Interesting thread Val.
In my family, shunning styles vary alot. It probably has alot to do with their own conscience and what they feel is acceptable to the society. The gray area is a beautiful thing, ya know?
Many in my family are passive. It may be because I was never baptized and they arent required to shun me though. I contact them here and there, and they occasionally call me etc. slight distance is kept and religion is almost never mentioned. I can tell they are waiting to bring it up at the slightest opportunity but I dont usually open any doors. They will spend time with us on occasion and want to visit with my son and daughter, but this scares me because they have been known to bring up religion, when they are alone with them.
The others, who are stronger in the religion, pretty much totally avoid me because I disagree with them openly when they get preachy. I guess Im considered bad association. They will usually only send us a card if it includes an invitation to the memorial, or the latest Watchtower article etc. They will acknowledge my kids but have made comments that they shouldnt bother since they will be distroyed in Armageddon anyway. My aunt, who is a missionary, recently sent my kids a JW video with no letter or card enclosed. I have tossed it in the trash and will send her a polite thank you, letting her know we appreciate her thinking of us.
It is sad, but I guess its just the way it is, ya know?