by berylblue 12 Replies latest jw friends
A few days ago, I tracked down the only semi-real friend I had as a Witness. I called her at work and left a message. She emailed me back, and seemed amenable to talking even though I am DF.
She made a comment, "Come back to Jah. Things are getting weird out there."
I told her that I had never left Jah, and that things were getting weird "in there" and made a comment about the Silent Lambs and the UN. She has not written back, nor will she.
I am devastated. That was so dumb of me.
Beryl
I am devastated. That was so dumb of me.Beryl
don't be too hard on yourself that is a very common mistake that former jw make all the time
they will often time know of a person who is smoking , drinking - giving away "Coochie" and Swinging "D%ck" all over town.
then they assume, "O I can talk to this person" and all of a sudden the worst jw on record becomes the most devote jw and the reason is simple, they look upon what they do as weakness, being spiritually weak etc, they llook upon what you are doing as TURNING YOUR BACK ON GOD
many times we will see folks here on this site say "I don't beleive in god anymore" and believers will at times go off, how can you say or believe that, etc-
yet when anyone of us tells a jw we no longer want to sell books on our sat off, in their mind it amounts to saying:
"I don't believe in god"
it is so important to fully understand the tremendous power that High Control groups like wt and other have on their memeber
this is a link that you may find of interest for it deals with why FACTS PROOF, EVIDENCE AND DOCUMENTATION many times have NOTHING to do with folks being convinced
it is so shocking to many of us how after xeroxing 200 pages of flip flops and dogma changes anyone after reading it will say:
"Yes that is true the wt did get alot of stuff wrong, but they are still gods org"
and it boils down to how High Control Groups affect folks
so my suggestion is the same as always READ READ READ as much as you can and this way you will know how to take and view rejection from a jw, but most importantly you WILL KNOW WHY
JAMES
then they assume, "O I can talk to this person" and all of a sudden the worst jw on record becomes the most devote jw and the reason is simple, they look upon what they do as weakness, being spiritually weak etc, they llook upon what you are doing as TURNING YOUR BACK ON GOD
True. People have no sense of loyalty to anything, including to their own morals, but when push comes to shove, they will defend their "beliefs" to the last. I remember this girl who was a catholic, but slept around, did drugs and drank her brains out. Still, she went to church all of the time, and believed she was going to heaven.
Let people have their fantasies, and move on and find better friends, ones that are less maintenance.
ash
Beryl...I can relate.
That urge to call someone you truly loved and cared about as an active JW.
I have done similarly. You extend your 'olive branch' if you would to a former associate within the WTBTS, to be eventually given the cold shoulder. Shunning - is painful and a horrible reality of having been a JW dub.
Loving? we know the answer to that. Your gesture, was.
Beryl - my thoughts are with you, because I know the feeling, and I've been there, more than once.
You won't be shunned here.
Sorry Berylblue.. You blew it.
Not very conciliatory. Almost hostile.
Better luck next time.
Blue...wont it be nicer to be able to talk to people without walking on eggs about every little thing you say to them? The JWs as you well know, are like that...you have to WEIGH everything, and frankly, even if you hadnt said anything this time...you would have in the next three contacts with her that would have put her off. So dont beat yourself over it. Perhaps you planted a seed with her...and she may look outside the box to see what you were talking about. They dont talk about the molestation issue in the halls...just that the apostates and the press were defaming Jehovahs name with this that and the other "lies". You know how it goes.
I had a dear dear friend in the dubs...closer than my sister...who towards the end of my JWness slept with an elder, and she being married with kids, and he being married with kids...and I was the only ally she had. When I DAd, she said she could no longer speak to me because I was "too negative about the truth" to be around! I was like HEELLOOOOOO...its ok to SLEEP AROUND in your book but not ok to talk about REALITY?? She was never DFd for her act either...just moved to another congregation. Then years and years later, was DFd on a "related charge" but still refused to talk to me because she was bucking for reinstatement. Something is DEFINITELY screwed up with the org. Pack your bags honey...move on out and find friends who love you for ALL of you including your right to believe what you want :)
Beryl:
Not a mistake hun, a learning experience one I know we all at times have had. Now you know she wasn't a true friend a true friend loves you enough to let you be who you are. (unless your harming yourself or others) So search out someone that loves you for who you are and what you are, like they said what kind of friend makes you walk on eggshells?
<of the walked on too many shells and sick of it class>
First, thanks for the link JT.....very interesting. Explains a lot. Beryl, true friendship is really about one thing: communication. Friendship, is about the freedom to communicate honestly and openly with trust. And of course honest and open communication opens a whole plethora of things which friendship shares. So, you lost nothing. Only a "semi-real friend". Which isn't a friend at all. Use your energies to make new friends who understand as you do, and are open to learning and sharing. Out with the old...and in with the new. JamesT
Blue: You tried doing the right thing, if they want to react to that , the problem is on them, and just shows how they really are.. Unfortunately, I have been in a similiar circumstance , its still current, and as you know many friendships in the WT are "conditional".. To me a "conditional" friendship is no friendship at all.. Real friends don't always tell others what they want to hear all the time , sometimes its also what they need to hear although they dont realize it..
