My mother (coldhearted JW she is)

by YellowLab 14 Replies latest social family

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  wednesday

  I dearly love my grand kids, but can only stand so much time with them. They are quit a handfull. It takes both my hubby and i to sit for them. I use videos too, it is the only time they will sit quietly.

  Part of the reason i can;'t sit all the time, i have ongoing helath problems and i don't have the strength to keep up with these two active kids.

  I love them more than my life, and would do anyhting for them, but have to set some limits on the amout of time we babysit.

  Not all grandparents want to babysit all the time. Some still have a life.

  Setting limits does not mean grandma does not love her kids. It could mena she still has a life and needs to set limits.
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  EarthyFire

  Hi Yellow,

  When I read your post my first thought was 'wow your mom calls you?!!' lol. I lfet the org when I was 17 or so, Im now 24. My hubby and I had our daughter 2001 and she was special for both sides of the family because 1.she was the first baby born in at least 7 years, 2. she is the FIRST GREAT grandbaby, the first of our generation within our families. My husband is eldest of 3 boys, Im middle of 3 girls, and both of us have at least one sibbling who will never have children or at least give birth. In my family there was the additional factor that the last one to give birth (my aunt) died moments after her child was born.

  When I was pregnant we talked a bit but for the most part my family dosn't call me. I have to email the ones who are still JWs when we are planning a trip near where they live, and I have to make all the arrangements. I think my father & grandparents liked seeing her and did fall in love with her, but involved they are totaly not. My other JW family, aunts ect and other grandmother, have flatly refused to see her, which makes me so mad. She did nothing wrong to them. But I figure my daughter is all the better for their lack of attention. She has lots of family that my husband and I have made for her, close friends and a few family members. I do wish my father and grandparents would all try a little more, but I'm the one who has to do it....not that I have to but I choose to, I send them pics and updates and will keep doing so till they ask me to stop. I don't feel I have the right to deny them from my daughter but I'm also not as low as them to just turn my back on them like they have me. It hurts tho, and I don't think that hurt ever goes away, you just get better at coping with it.

  I don't even know if my family has told others about the new addition, I would like to think my dad shows off her pic, saying proudly that his granddaughter, but I doubt it. I was the biggest disappointment in his life so I don't think he would show off my proudest achievement. I'm just glad my husband and I love our child enought that we make up for the love her other family denies her.

  ~EarthyFire

  PS- Going out!!??!! WOW lol. I've not been away from my daughter since she's been born lol she is now 19 months old. I'd love to have a lil adult time lol but we are way to critical about who we leave her with and there's prlly a list of only 5 ppl we trust lol the nearst lives about 1 1/2 hrs away lol. Lucky ppl who get to go out
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  HappyHeathen

  Yellow,

  Your mother's coldness toward your children probably has more to do with her own nature than whether she's a dub. She sounds a lot like my mom actually, who had 5 children but is one of the least maternal women I've ever known. Now that I'm an adult and have more perspective, I don't hold it against her. The ironic part is she's a great mom to me now that I'm grown, very generous, caring, and supportive. But she is simply one of those people who CANNOT relate to children and doesn't know what to do with one, so she gets very anxious and can't deal with the normal stresses of child-rearing very well. When we were growing up, she yelled a lot and said things that were inappropriate to us. The spankings often got out of control.

  Needless to say, when I had my own children, she never offered to babysit until they were well past 5 years old. And then, I didn't ask because she made my kids uncomfortable and they would beg me not to have grandma babysit.

  Just accept the fact that some women aren't maternal, though they may be great people in other ways.

  Faith
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  YellowLab

  Thanks to everyone for their posts. It helps to gain a different perspective and know that I'm not the only one that feels this way. Funny how the JWs are taught to "love one another". Hmm...

  I've decided to not let my mother get the best of me. If she chooses not to be part of their lives, then so be it. I have to agree with EarthyFire that the best course of action is to surround your children with love. I love my kids to death and could never imagine not spending time with them. I still think there is some hidden resentment that I didn't follow the "true and righteous" path my brother did. Here she is a grandma and she can't even take her grandchildren to the hall. I think that really hurts her inside. Yet, I can't even imagine putting my children through what I went through growing up as a Dub. My mother comes off as being a bit selfish, and I think that reflects the many years she's been a Dub. Children are God's greatest gifts... love them!

  I see several of you are new here as well. Here's my story if you haven't read already:

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=43744&site=3

  YellowLab
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  musky

  I would suggest that you tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her that you feel its because you are not going to meetings resulting in her not treating your children as expected. Maybe she feels different than you think. Either way, At this point in her life she will not change. My folks are somewhat the same. They seem like they want there own life, and we shouldn't be bothering them. So, every once in a while, they call us or we call them. We sometimes visit eachothers house once in a while. I have a wife and 2 children, 6 and 4.

  Just try to set the best example you can, both for your kids and your mom. I would not blame the watchtower 100% for something like this. Usually, the rules and regulations of the tower are used as an excuse for what the person already feels in there heart.