I don't want to go back because the people I thought I loved, the fellow brothers and sisters , didnt seem to care when I was having problems, and I wondered where the "love" was in the organization
Sadly this is typical and very common... and most of us here have experienced the SAME THING... even when we haven't been formally DFed or DA.
So, feel free to share with us your experiences (like you have done today), research, read... it's all a process and it takes time because like you said that is ALL you know... but I promise we'll be here to help you and support you along the way.
A warm welcome to you... you have taken the first step to recovery.
You did the right thing by getting out. Emotionally, even if you don't have a specific problem emotionally (depression), the WT is a bad place to be. Take easy steps, and don't blame yourself for the terrible way others treat you. Just enjoy your life and get a good education, and find a good job.
For those who do not have special connections, what they did to you is often their quick and easy solution to a problem. It's easier to df someone than to spend time regularly. It's like cutting off a persons hand when they get a sliver. Jesus, on the other hand, stuck up and saved the lives of people who were supposed to be stoned (the jewish way of disfellowshipping). Strange, eh?
I'm sorry that you were treated so shabbily by the congregation. But if you read enough posts here, you will discover that the majority of people here who went to the brothers asking for help, got the shaft instead. They are nothing but modern-day Pharisees. They really have done you a favor.
You sound like you're sitting on the fence, wondering what to do before you go back. Ack.
Promise me, promise yourself, that before you do anything else, you will read Ray Franz' book "Crises of Conscience." You can get it from Amazon.com. If you read that carefully, you will loose any interest in going back. You are also likely to loose your lunch.
It's good to have you as a new member of our little group and I hope you will find friends here - in fact I KNOW you'll find friends here. And we won't boot you out for not being just like us, either.
Welcome to this site. You have made a very important first step in finding real help. Something to consider about "going back"; do you know that many battered women feel the need to "go back" or stay with their abuser? Why is that? Do some research and you'll see that there are many similarities with the "Organization".
Welcome daddysgirl. I too was once in your place. I was df'd and my boyfriend was just publicly reproved. I remember the meetings with the elders very vividly, all they wanted to know was the details, how many times, where? A bunch of perverts if you ask me. I felt so cut off. Anyway I did get reinstated eventually, my boyfriend was still there. We picked up where we left off, got married, have three children, and found out we no longer could accept the jw teachings and walked away in 1995.
We know how you feel, and you have come to the right place to find answers and comfort.
Welcome daddysgirl, even under these difficult circumstances.
Do not allow a bunch of window washers and toilet cleaners who think they suddenly become Mr SuperSpiritual when they put on a suit make you feel guilty.
Who are they to judge you?
As others have said, use this opportunity to find out what the JW religion is all about and NEVER LOOK BACK.
Welcome to the Club! Here you'll find lots of people that have been in exactly your situation. The elders are "whitewashed graves on the outside, but inside, they are full of dead mens bones." The Organization runs just like a retail store: the only thing that matters is profit and increases. They don't give a damn about their staff.
Here you'll find lots of support cause we've all been through it.
You are growing up and realizing that things aren't always as they seem.
Follow your gut. It is telling you that something isn't right with the JW's. Do some research on the organization. What you will find out will prove your gut is right.
