Elderly and sick: Out of sight, out of mind

Captain Schmideo2

Someone else posted something a similar experience, this is one I had regarding my mom.
My mom died last year. She had been in failing health for years, but the last 2 year were pretty rough for her, with lots of visits to the hospital. The last 4 months, it was the hospital, a skilled nursing facility/rehab unit, and finally, a nursing home. She was home-bound for years, with her only trips out being doctor visits. I was the one who had to drive her to those appointments. It took all her energy to do these short trips, and she could not go anywhere without oxygen, so going to the hall would have been a production that she would not be able to physically do. Her interaction with the hall, such as it was, was on Zoom.

She was so dediicated to that rotten religion, but they let her down in the end. When she was in the hospital in her final weeks, and I made it known through the grapevine of people I keep in touch with at her hall that she was sick, no one came to visit her, except for a couple of Witnesses who did not know her personally, but were there as part of their "hospital rounds".
When she was sick at home, she never got calls from her so-called friends, checking on her welfare. She got one of those generic "letters of encouragement" from one of her contemporaries around memorial time a couple of years back, and she was so desperate for contact, she actually believed that they were really concerned and wanting to re-establish a friendship, but it was pretty apparent to me by the reactions she got when she called this "friend" that there wasn't going to be a lot of hanging out together.

So, she died. The remembrance service was at the funeral home that she had prepaid years in advance, so I didn't have to go through the awkwardness of trying to get a Kingdom Hall service (in fact, if it had been up to just me, I wouldn't have bothered with having a JW funeral at all. But, I had to keep my JW sister happy, so...) At ther funeral, NOW all of her contemporaries show up. "Why, I didn't even *know* she was sick!", etc. etc. Yeah, you didn't know, because when was the last effing time you reached out to her? I wanted to kick some people in kneecaps, I was so disgusted with them. They won't show up when you are alive, but they show up to put on the big pretense of concern at the funeral service.
Anyway, I am sure my story is not unique. Once a member of the hall stops showing up due to serious illness, unless they are part of some huge clan (we are not a huge clan in my family), then they are going to be forgotten.

After that rotten show, we had a graveside service for just family members only. I felt much more satisfied with that experience, because we could talk about her life, and our personal remembrances, and it felt more loving and "Christian" with her "worldly" family that it did with that other bunch.

Anyway, thanks for reading.

Bribie

Such is life! I do think of the verse in Job 14:1 “ Man,born of woman, is short-lived and filled with trouble. So many of us have experienced similar outcomes in our short lives.

So sorry to hear of your loss, it’s such an empty lonely feeling to lose our dear loved ones. Somehow mothers are especially wonderful people. They loved and cared for us when we were young and it seemed they were always there until they are gone.

I lost my dearest mother a year ago today. She was the best and I miss her a lot, but I want to be there for her when she returns. Even those in the congregation sometimes don’t know what to say or do, I guess because we are all so busy and weighed down with every day concerns. Yes it is common to turn up at one’s funeral but not always keeping in touch on a more regular basis.

So looking forward to this evil system ending and finally getting on with the real life that Paul spoke of. Stay strong and all the best to you my friend wherever you are.

stan livedeath

when my old jw dad died--no jw's came to the funeral. But in all fairness i never told any of them ,

Mikejw

I wish the CO had some funds available from Borg or something. It’s all very well the CO telling the elders to organise rota’s and assign different ones to look after older ones. But are younger members of the congregation supposed to do this for free?

what happens in practice is that those older ones who have money pay younger ones £30 hour to come round and clean and look after them.

those who pioneered for years or for whatever reason have little money can’t pay for care. Who should pay for this?

the org has hundreds of millions to look after old bethelites but if not in bethel you are out in the cold literally

on a recent Bethel tour around Chelmsford the tour guide made a really big deal out of the precious older ones and how Jehovah values them, he makes sure they get the best care. This is only true of older ones in Bethel ones outside not so much

Foolednomore

When My Dad had cancer, No one came to see him. But at his in the Kingdumb Hall funeral, everyone was there. A great deal of my relatives are not JW's came. The funeral talks are usually 5 to 10 minutes about the dead, then it turns into a commercial for the Org. Many of my relatives got up went outside and smoked and talked about my Dad. One elder came out to round us back in. He even started with his sales pitch about the Org. We didn't move and told him he is delusional.

road to nowhere

I'm facing that situation in the near future. Being on ignore suits me but wife needs attention.

I had slim hopes the "total ministry" change would make a few visits, but no. The memorial services are given low priority so waiting a month or 2 us normal. Getting 10 minutes on the person is more than usual then the Sunday talk portion. The reception seems to be the draw because ALL witnesses crave a party.

A semi private remembrance is my plan.

FedUpJW

Once a member of the hall stops showing up due to serious illness, unless they are part of some huge clan (we are not a huge clan in my family), then they are going to be forgotten.

I've made a number of references here on this site to the way my parents were treated by JW's in their final years. The JW's are some of the most hypocritical pieces of s--t that exist when they yap about "love". As my father said shortly before he died, "Jehovah's Witnesses have "love" on their lips, but NONE in their hearts!

Realistically though that happens in all religions. My uncle and aunt, both staunch Southern Baptists, who are 96 and 92 respectively no longer have any members of their church who come by any more. As my uncle said, "They have forgotten us."

Foolednomore

It is amazing how they show up when you have money. They want some of it. Some where asking about who was managing the estate and who gets the house? I'm glad my dad saw eye to eye with me and keep things in the family. But every once in a while we get an elder snopping in on us and especially our mother since she benefits from the estate.

joe134cd

Im going to relate a couple of examples of after care given to elderly members,

1, A relative of mine, an orthodox JW for 75 years. Had a stroke, and was mentally incapacitated. To their credit some in the congregation - myself included - offered a couple hours during the day, so the family could sort the immediate affairs out. With in 7 days they found themselves in the back room, been told that the congregation isn't a charity. I couldn't believe it, after 75 years of loyal service.

Interestingly, the elder who gave this advice also found himself on the receiving end of it, when he to was dying. I had heard that during the last few years of his life he was feeling isolated at home and wanted visitors. I kind of did, but didnt, feel sorry for the guy because he had been in it for close to 100 years.

2. Another Orthodox JW relative. In rest home care for dementia. In passing, I happened to ask the nursing staff about the visitors she was getting. The reply I got was, "once dementia sets in, they are generally forgotten about." I'm guessing by that comment the JWs are no exception to the rule.

3. What amazes me, until very recently, how they will spend hours of their time and money knocking on empty doors. Yet do so little in the care and retention of their existing members. I've said this before on here, when i attended a sales course, and the point I come away with is this, "it takes x5 times the effort to gain a new customer than what it takes to keep an existing one happy." I certainly think Wt could learn from this.

HappyDad

I emphasize Captain S.

When my wife died from cancer in 1996, I could count on one hand how many JW's came to see her within a one year period, her last year at home when she could no longer go to the KH. Two of my neighbors, one a devout Catholic and the other a lovely born again Christian were at my house every day to help my wife with whatever female things that needed done. Then of course, her memorial service at the KH was the usual organization sales pitch.

Elderly and sick: Out of sight, out of mind

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