help please

Scooby

Hi all-

I just wanted to see if anyone out there could help with my situation. My husband and I are inactive witnesses very very recently. We separated as we are both very unhappy with our lives.

My husband was raised a JW and has gotten flack his whole life by elders. He gave up a full ride athletic scholarship for the truth and I can't even tell you the pain that has caused. He feels guilt for ANYTHING that he has in his life... materially etc. and we are both in counseling.

The elders did not let him become an elder because of his physical appearance. He does bodybuilding for a hobby and the brothers thought that could be a stumbling block for some. (Yeah right!) It was petty simple jealously. He was doing this healthy hobby as a outlet for not being able to play sports. Isn't that admirable????? My man gets alot of attn in the world because he is beautiful in so many ways. He does not fit the "image" of a skinny pencil necked elder and that has some up in arms. Letters for clarity were written to Bethel on this topic and the first was quite disturbing (so we heard) if he does bodybuilding for a living it is okay...if he does it for a hobby it is NOT!!!?!?!?! We freaked out.... but the elders just left us hanging and we still to this day have no idea what that is about!!! We've had disallusionment problems and are not happy. The elders have been no help. Unless you call help... removing someones priveleges and then NEVER calling them again!!!! A couple Elders just said, Forget the whole thing. WHAT ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE?!?!? They will face this too.

I can say.... if you are in the truth NEVER have personal problems...the other side is not pretty. However......we are seeing a counselor. Does any one have any personal experiences that could help us? I so desperately want to be a happy person and hopefully stay married to this man. However, he is going through so much pain and confusion with leaving. He feels so much Guilt it has overcome him, I think. He can't enjoy anything. I see a person within myself and within him trying to get out!!! I was not raised a JW and none of my family are... I think that may make it easier for me. His family says that you can't stumble a sheep and we can't let this affect us. YEAH>>> but IT DOES!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for your help..

SixofNine

He sounds like me.

Stop laughing everyone. lol.

For me it was a goatee. I don't have to work at my awesome body, lol. Seriously, he's run smack into the fact that this religion that he believed in with his whole heart and soul, with everything he's known from birth, has nothing to do with God, and never, EVER did. And...

bodybuilding

beards, and

birthdays....

....prove my point. If you have the golden ticket to everlasting life, you don't withhold that ticket from your neighbor because they happen to celebrate birthdays. If you have the goldend ticket, and men should take an active role in the congregation to please God, you don't withhold those "privileges" (lol) because someone grooms themselves differently than Nathan Knorr did. Ditto for bodybuilding.

Your husband has to be a man now (because being a Jehovahs Witness male is a long slow castration process) and face facts. He's going to have to read information that will literally leave him shaking, afraid like a little child that demons are affecting him just by reading. He's going to have to accept the fact that every person he really respected, had it wrong, his entire life. Moreover, all those people, while maybe sincere, simply didn't care enough about truth to research the "truth".

The good news is, this will likely free him from depression in a way no therapist could.

Ravyn

scooby,

I dont know if he wants to stay a JW or not. But I can tell you what my husband's advice to him was....(mine was never a JW thank goodness--but was raised in a traumatic environment) he said to tell your husband to find a good Martial arts teacher in a style he is attracted to. He sadi the discipline they teach builds self confidence and esteem. Mine is a time Black belt and was a champion in competition as a teen. it literally saved his life he says. take a martial arts class together..alot of times the senseis will have their wives teach tai chi or yoga or kick boxing.

Ravyn

sorry typo--four time black belt

berylblue

Have any of you ever seen the young men who work in the kitchen at Bethel? Man, they are BUILT. But I guess that's okay because they got that way serving Jehovah.

Beryl

SloBoy

Scooby,

Welcome to this site. There are many here that can relate to your feelings of anxiety and despair. Being under the influence of WBTS dogma can be so emotionally, spiritually,and mentally incapacitating. This is a good place to start on the road to "recovery". Leaving the WBTS will not guarantee a problem free existence, but it seems that you are now putting yourself in a position to be helped by other people, groups, and agencies that can lay some wonderful tools at your feet for getting on with life. Above all, DON'T PANIC. Keep doing what you have started and don't give-up before the miracle.

SheilaM

Scooby:

Thunder Rider faced the same crap, he is a gorgeous man inside and out. He has always had a really muscular build and the geeks hated it. I have never seen such a bevy of jealous people I swear the elders are disgusting.

Thunder and I have been in therapy on and off since 1989, due to his anger towards his parents (monsters) and the treatment by the organization. His leaving has been the cure for him. But in therapy he realized I wasn't the problem, I loved him without reservation. It was the others that treated him like crap. it's displaced anger plain and simple. They eat at your very soul. They almost caused me to lose Thunder Rider and they can rot before I ever forgive them for that. Had he taken his life I think the issues they have now would be nothing to what I would have done to them

Just love him as you seem to by your post, therapy will be great. An impartial person to say 'they are NUTS" works wonders.

Best to you and your hubby

metatron

In the final analysis, what really matters in life? what's most important?
What's the purpose of living?

One word:

Happiness

If anyone tells you, "No, that can't be it" Ask them why they think some
form of unhappiness is better! We're dealing with what should be a self evident
truth here.

If body-building is your thing, do it! Don't debate with the idiot elders at all.
Just politely show them the door and if they ask to visit you, say 'no thank you', period.

metatron

acsot

Welcome!

Does your husband still believe it's the truth? Would he read Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz? Or Apocalypse Delayed by James Penton? That may ease the guilt he has, that he's doing the wrong thing by granting himself some happiness. When he realizes how the organization is run he'll probably feel pain and anger, but will be freed from guilt and remorse at not seeming to ever be able to measure up.

According to the Bible, Jehovah is a happy god, and there is love among his true followers. If a person isn't happy and isn't loved by those members of his religious organization, they cannot have the truth, no matter how many times the WTS says they are God's channel of communication. If the love isn't obvious, then it can't be the right religion. And it is not the individual's fault if they don't feel that love - the Bible says that agape love is extended to all, not a select few within teh congregation.

Therapy will help - so will this board.

Carmel

Scooby,

Welcome! In my case one of the reasons for my being Df'd was my success in basket ball. When I won the regional hoopshoot contest at age 13 the cong servant who's son was so uncordinated he was very poor at sports, took me aside and told me not to compete anymore. I ignored his "counsel" and went on to win fourth place in the state contest. Within a year I was facing all kinds of reprimands about my "attitude" and "conduct". Needless to say being df'd was a blessing in disquise as I was able to go on and get to college with a basketball scholarship. Never looked back!

I hope you share these posts with your husband as he has nothing to be ashamed of by keeping fit and working out. Screw the pin head elders and their support hose!

Best wishes

carmel

help please

Share this