I miss being a JW (page 5)

Valis

joel do you really think they would welcome you back with open arms? What about the inevitable Judicial Committee that would no doubt bring up parts of your life that they find unscriptual and clearly sinful?...Are you ready to apologize for being who you are? Are you ready to stop being gay? Or did you plan to lie about that part? How could you even consider going back into the closet for that? Real family and real friends wouldn't care who you were or what your sexual preference is..it that the kind of situation you would be going back to? I'm not trying to be offensive or ugly with you, I just think its important to identify what is your real problem, whether its loneliness, your own lack of social maturation that has hindered you making new friends, depression, or a combo of all those things...Take care no matter what you do and try to be good to yourself.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

joelbear

First, I appreciate the amount of time, thought and energy that people put into their responses to all my posts, not just this one.

I am no longer suicidal, thanks to continued doctor's visits and the caring support of my partner Mitch, wow, 14 years next month. It still takes one or two pills a day to keep me calm and going. But, its not that.

I have this emptiness that has appeared inside of me. I talked to Mitch about it yesterday. I've talked with some of my other friends about it. I can't really completely explain it. I feel like I am lost. My friends have all drifted away from me over the past year since I lost my job. I think, not because I don't have the income I did before, but something has been sucked out of me. I have, indeed, lost my way.

I realize that one reaction one can have to being lost is to retry paths that one knows. I did not have the Jehovah's Witness experience that many of you speak of. I cannot go by any experience other than my own. I never felt lonely or hopeless as a Jehovah's Witness with the exception of my last few days at Bethel.

I'm tired of feeling lost. I keep reaching out to friends who seem to slip through my fingers. Friends who I thought would be there forever, but whose "unconditional" love has proven to be a far cry from what I had anticipated. Mitch has stuck by me 100%, that I cannot deny.

I have committed myself to no path. I simply have stated a truth. I miss hope. I miss the family togetherness. I miss feeling like there was a safety net under me to catch me and help me heal from whatever hurtfulness came my way.

mouthy

Joelbear .I believe you live about 1 hour away. Why not come visit? I will show you hundreds & hundreds of cassets of folks who have left the Borg. Lot of folks come visit- You know where I live- St Jacobs---- Come for any meal lunch !Supper ! If I know when your coming I will gather a few Ex so you can make friends. Otherwise Go back to the Borg. If you need friends - & you dont mind the teaching of lies... But what is you belief now in a God? Maybe thats your problem your confused...

I think you know Jamie.... ????/ If you want to talk.... Call me or e-mail me my e-mail is open.. You know I am a Granny- sometimes the Oldies can share what the youngies cant....Buck up love.

WildHorses

(((((((((((((((Mouthy)))))))))))) You are always such a sweetie. You offer nothing but kindness from what i've seen in your post. I really like you alot!.

(((((((((((Joel))))))))))) I wish we lived closer to one another. I would be that friend you need. The one who will stick by you, no matter what.

WH

mouthy

Thank-you Wildhorses I needed that hug.... I really think old age has got me...I made a mistake I now see where Joelbear is in the States I thought he was in Toronto. I am really not kidding about losing it.... I keep forgetting what I am doing DAH!!!! If you dont hear from me from a long time----I guess I.m dead lol

But one thing I liked about the priest & Taxi driver joke WAS!!! I might get that mansion after all. Cos I know everyone prays when I drive...

teejay

Get over yourself, J. You're no better than anyone else and arounde here, your games have gotten old.

Besides that, you stink. Remember?

ikhandi

I know exactly how you feel. I have been away from jehovahs organization for almost 4 years. I just recently attended the circuit assembly(my first real metting since my disfellowshipping) and realized how much I missed going to those. I plan on going to the meetings again as a start to coming back to Jehovah. You are not crazy to have those feelings. Its your decision. If you feel so strongly give it another chance. You owe at least that much to yourself. Don't be unduly influenced by others not to afterall its your life literally.

blacksheep

If you miss it so much, then go back. Go back to attending the 5 meetings and week and 3 hours (or so) of service. Go back to the circuit and district assembliles. GO BACK. Why hang our here??? This ins't where you need to be. Not sure why you're even here.

RAYZORBLADE

Joel, thanks for letting us in on what's going through your mind at present.

First off, if one person (1) loves you unconditionally: you're doing pretty good buddy.

Secondly: be glad Mitch is sticking by you.

Thirdly: (on a downer ) the WTBTS would never sanction your relationship with your partner. That's for sure.

Fourthly: it appears you are feeling a bit low these days. We can feel so vulnerable at these times. It shall come to pass. If you are taking something to help you out, good. If you are receiving counselling or are considering it, I recommend it. After being in the Borg, I needed it too and it helped me immensely.

Last, I'm glad you shared it, and I'm glad that you took the time to read many of the posts on here. You replied, and perhaps some of the posts, suggestions, hugs and humour has helped. I sure hope so.

This is a safe space, come here when you need some grounding or reassurance.

The responses I've seen overall, have been so warm. People do care, even if they have never met you. Unconditional? Absolutely .

RandomTask

The safety net is a hologram, don't jump

I miss being a JW

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