As a woman I obviously have a different point of view. Yes, obviously some women use sex as a weapon, but not all. What men sometimes perceive as women using sex as a weapon is actually just that they feel neglected, or have too much to do so are tired all the time and just don't have the energy. Some men take their wives for granted and then expect them to get turned on in thirty seconds of foreplay. Here news for you guys, a stiffy in the back is not foreplay!
If you treat your wife well (i.e. if you both work you should share in the housework and child care) do the romantic, everyday things (holding hands and the all time secret weapon of men, the kiss on the back of the neck) and you have good communication generally then if she is still not willing, then yes, she is probably using sex as a weapon. A recent study showed that men who help out with the housework had better sex lives, so that's something to think about.
I don't know your wife or your personalal situation, so obviously I don't know why she is being this way. She could be using this as a way to punish you for not doing what she wants, or she could be depressed about the whole thing and just not feeling it. Maybe it's a little of both. I think it's time for a heart to heart talk. This is huge, it needs to be resolved. If she is unwilling to talk about it, unwilling to see a counselor and unwilling to have sex, it is not a good sign. what she is doing is going directly against the advice of the bible. Maybe you could approach it that way and see if you can get her to at least talk.
