Just had to share this!...

by Golden Girl 42 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  outnfree

  ((((((Snoozy)))))))

  Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you!

  I am SO tempted to send a copy of this thread to a Sister I loved whose elder husband suffered from kidney failure and a brain tumor which resulted in his death about 1-1/2 yrs ago. Same old story -- very few 'friends' visited, even though she begged the brothers to come and take him out in field service (during periods when he was able) at his request. She was so hurt.

  However, she's still "in" and her mother and only sister are both witnesses (who DID come help her care for him at the end), and she's in her 70's, so I don't know that it's worth the effort to demonstrate FURTHER lack of love in the WT organization to her. But I hope it's eased her relationship with her one non-JW son, who is still good to her. And made the JW elder son more aware, too, of the hypocrisy (though from what I hear of him, I doubt it). At least her boys are financially well off, so that SHE won't lack for care if/when she grows infirm...

  I, too, thought the baby monitor was a clever idea!

  Heaven,

  I have been reading your responses and am glad we will meet in Texas. I would like to speak to you about what you learned by witnessing your dear grandma's death.

  Snoozy,

  I am glad you will talk to the pastor next week. It will help tremendously, I am sure. What you are experiencing would be difficult even if all the players were doing exactly what they should be, with love. Since they're not... you need someone on the spot who can hug you and listen and give feedback the way we'd like to if we were physically present.

  (((((((((((((GG))))))))))))))))))

  out
• 

  Solace

  Snoozy,

  I agree, so many witnesses are good people. Its breaks my heart to see them so manipulated.

  Your husband had asked that a witness come to see him, but it is you who is really helping him the most. You are the one being so loving, comforting and reasuring to him. You are the one being strong and telling him it is ok, when you are probably just as afraid as he is.

  I think about you often and I admire your strength.

  I really appreciate you sharing your experience with us, it makes me think about whats really important in my life.

  Out&free,

  I am really looking forward to meeting you too!

  I guess you almost cant help having a some kind of spiritual experience when you are so near death or watching someone else pass on, its such an emotional time. The person I spoke about was my great aunt, my grandmothers sister. My grandmother had passed away before I reached the hospital to see her.

  My grandfathers death was the most disturbing to me because I know for a fact that he didnt want to die because he asked the Dr.s to do everything in their power to keep him alive. In the end, he refused a tranfusion during the surgery and my family enouraged him in making this decision. He later died on the operating table.

  This is when I began seriously doubting the society and everything they stand for.
• 

  Golden Girl

  Hi again!..well Hubby had a really bad day today!..He is getting a lot weaker. Can't hardly get up anymore. He is so thin. Wants to sleep all the time.I guess the next step is a hospital bed. Did get him to eat some oatmeal with honey..but it went right through him.

  His Mom and my daughter were supposed to come today. My daughter was going to make the 2 hour trip to pick up the JW mother in law..but my daugher has asthma really bad and she started to have trouble breathing on the way. so she had to go back home. They were only going to stay an hour or two..myJW mother in law said she doesn't feel comfortable staying all night here anymore...so my daughter was going to have to make the 2 hour trip back to take her home. I'm glad they didn't come..hubby didn't feel like having company.

  So his mom is getting a witness to bring her Tuesday for a while. She could have just waited and came then. She just kept pushing my daughter until she gave in. I will say something about that for sure when she gets here!. I know she wants to see her son..but she is going to have to get her witnesses to help..My daughter just had major surgery a while back and is still recouperating!. The other daughter had her grandaughter and her son so she couldn't make the long trip with the two toddlers!. She is also going to have an MRI Monday. and she has to schedule for a biopsy on a knot on her neck! Plus she works full time.

  So dear MIL is just going to have to get someone else to do her bidding!. Especially since I told her she was welcome to stay the night or even a few days.(Through Clentched teeth!) She is the one that feels uncomfortabe. And she should!).She doesn't need to run her grandchildren ragged!. They are going through a lot right now also...

  Funny thing is one of the "brothers" from her congregation called after she found out she wasn't coming up. He wanted to know how hubby was. He also wanted to express his concern that only one witness had called on hubby since Sept. He is going to get in touch with the elders here. He said in his congregation they would be over here all the time!....

  Isn't it amazing how they try to say that ..all congregations are the same?.....

  Course I already knew better...They are a little late for hubby! He really would have appeciated it more before. Now he can't even focus on anything. They neglected to give food at the proper time for a "Brother" in need!...

