Not invited

dmouse

I am alone at home tonight. My wife and children are busy having dinner and 'spiritual association' with an elder and his wife.

I wasn't invited, even though I am not DA or DF, just inactive. And although I've made my position clear in that I'm not interested anymore I've never made any trouble really.

I didn't think it would hurt but it does. I wonder how many other denominations do this sort of thing - invite only the 'believing mate' round for tea? It seems to do nothing but emphasis the 'us and them' attitude. I would have thought they would invite us as a family, at least for the sake of my wife's feelings, because I might be turned around by their love? Perhaps it's for the best, he's not the humblest of elders; I probably would've cracked and punched his sanctimonious face in by the end of the evening.

Has anyone else experienced this dividing of marriage mates into 'worthy' and 'unworthy' when it comes to invites to dinner?

Scully

((((((((((((( dmouse ))))))))))))))))

Sorry you're going through this.

You realize you could have invoked your "family head" role and forbidden your wife & children to go without you. The elders, in particular, have no business causing divisions like this in your family. If you are not welcome in their home, your wife and children will have to decline tea.

How is Ben doing these days??

Love, Scully

JH

They love to divide families. Even if you're only inactive, they will put you in the same bunch as DF'd people. Even if you were active, but not to their taste, maybe they wouldn't have invited you either.

Edited by - JH on 11 January 2003 14:57:54

riz

that sucks. i'm sorry dmouse.

if i got an invite and my husband didn't, i wouldn't go. and i'd say 'if my husband isn't good enough, neither am i.'

that's just mean.

shera

Hugs Dmouse.

That would hurt,if I were you I would let them know that I couldn't care less.(easier said than done I know)I think thats what they wanted to do,was make you feel left out and try to use these methods to get you back.To me its childish,if your not going to do what I want than,you can't be my friend.I'm sorry if this comes across wrong.

I haven't experinced things like that,but I have been left out of friend gatherings because they have JW in their families.Not really comparable to the pain that would cause tho. I'm sorry you are feeling hurt.

Heather

Edited by - shera on 11 January 2003 15:0:24

orangefatcat

dmouse sorry about what happened, however I don't mean to came across as brash but why didn't you tell your wife as head of the house that she could not go. I mean you are the head right? And what could the elders do??? Zip, nothing, because your exercising your right as head of the house. As for that elder he needs a refresher course in manners.

Just a thought

Love Orangefatcat.

dmouse

Thanks for your supportive words folks, it helps.

Scully, thanks for asking about Ben (my teenage son). He's undergoing intensive elder scrutiny at the moment, with continuing indoctrination sessions, sorry, bible studies every Wednesday night with one of them. But despite that he's turning into a very mature and sensible lad (as far as teenagers can!). He is biding his time, like many youths in the congregation, and not saying too much. But he is taking no active role in the congregation, has stopped going in field service, and tells me that he will never be baptised as a JW.

Ben is busy making plans for his life (NOT pioneering!). He loves the stage, singing, acting and dancing and I am trying to maintain his options as best I can. One day he will be famous; he has the drive and talent to make it. Of course he has the constant barrage of negative comments from all members of the family who are still JWs about the lure of Satan's world but he just smiles to himself and ignores them.

What I don't want is for him to suffer the complete breakdown in faith that I experienced. I lost my faith completely in God and that has been an awful weight to bear. I have told Ben that losing faith in a religion shouldn't mean losing faith in God and he should explore other options, particularly in the Christian faith. I have mentioned to him the possibility of attending the church where some of his school friends go and he seems keen on that idea.

He may go with them to church tomorrow, that'll really freak his mum out if she ever finds out!

bay64me

Dmouse, that is a nasty thing to do, not inviting you.

This elder is not excercising love and his behaviour is very rude

GermanXJW

In the local congregation there is a pioneer who is married to a non-jw. Actually, she had been married when she became a JW. Recently there was a wedding. She was invited, he was not. She approached the inviting family and asked if it was possible also to invite her husband. Since she is busy during the week as a pioneer her husband would not allow her to go without him on a week-end for extra events. Then he too got an invitation.

dmouse

Hi Orangefatcat,

I hear where you're coming from, it's SO tempting isn't it, to put one's foot down and make a stand as head of the house.

I considered it but then I thought it would just come across as 'persecution' and would make matters worse. I'm in for the long haul, hoping that my wife will eventually contrast the Society's stereotype 'unbelieving mate' with the reality and start to think for herself.

We can hope huh?

Not invited

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