by Far North 21 Replies latest jw friends
Farnorth, you have a lot of good comments and suggestion to consider. My suggestion is, give yourself the time to heal, let time be your friend. Learn to be your own person. As Estee put it, '...stop and look at the scenery along the way now."
Guest 77
Thanks for the words of encouragement and advice.
It looks like my journey has begun.....
I'll stay in touch.
you are not alone.....welcome and find comfort here....i wish you the best
Far North,
Welcome to the board! I think you will find so many others you can relate to hear on these pages! Perhaps you'll have the privilege of meeting some in person, like I have. It's been a wonderful place for me to heal and find comfort. I hope you look at this place the same way.
I would like to comment on your comments regarding your views of Jehovah. I left when I was 19 by being DFed. I had had it with the hypocrisy and the double-standards of the JW lifestyle. I honestly felt that when I was DFed that I had no hope. I had committed too many sins for God to forgive me for.
I knew according to the bible that Jehovah was a just God. But the JWs taught me to fear punishment for every mistake I made. Jehovah was in heaven making little checkmarks in The Book, keeping track of every little thing I did, right??? I felt I would have to work twice as hard to overcome my sins compared to the others in the congregation. I have learned something in the past few years that I never knew before. The JWs were painting a picture of a God that wasn't correct!!! Yes, Jehovah is just and exacting. But He is also kind, loving, and full of mercy. I never really learned that at the Kingdom Hall. The elders don't tell you how loving and just the Bible says God is, because then everyone would question their authority! How can they lord over our heads a powerfully angry God that will punish us, if we don't follow their every little rule??? They can't.
How would you like it if someone said you were a jerk and angry and hateful and wanted to kill everyone on the planet? I'm assuming you wouldn't really like that. I know I wouldn't. Not just because it's not nice, but because it's not true! Just imagine how much more so God doesn't like it.
I think your therapy sessions will be invaluable to you. I've been off and on for the last 12 years and they have been The Reason I am alive and pretty healthy today. But I'd like you to keep an open mind about God. Maybe the perspective the JWs gave you isn't correct. Is there a possibility they were wrong in their portrayal? Just something to think about.
Hope you stick around the board. You can email me anytime you want to talk!
Hello Far North.
I was born in to the jw's org. I lost faith in them in my 43rd year. I was df'd in my 54th year.
You have already read a number of good posts and advice here. The only thing I may add to this is.
That I made a concerted effort to seek out evidence to use to destroy any vestige of the jw beliefs still lingering in my mind. I did not concentrate on the beliefs such as trinity, soul, hell, resurection and the like. My reasoning was that they were too time consuming and required more study than I was ready for.
I read Ray Franz book "crisis of conscience" and found it a great hlp. Then I also focused on the rules, such as blood, organ transplants, choice of community service verses prison on the military issue. The scream or no scream demands of rape victims and how all these things changed. Sometimes back and forth. I used the thought, "if it was not a sin now it was never a sin" and the wbts bears the weight of responsibility for those injured or killed due to these nonsense requirements. This helped me to destroy any thoughts that the wbts is Jehovahs channel here on earth and to destroy the feeling that they are in control and all knowing. It enabled me to see that they were not only just men, like me and you, but that they were damaging people. They were enforcing nonsense rules on people and claiming this all came from God.
Doing this helped me to get rid of the "I am worthless" thought that Is placed in ones mind by a cult. None of these things were solved overnight, but in 3 or 4 years I began to feel considerably better and the depression and confusion lifted. It is about 11 years now and I do not have any worrysome depressing thoughts springing up in my mind of the sort described.
There are still disapointing situations from time to time with some of my family that shun me but none of the debilitating thoughts and feelings I at one time experienced.
I highly recommend seeing the right counselor. The only way I know to find the right one is to try them out and see if they help and understand.
I know that it will gradually get better and better for you and your loved ones that leave the jw org. It does take time. But all good things are worth waiting and working for. It will take some work.
This is a very good forum to start out on and then there are many many more. You will be amazed at all the well thought out and documented information you can find here and in some of the links at the bottom of this post.
Outoftheorg
Hi Far North. You must be from frigid Canada like me. I have to agree with others here.
Im a 3 rd generation Dub, was in the high-mind-control cult for 40+ years, pioneered, eldered etc.. I felt much like you and understand where you are coming from. Read C of C. Then ask yourself who taught you and made you believe that:
YOU have no hope for salvation
YOU will never make the grade
YOU can never do enough to be "whole-souled".
Everything YOU have done in the past is negated.