  Snoozy.....

  Edited by - Golden Girl on 26 January 2003 2:44:26
• 

  czarofmischief

  A congregation is supposed to be a social safety net - providing support when the bottom falls out of our lives. This religion fails, and does so spectacularly, because it claims to be divinely perfected - and yet these kinds of situations keep coming up. Stay strong, Snoozy, the Lord is with you.

  I'm beginning to think that religion and God are as far apart as politics and God.

  I am firmly convinced, in my own heart, that God is Love, and if we call upon him, he will make everything all right - in the long run. Death is not the end, merely the culmination of a transition that began at birth.

  May you have peace, even amidst your sorrow.

  CZAR
• 

  LyinEyes

  ((((((((((((( Snoozy and hubby)))))))))))))))))) may the God above us, comfort us in times like this. I am sure Snoozy your hubby is feeling something ,,,,,,,,I wonder if God helps us who are stilll going to be on this earth awhile,,,,,,,, but I have this feeling for those who are really sick,,,,,,,,,he does give them peace. I just know it. Do what you have to do Snoozy and you will be strong,,,,,,,,,,I don't know if you even know how so many are broken hearted tonite about what you and your precious husband are going thru,,,,,,, but we all do try to put ourselves in your shoes, even for just a fraction of what the reality must be,,,,,,,,,,,we can feel some pain for you and wish so much to take it from you,,,,,,, it is hard to feel so helpless. Tonite , I felt some pain, some fear,,,,,, about someone I love dearly and I was so afraid,,,,,,,, it could have been life and death,,,,,, and it tore my heart out . I just wish I could hold you , comfort you , and let you know you are not alone, even thou only you can feel the magnitude of the pain,,,,,,,,,how I wish you didnt have to bear it alone.

  I have to believe in my heart that when the so called "brothers" fail,,,,,,,, that those of good heart like your husband,,,,,,,, have Jesus already comforting them. I believe this is a blessing , because if left to the Jw's , they would deny the comfort that Jesus gave . Just read him scripture of Psalms and he will sleep tight,,,,,,, there are no pressures in the words of Psalms to me, at least,,,,,,, only supplements of a human heart. How could Jesus not hear those words. Read it aloud to your hubby even if you think he is asleep,,,,,,,,, I think he will hear it and sleep well.

  Oh,,,,,,,, Snoozy.......... hugs,,,,,,, and my heart felt thoughts are with you, I hope I havent said anything out of line,,,,,,, I just want to believe in the hope that I was raised on,,,,,,, JW or not, I want to believe in Jesus and what ever comfort there is to give,,,,,,,,, if it were me,,,,,,, Jesus would be the only one to give it to me.
• 

  LyinEyes

  Snoozy , just one more thing that will not leave my thoughts,,,,,,,, I have a suggestion because i watched my hubby's granddaddy die in peace at home with the help of hospice. When you know you hubby is sleeping peacefully and in no pain,,,,,,,,, try to arrange for a counselor, pastor or anyone that hospice can send out for YOU. Your hubby doesnt even need to know you are talking to someone, just call them say you need some comfort so you can help your husband , but you need to talk to someone. When they get there, don't worry about religion, I swear they don't care, they just want to comfort you ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,please let them,,,,,,,, you don't have to go all into the JW bullcrap , I am sure they have heard it all anyway,,,,,,,, just open your heart, your fear, your sorrow, your feelings of just being tired, as I sure you are. Cry on their shoulders, just let someone hold you for a few minutes,,,,, and cry , Snoozy, it's alright to let yourself fall apart , for just a little while, it will strenghten you and help you to make it another day. Sometimes, we forget that a tender compassinate look in some strangers eyes,,,,,,, can mean the world to us. The feeling of having someone hold you close and want to so badly take some of your pain away, will help.

  Darn ,,,,,,, I don't know what to say,,,,,,,, I wish I could do more. Since I am over this internet and not face to face with you, I feel I have to say things in this way,,,,,,,,,, to the point, ,,, it'sok to lean on someone for just a little while until you feel your strenght renewed. I think we have alot of power to give each other, and it means alot to be able to give this support to others as it is to receive it when we need it.
• 

  Golden Girl

  LyinEyes...Thank you so much for your wonderful words of comfort...I will read to him from Psalms tonight!..I still have to read the daily text to him..Thank you for suggesting it!...

