Passive shunning?

Valis

Quite a few posts of late have mentioned shunning and I was pondering my own case. I've come to think of it more like passive shunning if anything. I can call them, but they rarely if ever call me. The most glaring example of shunning might be the fact that they found out about my activities (Guess I shouldn't have put my name and return address on the last big mail out huh?) and decided not to come to my house for dinner on Thanksgiving day. Oh well... They have no problem seeing my kids whenever possible, but I really think they have little interest in seeing me. Anyway, I'm curious to know your thought on whether or not the idea of "passive shunning" is valid, or maybe its just a terrible relationship between child and parent.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

liquidsky

I am not df'd or da'd, just "inactive" but my situation is similar. My family does not make the effort to call me or visit. My two eldest sister will not let me spend time with my nieces and nephews. I do call them and visit them every few months, and they don't seem to mind, but they really do try to keep thier distance from me and my husband.

Edited by - liquidsky on 17 January 2003 12:25:39

Simon

Yes, we are passively shunned by some of our family: they never call round to see us and we are never invited to any family gatherings. If we bump into them when we are out or make the effort to go see them so they can have some contact with our kids for instance then it is very uncomfortable and we've decided not to bother anymore.

scootergirl

In my family.....it isn't "passive shunning" just plain old shunning. But that is okay.....I have learned not to beg for love and attention and I teach my children the same. You don't like me.......my feelings are "oh well".....I got better things to do in my life than worry about people liking me.....

ugg

yeah,,,i think there is passive shunning....for those who are not "hard" core,,,,but still feel the need to "watch" themselves....(ugg...running for the toilet so she can puke class)

Scully

Valis:

What you describe as "passive shunning" is exactly what my family does to me. Visits have to be initiated by me. Phone calls are initiated by me. But having initiated the contact, they are quite civil and are not overtly mean or rabidly trying to re-convert me. I suppose it allows their conscience the luxury of believing they are shunning me and following the mandates of the WTS, while at the same time they aren't doing anything that's obviously hurtful, rude or unchristian.

For the time being at least. The fecal matter has yet to make contact with the oscillating device. LOL That will likely happen on January 29 after 9pm, EST.

Love, Scully

Big Tex

The fecal matter has yet to make contact with the oscillating device

No bovine excrement!

I'm probably not the best person to respond to this thread, because I shunned my family not my family shunned me. I haven't spoken to them in over 10 years. They keep track of what I do (6 years after my son Jackson was born my sister named her son the same name so that my father would have a "legitimate" grandson") and I don't give a damn what's going on with them. I've told my JW friends many times to quit telling me what's happening with my family. I don't want to know.

Having said that, I have experienced this with some JW "friends". My children used to be good friends with another family. But they just don't call. We are always the initiating the get togethers. Finally one day I told my wife to quit. I just don't believe in chasing windmills. I would rather my children play with the worldly "bad association" kids in the neighborhood and school than the holier than thou JW kids.

My attitude is I'm not chasing after anyone anymore. If a friend doesn't want to be friendly, then be on your way. I've got no time or interest being the better friend in the relationship.

Prisca

I have noticed that my sister doesn't call me as often as she used to - it's usually me who calls her, she rarely calls me unless there's a reason. There are other relatives whom I used to see, that I haven't heard from for ages too.

But then, I don't initiate contact with them either. I feel, why bother, since all they'll be interested in is bringing me back to "the Truth" or talking about their JW activities.

So I guess it can go both ways

Valis

Thanks for your comments everyone. I guess I should be thankful my parents are JWsand that they feel the need to proselytize my kids....if we had even a somewhat normal family realtionship, I most probably would have never met any of you....

Prisca...you are right about it going both ways. Its just a shame it has to be that way....

Sincerely,

District Overbeer of the "Parental Ambivalence" class

cruzanheart

I think that passive shunning (great term, Valis!) is a way for your parents to feel like they're doing right on both ends. As Witnesses, they can feel like they're following the rules by not initiating contact with you, but as parents they can soothe their parental consciences by associating with you when you initiate it. If they are good parents, they aren't feeling just great about this, but they are not willing to take a stand. It's their loss, and fortunately for your beautiful daughters, it's not a mistake that you have made. Sometimes the best we can hope for is to do better for the next generation.

Love,

Nina

Passive shunning?

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