISIBLE"! Remember now, we are not trying to convince the WHOLE world of this...we just need a few hundred million idiots to pull this off. Believe me, this isn't as difficult as it sounds. Also, we need to have some sort of written credibility as to a history of such being. We can quote some ancient Mid-East sheep herders, politicians, and business people. You know, some books from such people that hold a common idea. Sprinkle in a few rantings of people who had hallucinations and drug induced experiences...and we can minipulate the translation ourselves! Pretty genius, wouldn't you say? Thanks.
We should also put in a "reward system" for those who believe us. Oh...let's say...um...I got it: There is no death, you can live forever in a place full of magic and leprachauns who are friends with fairy folk. Our method to promote this idea can be versatile...we can make a nice little paradise earth in the future (we'll just keep pushing the date back), or we can promote the idea that the Invisible Omnipresent Being has an Invisible Kingdom. Oh yes, and you can talk to the Omnipresent Being...but for some reason, he can't talk to you. But everything you do in your life, is indeed, being controlled by him. Hey...everything is 50/50 chance, and if you concentrate on the "positive" outcomes in any given situation...then we promote such. Again...do not worry about how to pull this off, like I said, we just need several hundred million idiots to believe us.
Now, we need to exploit the U.S. philosophy in commercial enterprise...advertise, advertise, advertise. I say we start a publishing company and circulate our magazines! But wait! Here's the kicker...we'll have sales people that work for us for FREE! Think of the profit margin! Should these "sales people" start to get disgruntled, we will just kindly remind them that they are giving the Omnipresent Being a heartache and not to piss him off. This will keep most of them in line.
Now, go forth and sell this idea in all the inhabited earth as a monopoly for us to achieve, once we do that, then the end of our business will come.
Yep....I'm sure damn glad I thought of this idea...and don't any of you dare steal it from me.
Edited by - D8TA on 8 January 2003 18:17:33
Lets Start An Urban Myth!
How about all American men are hung like a horse?
Bwahaha BT..but AINT NOBODY gonna fall for that... Nobaaawdy. Now if it were Brits, thats would be different issue.
Overweight Witnesses will be given 6 months to lower their weight down to "acceptable" levels (each elder body will judge what will be an acceptable weight), those not complying will be disfellowshipped. Each congregation will maintain an "official" scale, etc. etc.
---Dan
This is the one E-Man! I was thinking of this very thing this morning when I read an article on this. I felt like saying to my dub wife, how come I got disfellowshiped for smoking ....when obeisity is just as dangerous or worse? They would fall for this one as this has probably crossed their mind anyway.
Gumby
The Holy Spirit has recently revealed Jehovah's displeasure with the corporate name. It seems that watchtowers were first used by warlike people in and around babel. From now on the Society will be called "The Brooklyn Book Publishing & Sales Company." All JWs are asked to draw a line through "The Watchtower Bible & Tract Society" on all publications and neatly write in, "The Brooklyn Book Publishing & Sales Company."
Edited by - Nathan Natas on 8 January 2003 20:46:22
The Holy Spirit has revealed that Armageddon is symbolic and occurred in the first century CE.
How about all American men are hung like a horse?
Won't work. To be a myth, it has to be untrue.
Good Idea.
How bout this one.......With the recent increase in the budget for the war on terrorism they have begun having agents infiltrate groups that they consider a threat. Militias, Hate groups and religions that are way out of the mainstream. Jehovah's witnesses have been the object of government scrutiny and persecution before so it shouldn't be any problem getting witnesses to believe that there could be a spy in the congregation. Every time someone makes a comment about how bad terrorists are there will be suspicion. When a new one comes in they will be wondering if this person is actually a government undercover agent.
I'm sure the great minds on here could refine the story.
TimB
It has come to out attention that the apostates are organizing themselves for a world wide attack on God's earthly organization. Information has been received that apostates will be making arrangements to attack every kingdom hall possble for the purpose of placing satanic spells on the halls and on anyone who enters a hall. The spell can only be broken by putting the blood of a sheep on the doorpost of the hall. The blood must be left there to cancel the curse. Elders need to make arrangements for watchmen to guard the kingdom halls closely over the next few months. Due to the worldwide threat to God's organization each congregation will be resonsible to pay any costs due to the hiring of watchmen as well as the attaining of blood for the door posts.
Edited by - Lady Lee on 8 January 2003 21:45:8