  I also have the Hospice pastor calling me to come out some time next week. I am just afraid to "Let myself go " right now..

  Your words have really comforted me!..Thank you...

  Snoozy......
• 

  Scully

  ((((((((( Snoozy and Hubby )))))))))))

  Snoozy, I thought you'd enjoy this DOOZY from the elders' manual, "Pay Attention to Yourselves and to All the Flock" (pages 20-22).... for the next time the congregation begs off from paying shepherding calls to your husband (italics and underline mine):

  The aged and the sickly often need special attention. ( w87 6/1 pp. 10-12)

  These may need assistance in practical ways.

  They may need someone to cook for them, wash and iron their clothes, clean their homes, run errands.

  They often need encouragement and reassurance that the elders cane about them and are interested in them. (1 Thess. 5:14)

  They may need someone to help them get to the meetings, read to them, or in other ways help them to stay spiritually strong.

  Consider ways that you can provide such practical assistance.

  Other brothers and sisters can help you carry the load.

  Invite them to volunteer.

  Make definite arrangements as to how they can help.

  It is important to check periodically to see that someone is following through on arrangements made to give assistance.

  Your being alert to such needs and providing the appropriate assistance will mark you as a loving overseer.

  You may be sure that this is well pleasing to Jehovah. (Heb. 13:1, 16)

  Individuals with medical problems who are facing the blood issue need special assistance.

  Even before they enter the hospital, some may need help in making sure that medical and legal papers are fitting and that the necessary medical personnel have been spoken to in order to avoid a transfusion (g91 3/8 pp 3-8; km 11/90 pp 3.-6 )

  Visit the patient in the hospital.

  Pray with, strengthen, and comfort the patient, also relatives, such as the parents of a sick child. (Jas. 5:13 )

  If the patient is faced with the blood issue, elders can do much to keep the situation calm and to reason with doctors and unbelieving relatives.

  On rare occasions a situation requires a 24-hour watch.

  The Hospital Liaison Committee should be called only when the patient needs a cooperative doctor, when a confrontation develops, or when a threat to force blood on the patient is unresolved.

  All elders should have a copy of the list showing names and telephone numbers of committee members. Keep it in an accessible file with appropriate references, such as "Questions From Readers" in The Watchtower, June 1, 1990, pages 30-1, and March 1, 1989, pages 30-1; the brochure How Can Blood Save Your Life?; the booklet Jehovah's Witnesses and the Question of Blood; and Our Kingdom Ministry, November 1990, pages 3-6.

  Committee members can help by:

  Finding cooperative doctors, hospitals, and so forth.

  Reasoning with physicians on alternatives to blood.

  Discretion should be used in determining what, if any, assistance might be given on a humanitarian(WTF??? As IF!!) basis to those not having a good standing in the congregation.

  For example, if a disfellowshipped one takes a firm stand on the blood issue, local elders or the Hospital Liaison Committee could share information with the family out of consideration for those faithful ones.

  In major cities some elders are especially assigned as members of Patient Visitation Groups to visit hospitals regularly to assist Witness patients.

  This arrangement does not relieve local elders of their responsibility to visit the sick at home and in the hospital.

  Even when the elders have BEEN TOLD by the WTS..... they do not listen.... or display even ordinary human compassion.

  Love, Scully
• 

  Golden Girl

  Thank you Scully!I wrote it down and also copied it.

  Well the "Brother" that came out a week ago Tuesday said .. and promised... he would be coming once a week!.Today is Friday. Its been a week and 3 days!... We haven't heard from him since!..He has 2 days left this week!

  He has a surprise coming when he shows up!...Hubby is really out of it. I am going to tell him to forget it!..It isn't worth it. A least we got one visit out of them. It only took 4 months from their last visit!. It breaks my heart that hubby waited and waited for them..only to not have anyone show!.

  The way he is right now...I'm surprised he knows me still....I guess I am going to have to break down and order the hospital bed. For his own safety...

  I got the literature from the cremation society today..had a hard time reading it!.You have to pre-register...then at the end..you just call hosice and they take care of everything...

  Funny thing is..I just checked him..he got his socks off somehow!..I still can't figure it out !! Then I asked him if he could take his 2 pills..he said..no I don't want any soup!..

  It's gonna be a long road!!!!! Poor Honey! Nobody deserves to be sick!

  Snoozy....
• 

  copsec

  Snoozy, I am sorry sorry for what you are going through with your hubby and those damn JW's!!!!.. Bless you!