That YOU are presently in a spiritually "sick" condition
Jehovah is an exacting God who has no problem destroying the majority of mankind.
So what chance do YOU have?
YOU still don't think YOU have any chance to be one of the "spared ones
the answer is the Watchtower does the Watchtower faithfully represent God or the Bible? Youll shake your head in disbelief as you read how this group of men, who seemingly don't have any more insight into scripture than the average day-to-day busy J.W., claim to understand every verse of Bible prophecy and doctrine. Unfortunately their personal view's and understanding's end up deciding other people's beliefs, hopes and lives. We, as J.W's, taught people studying with us to make sure of all things, to do research, and to leave behind false teachings. It is sad to say that we never personally examined our own religious history and organization. It was presented as unnecessary...and was actually forbidden. So w e took for granted that what we were being told by our parents and by our religious leaders was the truth of God. Is that really so extraordinary? Most of mankind live and die professing the same religion. I consider myself lucky that I finally woke up and chalked J.W.s up on the board with all the other Babylon-the-Greaters. Better late than never!
Such good replies! And welcome to Like Minds, Far North.
I was in the org. for 30 yrs, raised a Catholic. After about 25 yrs in org, I entered therapy for other issues - but was amazed at how many sessions kept coming around to the org. & elders....and anger & frustration.
My husband & I've been out for about 5 yrs now - still learning the truth about The Truth and just reading, thinking, reading, thinking. This place helps a lot - give me like minds to chat, argue, discuss, and make friends.
Hope to see you again.
waiting
Far North:
I was very touched by your post. You seem to be such an ernest and sincere one searching for the truth of what happened. The thing is, friend, you are just human and you made the mistake of being duped by fellow humans. Lots of people make that mistake. Every day people are duped by religions, scam artists, corporations. It's the human condition. Everyone makes mistakes to learn from them. Go easy on yourself, buddy! Perfection is abusive to the human soul!
You didn't "miss" anything that we didn't! Each person has his/her own time to open their eyes, and yours was just later coming. You're not stupid or worthless... you are an imperfect human whose eyes were covered over until it was time to see the light! There's nothing mystical about that. Each individual will see the dupe when they are ready to accept it. The human mind is wonderfully equipped for only dishing out what the physical body can handle!
The prodigal son was a wonderful story for your therapist to relay to you. If you have children, you know that you love them no matter what they do (if unconditional love is the basis for the story). There is nothing that you have to do for God to love you, despite the JW mindset of "works=proof of love of God". We are so mired in the thought that we have to "do" something for God to love us, and this is completely untrue. <People.. this is my humble opinion.> He sent his son, in all his pain and suffering, to make for us the New Covenant which exempted us from LAWS... simply saying that you accept him as your Savior will suffice. The more you come to know and love the real Jesus, the more you will want to walk in his ways. At least that is my personal experience. He was such a phenomenal person. He accepts you as you are. In all your imperfect glory.
Whether you choose that path, or whether you choose another, my thoughts and prayers are with you. You seem to have a sincere and questioning heart, and that is all that God asks. Jesus accepted the sick, the poor, the outcasts of society... as long as they quested for Truth.
CG
Hi Far North,
For many who have not yet "deprogrammed" themselves, even after years of being out of a high-control group, a therapist is good but they really need to be aware of the time bombs that are planted in the mind, such as fear of Armageddon, dying, etc. I highly recommend reading one of Steven Hassan's books (www.freedomofmind.com) or attending a seminar. We are having one in March in Los Angeles.
In addition, there are some good files up at: http://www.freeminds.org/psych/psych.htm
Wishing you the best,
Randy Watters
Net Soup!
When I first started to have doubts about the WT that is not true somebody told me that I will face many emotional distress regarding my decision to brake away from the chains of the WT cult. I thought that he was telling me nonsence.
But he was right. Although been connvised that the WT theology system it has nothing to do with Christianity, still after 4 years regularly I suffer from deepression, and self confidence. And from time to time I have panic attacts.
I know that WT is a false prophet, that their leadership are a bunch of arrogants who they are thursty of power over peoples lives. I know that God is not a Criminal to kill 99% of the human race because they didn't "listen" to the message of the Witnesses. A message that apparently they have change it 4 times since this cult started back in 1880's. I have found the Jesus the God of Love and Compassion and I know that he will give to all mankind the opportunity to see He's works.
But still I suffer from all this symptoms symply because I was raised in a high control group.
One ex-Witness in my country he said this wise words:
It is very easy to leave the WT. The hard thing it is the WT to leave your head
