I WAN'T TO COME BACK TO THE TRUTH.....!

by rich_1961 72 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Sargon

  Unless you hear "Christ, I forgot my bookbag"
• 

  BeelzeDub

  Rich, If you are for real, get to NA/AA meetings. You said that you have been to hudreds in ten years and they didn't help. Maybe that wasn't enough. I live in a city of only 50,000 and there are NA/AA meetings every night of the week because some people need to go every day.

  When was the last time you went to a NA/AA meeting?

  You said you came here for enourangement and support for your problem and that is exactly what you get at NA/AA meetings, but from folks who have/are in your same shoes not a group who will look at your problem as no more than a sin that you want to do.

  Did you come here for encouraagement and suppport or sympathy? Yeah, you will get sympathy at the kingdom hall for period of time, but back slide a few times and this loving organization will judge you a sinner and throw you out.

  What ever you decided, I wish you the best on your recovery.

  BD
• 

  ESTEE

  Richard, you came to the right place by asking us for help, otherwise you would have gone to the elders with this appeal. Yes, we hear your cry for help, right here on this forum. . .You are safe here to talk about yourself. You will not be judged as unworthy here. . .No one here will call you demonic. You will feel supported and nurtured here.

  satan has taked over my life completly.

  Richard, Satan has not taken over your life. . . That is a jw-ism that you have internalized. That is your own belief system about yourself, turning against you. I'm wondering if the voices inside of yourself are finally believing what you have been told for sooooo many years? That used to be my experience, and it took many years of therapy to start believing healthy things about myself, rather than negative, self-destructive beliefs.

  It took me a long time to realize that what my parents taught me . . . was not going to work for me in my life. They did not mean for this to happen, it is merely the way it is. No big deal. So, I needed to ask myself, Okay, if the jw way does not work for me, what WILL work?"

  To find the answer, it was necessary for me to tear out the old before I was able to rebuild. It would be unreasonable to build a new house in the same spot where an existing house stood, was how I saw the situation. For me, this began happening around the time of my divorce, six years ago. First, I left the marriage, then I left the religion. . .

  The elders finally caught up with me and I was disfellowshipped. I am not an evil person, Richard. I merely would not live by the jw rules of conduct any longer. I realized it was healthy for me to direct my own life, rather than having a body of elders or some organization dictate to me how I should live my life. (italics added because I have personally removed that word from my vocabulary.)

  and ive had enough.i want to turn my life around and ask jehovah to come back into my heart.i have a very serious drug and alcohol problem.and do not want to live my life like this anymore.i know my life will get better if i let jehovah back in.

  I hear you. . . that you have had enough. And I understand that you have had enough of the kind of unhealthy life that you do not desire for yourself. That is valid. I hear you saying that your life is out of control. I believe your life is out of control, for the moment. Do you believe that living as a drug addict and alcoholic is a healthy way to live? Is that what you choose for yourself? Up till now you have chosen drugs and alcohol. . .and you have the ability within yourself to turn that around. You get to choose that, Richard. You may wish to tell your family doctor what you told us here on the forum. Or show him your post. He will be able to direct you somewhere for the kind of help that you will need to help you turn your life around.

  Stop now and picture the life that you want for yourself. Is it living as a jw, cleaning up your life by going in service, underlining watchtowers and living for some unknown future date when God will fix everything in your life, yet somehow you are still feeling unworthy of everlasting life?. . .or do you dare to dream about cleaning up your life by getting off drugs and alcohol, finding a job that you feel good about and that will support what you believe about yourself, namely that you are a worthy person who deserves to feel happy right now in this life. Maybe finding yourself a mate who will think as you do and love you and want to be with you, maybe you want children. . .I don't know. . .You may want to dare to dream about what you would choose for your reality. . .then create the reality. You have it inside yourself to create this reality for yourself. I believe we all do!!!

  im just scarred right now.i sill have a little deamon that keeps telling me not to do this.BUT I REALLY WANT TO.

  Yes, Richard, I hear that you are feeling scared right now. No, it is not a little demon that keeps telling you not to go back to the jws. It is your own common sense. Yes, you do have common sense. Perhaps you are feeling scared now because you really want to try something different than what you were taught. What you were taught was a scary, high-control religion based on fear. And it is not working for you. Now you get to choose what you really want for yourself and your life, and find a way to achieve it. . .ALL!!! And you may choose to not set limitations for yourself. Dare to live your dream!!!! Choose to make it happen!!!!! You are courageous!! You are a survivor!!!! You got this far, and right now it is very scary. Because now you are on your own, rather than in an organization where other people make your choices for you. And you are in a position where you may choose healthy choices for yourself and your life.

  1. Get yourself a pen and paper and write down the futre that you choose for yourself.
  2. Write what kind of a job you want.
  3. Write about what kind of a mate you would choose for yourself. Describe this person by their qualities and also their physical appearance.
  4. Write about what kind of a vehicle you would choose for yourself.
  5. Write about what kind of a home you would choose for yourself
  6. Or if you want to go back to school and further your education, write about that. . .
  7. And sooooo much more!!!

  There is a whole big world out there of wonderful opportunities!!!! Believe in yourself!!!!!!

  Keep us posted, Richard?

  Your sister,

  ESTEE