To go or not to go..that is the ?

noidea

I was asked last Friday from a Man that I work with if I wanted to go to the Titans game, I declined because I had plans for the next day. I was talking with him today and we were excited that they won. He was saying that it would be awesome if they won and went to the Superbowl. He said if they won he was considering going and asked if I would like to go. I asked about how much the tickets and airfare would cost. After my jaw dropped I told him there was no way I could afford to do that. He said you don't have to..all you have to do is want to go. He said no strings..we can just go and hang out and have fun. *I'm thinking yeah..I know what this guy makes and there is no way he can afford this. Turns out he is heavy into real estate and has close to 30 homes he rents out. Why are you working here I asked..he said he wanted to be an Air Marshall for fun and he wanted to get his foot in the door. He was already offered the job in another state but because of his real estate business he couldn't leave this area. I'm thinking this is kinda of an expensive date..several of my friends heard that he asked and said that he is a really good guy and that I wouldn't have anything to worry about and they think I should go. As I was leaving he mentioned it again and I said what if they don't win..his answer was we can still go. *Jaw dropped again. So what do you think? Too good to be true..should I even consider this? I have a life time of being naive is this another one of those? I told my daughter after I came to my senses and decided no..her reaction was "Go Titans" that was a total shock coming from her..turns out she wants a T-shirt. *rolls eyes

Introspection

..several of my friends heard that he asked and said that he is a really good guy and that I wouldn't have anything to worry about and they think I should go.

Well.. Whether you have anything to worry about depends on you, not them. What do you think of the guy? There are more than two answers to that - it's not only whether he is a good guy or not, the third answer is you just don't know. Don't get so hung up on going or not going that you forget this part of it, if you don't know make your decision from that. Even if you don't go, it just means you don't go this time. I'm not here to push any values on anyone, but my guess is for most people if they don't know someone well enough they don't go away on a trip with them. What constitutes well enough is up to you.

noidea

I don't fear him and know him well enough to know that I wouldn't have any trouble with him. He is a very nice guy and hasn't ever tried to come on to me. He just has the means to do what ever he wants. I just have never done anything like that before.

Utopian_Raindrops

noidea,

There is never a No Strings Attached date.

Even if the guy takes you to McDonalds he is expecting things to go somewhere. Maybe he is a real gentleman and doesnt expect sex BUT he wants a relationship with you.

This date he is asking you out on is him trying to get closer to you.

You are a wonderful, beautiful woman so this is no surprise.

The only thing you need to ask yourself is do YOU want to get closer to him.

Not based on expensive gifts or dates that make you think WOW this guy is great but based on his qualities as a human.

Before he ever asked for this date did he appeal to you at all? Did he turn your head with anything kind he has done? What are his mannerisms? Is he kind to everyone? What is his sense of humor like?

Remember also, if you go on a date with a man too far away from home.....how will you end this date and get back home without him?

What if you find you cant stand his company? You are then stuck with him till your return.

I would get to know him better too. I once had a guy give me lines about his investments; he took me out shopping.wanted to buy me a fur he said! Something made me feel weird about him and I didnt except his gifts even though he insisted no strings. I wont get into details but, even though he didnt expect the pay off from me right away there was strings and he was/is a real creep!

The naive person inside me though GO FOR IT when I read your thread but, the much wiser after being kicked around single mom in me said NO WAY have to think of the kids.

There is so much time you could spend getting to know this guy in person at close to home.

Remember it is the little things in life that count. You dont want to be blinded by a flashy show!

Just my 2 cents.....If you do chose to go Ill take a tee shirt too.

Take care sugar.

Agape,

Utopian_Raindrops

Para ti.......

Edited by - Utopian_Raindrops on 13 January 2003 23:34:13

Kismet

The fact that you have to ask, is somewhat telling, don't you think?

But I stopped making decisions for and telling people what to do in their personal lives when I stepped aside as an elder.

I will say, trust your gut.

Kismet

noidea

Utopian, The thing that bothers me is that it is so expensive. I don't think he is trying to buy me because he has never even asked me out on a date before. He did offer to take me to the game last week because we were talking about the game and said he had an extra ticket. I am in no way ready for a relationship and he knows this. He is very nice and if I was in a position to go out with someone I would think about it. I am taking the time needed to heal and find myself before opening my heart to anyone. I will not settle for anything but being happy. He said it's not a date just as friends...separate everything. I was so caught off guard with the whole thing. I was talking to my sister and said that there is a Superbowl every year and that it could wait..Now whether the Titans go is another story. <g>

Introspection

I'm going to echo part of what UR said, and the thing that kind of stood out for me is why the fact that he happens to have the monetary means to do whatever he wants is significant. (think of it this way: is a rich JW free?)

Let me tell you a story - I don't know that you even are thinking along these lines of course, but since it's up in the air it brought it to mind. I know this girl who was seeing this lawyer, she's a really smart and sweet woman - has a doctoral degree and yet very humble. But then she met this kid who's not a big shot in that way and as far as I can tell she broke it off with the lawyer because there was something genuine there with this ordinary joe - who I know to be a nice guy and fairly intelligent but he's not someone to show it. Now, of course I'm not saying we should go out and break up over finding someone we perceive to be better in some way, but it's just interesting what she saw in this other guy and gave up the intellectual and financial riches.. or whatever you want to call it. I guess there are still people out there who doesn't look at outward appearances, after all.

Introspection

Oh, just another thought.. Think of it this way, if someone has money but doesn't have to use it to have a good time - now THAT would be what I call a person who's really free, and in a sense someone who has the means to do whatever they want.

noidea

Intro..I understand where you're coming from. It's his money that keeps me from going that's the reason that I even have reservations. I have been in the position to go out with some well to do. That's the thing I'm not ready to date anyone. He saw that I would like to go and that I didn't have the means to go. To him it's no big deal. He has never been flashy with money at work and very few know that he even has it. I have worked with him for months and had no clue. Like I said he is just a nice guy who has it and likes to do for others.

Utopian_Raindrops

Noidea,

You are very wise to be waiting on having another relationship till you have healed.

Its also good he knows this.

I am not there so I can not see how he behaves around you and notice if maybe youve been missing any cues from him that show his feelings for you.

On one hand you tell us, I.know him well enough. At the same time you admitted, I know what this guy makes and there is no way he can afford this. Turns out he is heavy into real estate and has close to 30 homes he rents out. My point is we dont REALLY know anyone. For all you know this guy has liked you a long time and this is his window. His way of showing you he isnt like all the others.

I am not saying he is a bad person by the way. I am saying because you have been holding your heart aside so you can heal you may have missed some cues.

Poor guy may have been fawning over you for sometime and you may have been oblivious!

This may have been his 1 st chance to really get your attention.

Your subconscious probably knows this and thats why you need advice. Youre still guarding yourself.

If it were a simple matter of expenses you would have told him clearly straight away. You seem a passionate woman and so would have no problem if not for the fact youre guarding your heart.

I think your solution is really the best and I am glad we were a sounding board for you.

As you say I was talking to my sister and said that there is a Super bowl every year and that it could wait.

Of course if the Titans play I still want a tee shirt.

Take care beauty,

Agape,

U_R

P.S. I know you feel it is about expenses but I would be truly surprised if this guy has no interest in you what so ever other then a friend. So please be patent with me and others who dont seem to get your point. Just want you to think of all the possibilities and keep you from any unnecessary hurt.

mas para ti......

To go or not to go..that is the ?

Share this