Most ridiculous statements from the JW stage?

by Smiles 69 Replies latest jw experiences

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  ESTEE

  Mother talking to her teenage daughter about university education:

  "So, have you given much thought to what you will be doing when you finish highschool?"

  Daughter: "Well, mom. . .I've been thinking it might be nice to go to university because I think I want to be a doctor."

  Mom: "Well, honey. . . Isn't that why you took home economics, to learn how to be a good wife and pioneer? Do you really think your husband would approve of you being a doctor?"

  Okay, so I'm thinking to myself . . . why would she choose a man who would not support her in her goals? <giving head a shake> Then I remembered, "Oh, yeah. . . jw-rules . . .woman has no brain, therefore no goals of her own. She only lives through her husband, if she is lucky enough to have one. . ."

  SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!

  ESTEE <----- of the "did-I-say-that?" class
• 

  rocketman

  Alan, thanks for the reference.

  Some funny ones on this thread....but Viv, what that elder said, at a funeral, in front of the children there was terrible.
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  onacruse

  One that comes to mind was made by yours truly. I was assistant literature servant at the time, and had a SM part about "how much old lit is sitting on your closet shelf?" I'd tallied how many books and mags the cong had gotten in the previous 6 months, and how much had been reported as placed, and (as to be expected) the difference showed that thousands of pieces of lit were collecting dust. So, in accord with the directions in the KM article, I suggested that we should cut down on our orders since we weren't placing all of it.

  The PO had a part right after mine, and promptly corrected my ridiculous comment; said the solution was to get out in service more and place that literature!

  How could I have been so stupid? LOL

  Craig
• 

  RunningMan

  One elder asked the audience, "What happens if you travel faster than light?"

  After no one responded, he answered, "You enter a place where light has never been."

  He then went on to point out that he learned that from Star Trek. That appears to have been the extent of his scientific exposure.
• 

  acsot

  During his public talk an elder once told the congregation that they could no longer watch figure skating on T.V. because he found out that one (!) of the skaters was gay.

  I wanted to ask him if he watched the news, since the news anchor was "living in sin" with his female companion, not having been properly married.

  Or did he hand out questionnaires when going to the gas station in order to ensure that the attendants were heterosexual, monogamous, God-fearing and wanting a Bible study.

  Sheesh.
• 

  Utopian_Raindrops

  One year it seemed a battle The Elders and some sisters were having about wearing make-up.

  Some husbands had been commanding their wives not to wear make-up and they refused to comply.

  It became a matter of several local needs talks as well as slipped into a few talks about having respect for the headship Principle!

  At the time I wondered what the criky was going on?!?! So I asked an Old Time Pioneer who told me. Cracked me up years later when the info came on out make-up being ok and that even the name of Jobs daughter Keren-happuch s was the container of the eyeliner used at the time.

  Other stupid stuff said from the podium (I mean platform) was about animals. We lived on a large piece of land when I was a kid and we had horses, cows, chickens, rabbits, Owls, a hawk, raccoons, 35 or so add cats, I bred Dobermans.....etc....you get the point. Anyway on many occasions they will speak of how animals are not conscience of themselves and believe me they are!! If you become really involved with them they learn so much right down to favorite feeding dish. Even if you clean all the dishes for instance the dog may always go for the green one and never the blue. Wont touch food in itknock it over etc? Once the brother was saying how animals couldnt feel guilt or remorse over doing wrong as we can. Have you ever seen a dog that just got into the garbage?? Or did a doodle on your kitchen floor? Maybe chewed up your morning paper? Had a horse throw me once. She was quite a personality 1 st I fell underneath her and she could have stomped on my face as my head was just underneath her right front hoof! She went through contortions to avoid me almost fell herself! Then she followed me around for days and this ornery critter that always was nipping me and giving me trouble was the nicest mildest thing. Cant tell me she didnt feel guilty! Not just from the platform but, in the mags I have read one wrong thing after another about animals and their behavior or personalities and were supposed to take it as fact! Animals are amazing and have a wide range of personalities and inelegances.

  Anyway those are my 2 main ones. I know I hear other things just these are what stuck.

  Ciao 4 now,

  Utopian_Raindrops, of the "Talks To Animals Class"

  Edited by - Utopian_Raindrops on 9 January 2003 14:47:38

  Edited by - Utopian_Raindrops on 9 January 2003 14:48:25
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  meadow77

  I have never been a JW so I have to live vicariously through my best friend who was raised a JW.

  The first gem she ever told me about was when she was counseled at age 8 for being "difficult" Her father was physically abusive, and an elder told her that if he had a daughter that acted the way she did, that he would beat them too.

  The other was her grandmother, who did not like me very much at all, shouted as she was leaving one night, "You just go out with that bunch of girls, who knows what they've got you into, you're probably wearing BLACK underwear now" Apparently balck undergarments are another sign of the devil, incidentally she was not wearing black underwear.

  I know these weren't from a stage, but I just had to share them.
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  heathen

  Here's a gem that many are aware of , The president of the WT showed up at an assembly here in FT. Worth and announced that all the annointed were accounted for .I remember getting up and making my way to the toilet at that point.One time at the congregation an elder made the comment that children could not enter the kingdom on their parents coat tails.It just makes my sick to hear them making demands on children.

  Edited by - heathen on 9 January 2003 15:19:32
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  Gedanken

  Howdy Alan!

  Thanks for posting the Rogerson quote again - that's a classic. I love the way he says "whenever this literature strays into..." The stuff on the Mammoths is so typical of the JWs and fundies in general - they eagerly seize on to any argument that sounds good without the least desire to check it out, while closing their ears totally to everything that casts even the slightest doubt on their beliefs. After all, since they know that they are right it really doesn't matter since the real facts simply must be in accord with their beliefs.

  Have you read Janet Browne's biography of Darwin? The second part, just out, is wonderful. I'll lend it to you when I'm done if you haven't. Also, I'm getting a biography of Alfred Russel Wallace too. But, maybe I should dump these books into the river and study "Did man get here by Evolution or Creation?" instead.

  Gedanken
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  LDH

  I'm about to piss myself I'm laughing so hard. I need Depends.

  Lisa