I think my husband DA'd over the phone

FreeFallin

I don't know where to begin with this.

We had a meeting scheduled for Monday nite (tomorrow), the inactive call. We decided to cancel the meeting and I've been working on a letter to the elder who was supposed to come over. I wanted to tell him how we felt and that we just wanted to back away gracefully.

So when my husband called him to cancel, he told him that he couldn't be the witness the congregation expected, etc. And that he would send him a LETTER. My husband was referring to the letter I was writing, not a DA letter. So now, I'm not sure what to do. I've changed my letter to reflect the fact that we may DA....

Here's the last portion of the letter:

The following statement comes directly from the Societys official website.

Do you shun former members?

Those who simply leave the faith are not shunned. If, however, someone unrepentantly practices serious sins, such as drunkenness, stealing, or adultery, he will be disfellowshipped and such an individual is avoided by former fellow-worshipers. Every effort is made to help wrongdoers. But if they are unrepentant, the congregation needs to be protected from their influence.

So xxxx, I think you now know where we stand. We simply wish to leave the faith. We have not attended a meeting at the Kingdom hall for seven or so years and have not turned in field service time for at least ten years. We wanted to walk away from this gracefully, but that seems impossible. Apparently the Organization sees fit to print one thing on their website and do quite another away from the eyes of the world.

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So should we back down, and try to just avoid any meetings and not DA? My fear is that they will find something to disfellowship us for, out of spite. Do any of you know how they will respond to us not following the rules? I kinda think this elder wants a DA letter from us.

I hope I've explained this well enough. Thank you all for your time.

FreeFallin

Gizmo

We have not attended a meeting at the Kingdom hall for seven or so years and have not turned in field service time for at least ten years.

Just wondering, what it is you are hoping for freefallin, are you still associating with any witnesses? If not why worry?

It is fact the JW's are encouraged not to associate with ex JW's or worldly type people, if you have associates in there that you still see, well they probably won't want to see you anymore! Unfortunately that's the mindset and you or i can't do anything about it. Except get out ourselves.

If you have family, that you feel will shun you, inform them, that you have not been disfellowshipped, for any sins, but instead disassociated yourselves, from the congreagtion. No particular reasons ie: you disagree with the GB (even tho you do) then point them to the society's own words on their website.

Just what I would personally do.

Good luck

mattnoel

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mattnoel

Hi mate,

I hate to be harsh - but whatever you do will not work now. I tried to just dissapear from the witnesses, I hoped that if I stopped and backed away no one would notice, this followed by repeated calls from elders asking where I was and why I was not at meetings anymore. They then wanted a meeting with me, I kept putting it off but they started to get all serious on me.

If you just leave it, you will probably be marked or something so the witnesses wont really associate with you anyway, in the end I just got diss'd and was out of it anyway. I was so hurt that the friends I had always had all my life suddenly stopped talking to me, I know it is something the witnesses stick by but were they really your friends in the first place if they are going to turn their back on you.

You sound like you are indecisive as to what you want, you are scared to take the step of leaving completely but on the other hand you are fed up with it all. My advice to you is make up your mind what you really want and go for it, if you are really desperate to keep those friends you will need to go back, bite your lip and plod on as a witness OR get it over with get out, you WILL make new friends, I had to and I did, you wont be alone !

I really hope things work out for you and hubby, it was a rough ride when I first left but gradually things got better and you will eventually be able to put it all behind you.

All the best,

Matt

FreeFallin

Gizmo,

No there is no one in the congrgation that I really care about. it would just be nice to see people and act normal, say hi, and walk by. I don't want to convince anyone it's not the truth. I don't see us as a threat to the cong.

Thanks for answering.

Free

FreeFallin

mattnoel,

You sound like you are indecisive as to what you want, you are scared to take the step of leaving completely but on the other hand you are fed up with it all.

You summed up what I've been trying to say, exactly. It's just that I've read so many people's posts where they say they won't let the org. have any authority over them. And that by DAing you're playing their game, according to their rules. On the other hand, if we continue to dodge the bullet, will we maybe be disfellowshipped later on any pretext? Like a few candles in the window at Christmas time? Yes, I want it all behind me, the only problem is, my hubby is not sure just what is wrong with the Borg. Just that he doesn't want to go to meetings. He won't read and educate himself. I'm afraid he is going thru so much guilt, just don't know how to help him.

Free

SheilaM

Free Fallin:

My hubby was so scared of being disfellowshipped, we've had Christmas stuff up for two years. Unless they DF without telling us we are just gone. I'm not sure if you have family or what that is keeping you worried.

My husband thought the world would end <no pun intended> if we left, you know what it didn't We have been much happier and DF or DA only has the power if YOU let them. I look them right in the eye <as they run from me LOL> I wonder sometimes what they said if we were DA or DF but it the scheme of things does it really matter. They don't ever witness on our street anymoreso I guess we will never know.

Farkel

FreeFallin,

: would just be nice to see people and act normal, say hi, and walk by.

Normal people do not interact well with abnormal people. Dubs are abnormal people. Please take this into consideration.

"Do not wrestle with a pig. You can't win, and the pig actually likes it." - Mark Twain

Farkel

ESTEE

(((((Freefallin)))))

I'm sorry to hear about your struggle with deciding on what to do about the meddling elders right now. . .

So, according to the society publications, they will not shun you if you "leave the faith", or "do a fade"?

Theoreticaly that may work. I hope so . . . for your sake. The reality is that as soon as the rumor gets around, most will shun you anyway, simply because they have not done the research that you have done on this topic. I dare say, they do not know about the "leave-the-faith" clause.

I figure. . . do not send a letter of any kind, just fade from the jw picture. Avoid talking to the elders, do not answer the door for them and let the answering machine pick up their calls.

OTOH, matt offers some sensible advice.

I will tell you from my personal experience (I'm disfellowshipped) that it is no fun to have my kids shun me. Now I follow them by doing internet searches. Not nice what jw's do to families. . .

Good luck and keep us posted, hon!

Love,

ESTEE

Princess

I have three progressive threads on this topic. I totally understand your position. My husband and I did walk away gracefully...for almost seven years. This year the elders called the weekend before Christmas. They wanted to come for the "inactive visit/wake up call" and they said it had been reported that we had Christmas decorations. My husband confirmed that we had in fact had Christmas decorations for five years and they were welcome to come by.

We don't know for sure why they chose this year to come after us, but we do have a few guesses. It doesn't matter to us though. The witnesses, including elders, have been shunning us for six years. Now it is official.

My point is, you can try to bow out gracefully and just go on with your life, minding your own business, but they will probably come after you sometime. We refused to write a letter to DA ourselves. When they told us three weeks ago that they'd have to make an announcement to the congregation, we said "do what YOU have to do, it makes no difference to us". The elder said if it were him, he would have written a letter as soon as he decided to leave. Steve told him he thought it would be ironic that the last thing he did upon leaving would be following their rules and writing a letter.

In the end, we made them uncomfortable at their own meeting when they made the announcement.

Good luck,

Rachel

I think my husband DA'd over the phone

Do you shun former members?

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