Do you feel embarrsed?

by The Rebel 26 Replies latest jw friends

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  The Rebel

  When you look through a keyhole, and see the person you once were?

  As for myself, I am just pleased I have mended my ways. I realise ( NOW) my time as a witness was a keyhole that looked in to the ground, and licked the elders arse. So now the keyhole I am looking through is sky bound and I no longer need lick any bodies arse.

  But if I am honest, I do feel a little shame and embarrassment that I spent so much time in that cheap motel, where the cost of accommodation was bombed-out natural affection,and association with a pack of wolves, and stray dogs who lived on a patch of grass in a mental religiouse asylum. Particularly when the walls of freedom were always on the edge of town....

  The Rebel.
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  freemindfade

  In a lot of ways I always felt embarrassed being a witness.

  Being different didn't bother me, ie not celebrating holidays it really didn't matter to me, and despite being a witness I had many many "worldly" friends and it did not stunt me socially.

  Being a witness did limit me, I was sought after for extra curricular sports etc, and never could do it. I never fretted over it too much, but it did suck.

  Preaching... preaching the witnesses crap was embarrassing... waking people up, making them come to the door on a saturday morning when they are trying to enjoy their family, or their free time, or their sleep or whatever, i found that infinitely unnecessary and yes... embarrassing as hell!
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  Ucantnome

  No
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  SecretSlaveClass

  Yes. Before I met my wife I was THE example of an asshole. I was an immature prick who ran around constantly trying to prove my "masculinity" and how tough I was. It took her to show me I was just an overgrown child. Now I just have to keep working on being the "bull in the China shop".
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  _Morpheus

  As a born in this is all knew. When i realized ttatt i didnt feel embarrassed because its how i was raised but i can understand why some may feel that way if they were sucked in as an adult. I dont think its justified, mind you, but i can understand why someone may feel that way.

  part of what you describe may be more accurately described as personal growth and looking back from a more mature place, cult or no. I have certainly felt that as ive grown but again thats not tied to the cult so much as its just normal human maturation.
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  Syme

  I'm not embarrassed, I didn't do something to be embarrassed back then, like dishonesty or something similar. What I feel is sorrow. Sorrow for all the years I wasted in a non-existent cause, sorrow for failing to live a healthy natural life until waking up, sorrow that I have to learn all the really important things in life now from scratch, in a not-so-young age. Sorrow for starting to look after myself only now, sorrow for learning things in my 30s that a normal person learns, and enjoys, from his adolescence.

  But still, late is better than later.
  
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  possum

  Mortified! as well as same as Syme "What I feel is sorrow".
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  The Rebel

  Thanks for the thoughts,

  Morpheus " part of what you describe, may be more accurately described as personal growth...."

  The Rebel:- A great observation.

  I am embarrsed by my baptism. To think I needed a certificate for eternal life.

  A baptised witness was " special" . A certificate from Jehover, made ME special. There were wars, starving people, and calamities in daily life but none of this was as important as my baptised certificate approved by Jehover.

  The Rebel.
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  fukitol

  Yeah, I feel EMBARRSED by your English skills and obsessive compulsive thread starting.
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  The Rebel

  
  

  Fukitol :- " yes I feel " EMBORRESED" , by your English skills,and obsessive thread starting"

  My friend, I was once very snug and secure at the Kingdom Hall, I used to get the occasional outbursts from elders but I was always ready to forgive. Therefore I think now as an ex-witness I should also forget such a cold and haughty reply, but at the same time not be hypocritically polite.

  On that basis how do I answer your thoughtful comment?

  This is my answer. The world and people are made up of small primitive structures, maybe made up of small particles called atoms, yet for me the highest form of existence is " respect".

  I think this is why I was so successful on the ministry, I knocked on a door and took it further than a door knock, made many friends that way. And I was never embarresed by my dedication and commitment to learning from and sharing the wealth of experience of each persons human existence.

  Your observation however is respectively noted.

  The Rebel.