You really think you can play nice with the JW's, and have them leave you alone?
What you need to do, is put them in their place, tell them to shut the fugg up, and then..........
I'm sick of...
by freemindfade 36 Replies latest jw friends
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krejames
When I was first fading I lost count of the time one particular elder would call on a Sunday while me and my boyfriend were relaxing in our PJs watching TV. I didn't answer the door and he would put notes through my door.
Then there was the time I arrived home after a weekend away and my next door neighbour said "there was an old man looking for you, asking where you were and if you still live here".
i appreciate its different when your wife is still in and you're going to some of the meetings, but as others have said - you don't owe them anything. Thank them for calling and tell them you're busy and will let them know when it's convenient for them to come around. Take back control.
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flipper
FREEMINDFADE- I understand your frustration bro. JW's are good at ( and so are elders ) at not honoring personal boundaries that we have. They feel entitled to know everything about us- which kind of T.P. we use , if we masturbate or not, how our marriages are doing ( especially if we don't attend meetings ) , I mean- it never stops. It's ridiculous how nosy they are.
It's really none of their business. One thing you might do is text these elders before they come over to your house and say, " I appreciate your concern, but I'm doing fine. " And hang up if it's on the phone or just ignore further inquiries. When I first stopped attending meetings back in 2003 and the elders kept trying to contact me, I told them on the phone, " I have nothing to talk about with you, it's all been said. " Then I hung up the phone on them. They only tried contacting me once or twice after that and I did the same thing. Then they finally stopped.
You need to NOT feel guilty about saying NO to them. They can't do anything to you if you give them no power over you. Or give them the silent treatment. They will give up in time. And you may want to let your wife know that you don't need to talk to the elders either so you get her on YOUR side - at least somewhat on your side so she'll respect your wishes to NOT talk with the elders. Then she'll be respecting your personal boundaries as well. Just a few things I can think of here. Take care friend, we'll talk soon
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pbrow
When you fade you are hiding in the closet.
I read an awesome quote by Dan Savage about a week ago. He was writing to a female who had some type of unusual fetish and was scared of coming out of the closet. He told her that she needed to own who she was and the great thing about being locked in the closet is that it is locked from the inside and you can come out whenever YOU want to.
My feelings on fading notwithstanding, I hope you find the strength you need to move forward with your life.
pbrow
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Israel Ricky Gonzales
You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. Fade, DF, or DA, its a roll of the dice no matter what. The risk of losing friends and family is ALWAYS there when you aren't an active no-blood card carrying cult member. We all have our preferences as to how to leave. I prefer to remove the bandaid off as quick as possible, that goes literally also. the only thing you are guaranteed, with 2 of the 3 choices, DA and DF, is that the JWs will no longer f*ck with you and will leave you alone, forever. To me, thats worth it's weight in gold.
Just my opinions. Peace, ... in the middle east. -
freemindfade
problemaddict 2
That being said, something that helped me be able to speak openly with my wife, was her seeing how the brothers treated me (we had a kangaroo court remove me as a servant, question my character, and try to trump up charges......it fell flat, but accelerated my fade).
This is partly what I am seeing that she is getting first hand exposure to the pressure of the group from a new perspective now. The more they bother me (while I am not bothering anyone) she is seeing it as a nuisance I hope
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Dunedain
I remember coming home once, and there were 2 elders sitting in my living. I had NO idea they were going to be there. My a@#hole wife at the time, invited them there without me knowing or discussing it with me(the head of the household, lol). My now ex-wife was such a horrible, judgemental, lieing, evil motived human being, and she is still part of the BORG, till this day. She fits in perfect, actually.
When this happened we were going thru "marital problems", yeah no kidding, WE WERE 20 YEARS OLD, and had to marry early and take on heavy duty financial burdens, all at a young age cause maybe you might want to have sex, but thats another story. Anyway, she sneakily had these 2 elders come to my home, and when i got home, i was railroaded.
I think back now, some 20 years later, and think how it would be NOW, if i came home at the age of 40 and saw 2 unanounced men/elders in my house. I would toss them out my front door head first, and they would learn REAL QUICK to never come by me again. Damn bullys, they were so "big" when i was a 20 year old kid, try that now to the man i am now, and see what happens.