Help !! How can I stop my stepson stealing

by kelpie 17 Replies latest social family

• 

  TR

  I agree with yeru. Take him down to the local jail for a tour. Tell him that's where he'll end up if he doesn't quit.

  TR
• 

  Been there

  Kelpie,

  This is a learning time for your little 8 yr. old. Most kids get alittle bad at this age. They are testing their wings. They are no longer little kids - totally attached to the parents. They are learning that there is life outside of the family. Peer pressure starts to kick in. I observed this raising my kids. I always warn people of "THE 8 YEAR OLDS". This is the best time to teach them that what they do can hurt other people. My son was caught playing with fire in the woods with other boys (@ 8) We lived a quarter mile from a fire station so I called them up and they let me bring my kids down. (I had told them ahead of time to hold no punches) We got there and was met by a very nice FF. He sat the kids down, and told them how dangerous his job was and how FF's die everyday doing their job. He had kids of his own and going to a fire they may have started, he could die and his kids would not have a daddy. The kids were really starting to squarm then. Then he pulled out the big guns. He brought out pictures of kids their age very badly burned. He told them how each one happened, playing with matches, or candles etc. It was powerful. At that age they need to see the consequences of their behavior. I remember being 8 myself and the things I got into, stealing was one of them. I stole .50 from my grandmothers purse. I went to the pet store and bought a white mouse. She took me back to the pet store, I had to tell them what I did and give the mouse back, then..................I had to listen for what seemed hours...from her, out of the bible why God hates a theif. Hey it worked for me. It seems at that age just the embarressment factor is a great deterrant.

  So sorry, didn't mean to write a book. In other words............

  He will most probably outgrow it with a little catching from you. I always told my kids "It's your job to do it, It's my job to catch you". So just keep catching him, and giving him grief. Good ideas about letting someone he stole from take something of their choice that he loves. Good lesson.
• 

  Lin

  Hi Kelpie, sorry to hear you're going through this. I have six children, so believe me I understand, but that's not to say I'm an expert, by no means. I agree with the combination of the other suggestions. Kids have a short memory, and doing just one of the suggestions will only stick for a little while. Since you said you've noticed that this has been going on for awhile, or you've noticed it happening more and more, I'd suggest doing several of the suggestions, and not just all at one time. I think a good scare from the cops handcuffing him and even putting him in the police car etc and "grilling" him (by a nice, understanding cop wanting to help) would help. With your son being only eight years old, something like this might stick alot longer than if he's 12-13 and up. Once they get into Middle School/Junior High, then you really notice a big change almost over night. So the sooner you get on this the better. Maybe the cop can find out where your son is getting these ideas, if friends are gloating over doing this same thing and he's trying to fit in, etc. Which would help you to know who his friends are and maybe have to monitor those closely. Good luck to you!
• 

  BeautifulGarbage

  A friend and I were busted at a supermarket for stealing when we were 10.

  My friend had older sisters and commented that they stole all the time. No big deal.

  Hence my life of crime commenced. Got away with it a few times. We got bolder. And then we got caught and were shown NO MERCY.

  We were taken in the office of the supermarket and had to sign a statement. Then, the police were called and we were taken down to the Huntington Beach police station and thrown in a holding cell complete with iron bars. We were even searched for drugs and weapons by some lady putting her hands up my shirt and down my pants and "copping a feel". Ugh! I was completely mortified!

  After they took all our information, then our parents were called. I prayed that my Mom, instead of my Dad, would come to pick me up. No such luck. I still remember seeing his face through the one way glass. It was beyond angry. He didn't beat me. I know now it was because he probably would have seriously injured me. Anyway, I was grounded for a loooong time and any contact with my friend was cut off.

  Never shoplifted again.

  Andee
• 

  thewiz

  you will have to take a moral ground.
  maybe he doesn't see the wrongness in it.
  perhaps YOU may WANT to do something WRONG, in FRONT of him. something harmless and not detrimental. maybe the shock of that will teach him a moral lesson. then talk about why it's wrong, reason on it, not just "It's wrong, that's why," etc.
  take $50 worth of HIS stuff from him, maybe he will say "you can't do that" Don't say "why not, you do it!" Just plain act casual about it like there is nothing wrong with it. he may come to his own conclusion due to this obvious conundrum and come to the solution himself. Say something like "oooh, i like this, i'm going to take this," ACT sneaky about it too. Of course it has to be properly orchestrated or it may have the reverse affect, that of encouraging him TO steal.
  
  extreme measures. this will take a some talent. i've never done it, just brainstorming here
  have a dog or cat he loves? make it disappear. someone took it, you/he may NEVER see it again. then tell him you found it again. some kid took it. don't point out a kid (your stepson may start throwing rocks at the kid) make things intangible. but the fright of it may help him appreciate what he may be doing to others.
  
  ifin' that doesn't work there's always Hell and Gehenna
• 

  troucul

  Try beatings. And if that doesn't work, try some more beatings. And if he still has problems with stealing, try beating him.
• 

  kelpie

  Thanks everyone for all your suggestions.

  I will try and put some of them into practice... (execpt the beatings)

  I really appreciate it.

  Kelps
• 

  wednesday

  I stole as a chid and my mom caught me an made me return the item. All it did was make me resolve to be a lot more careful next time. eventually they took me to a child shrink, and he said i was reacting to lack of love toward me. Now, in my case , ths was absolutely true. The more thay told me i was bad, th more determined i was to do it. Maybe your child has had some major upheavels in his life -divorced paretns? etc. they told my paretns stealing was a cry or help, and also, a way of showing hatred toward the person they are stealing from(such as stelaing from a relative).