How does it feel to be officially DF'd or DA'd?

by JH 18 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  JH

  How do you feel, now that you are out of the JW's?

  Does the Watchtower Society want to make it feel worse than it actually is? Would you say that the scare of being DF'd was worse than the real thing?
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  Swan

  Other than losing my family, I think it is hilarious! To have someone step off the elevator because you got on after them is priceless! And when I DAed I only knew a fraction of the dirt on the JWs. Now I truly understand the first thirty-five years of my life. Now my life all makes sense.

  Tammy
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  happysistah

  Currently, I'm not DF'd. But back in the 80's I was DF'd and I didn't have a problem with it. I didn't have anyone telling me what I could do and what I could not do. One draw back was the shunning issue, some of my family members would not talk to me, but I didn't want to talk to them either. But of course, some of the family functions I was not included, and that would make me sad on occasion.

  However, I always had this longing to go back whenever things were bad. I would say to myself, if you had Jehovah in your life this wouldn't have happen. So I went back. It was better for a while. Then I after awhile I felt that coming back was a mistake. I felt like I did not have what it took to get into the new system. So...I struggled to stay in.. I became inactive and I always tormented myself that I was not a good person because I was an inactive JW.

  Then one day last year, I decided I was going to do whatever it took to be an active, good JW. So I started going to the Hall and reading the publications. I was getting ready to start going back out in field service and then one day I stumble upon this board. Needless to say, I was turned on to Freemind and Crisis of Conscience and now I don't feel bad about being inactive.

  Actually I feel really good about it because, now I see the light. Eventually, I might take some official stand, but I hate the shunning part. So, for the time being, I will just fade back into total inactivity.

  happysistah
• 

  czarofmischief

  At first it was traumatic, but so is being born.

  Now it's fun. I enjoy mocking my former beliefs, and I feel like I can participate in my life instead of waiting for the New System. I have a wonderful woman, two great cats, a decent job, money to fart around, and a hobby.

  My family is pretty cool about it. They love me. I love them. Sure, relations are a bit strained as they waffle through various stages of acceptance, but on the whole its cool. I keep busy.

  I am grateful for being df'ed. It set me free. My mind is completely uncaged, whoohoo!

  CZAR
• 

  onacruse

  Hi happysistah :) and welcome to the forum.

  You and I have a couple things in common:

  back in the 80's I was DF'd and I didn't have a problem with it. I didn't have anyone telling me what I could do and what I could not do.

  Yep. Did you perchance go through the wonderful 70s? The disappointment? The aftermath of "heads low and mouths shut"?

  I can recall, as clearly as if I walked out on my patio right now, the night I was DFd, thinking "Well, at last it's over." But it wasn't. I missed my family and friends...

  So I went back. It was better for a while.

  I wish you well in your fade.

  Craig
• 

  BadJerry

  this is from imanaliento, the other half of badjerry,

  We both DA"d and it feels great, our boys can have more of a social life and the 15 year old is thrilled that he doesn't have to settle on what few girls there were at the hall for dating.

  being no other family was in it was wonderful to celebrate the holidays with them and talk about things that i normally would of had to bite my tongue on.

  it's all GOOD !!
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  happysistah

  Thanks for the welcome Craig!

  The 70's. I got baptized in 1976--because of course Armageddon was coming any minute. In my area..People were getting into huge debt in the 70's because they thought that they wouldn't have to pay it back. Many fell out of the truth in the late 70's. By the 80's I was tired of all the rules.

  I wish this board was available to me in the 80's and Raymond Franz's books. These tools have helped me to leave the organization and not have that guilty conscience. I do not have the longing to go to the Hall, anymore.

  However, now I have to come up with a different belief system and I am struggling with that.

  Life after the Watchtower is great as far as freedom, but I have allot of work to do as far as my belief system. As a member of this board told me to do (JT) Read, Read and Read some more.

  So I'm re-building my belief system!

  Happysistah
• 

  Eppie

  Hai Happysistah,

  Welcome to you of course! I know what you mean with your beliefsystem being shoken up. I experienced the same. I faded about 2 yrs ago and have been denying God and all belief systems lately (also all the rules, I am having soooooooooooo much fun ). Recently however one of my family members died and I just cannot belief that this is all there is. This doesn''t naturally mean that there is a God of course, but reincarnation would be cool to believe in as well (how about returning to earth as a pop idol or how would it suck if you were born in a JW family again.......)...

  Good luck with reading! I am trying as well but often get the negative feeling of reading about religion (as if you are reading the Awake! or smth). You might also want to read the book Approaching Jehovah's Witnesses in Love from Wilbur Lingle. I just started reading it so I don't know exactly whether it is good or not but I had to laugh so hard about the following (adapted a bit to make it shorter):
  ...

  P(erson): Will everyone living upon this earth be killed in Armageddon?
  JW: Everyone but faithful JWs, they will be protected by Jehovah (Eppie: of course JWs would never say it so bluntly)
  P: You mean that JWs will live through this horrible disaster, witnessing these people being killed and will have to listen to the blood-curdling screams as people die in agonising pain?
  JW: I imagine that will be the case (Eppie: ok they wouldn't say this either but just read on.....)/
  P: After all this awful destruction how is the new world order going to come about?
  JW: The JWs will completely rebuild this earth so that it will be as beautiful as the nice pictures in our magazines
  P: It seems to me that the first thing the surviving JWs will have to do is to get rid of the five billion bodies lying all around! So you mean the first thing they must do after Armageddon is to stand around and watch the worms and birds eat those dead bodies?
  etc.

  Doesn't it sound brilliant? Reading about smth you once believed in is so funny .... :)
  
  Good day Happysistah, i hope to talk to you in more threads,

  Eppie
• 

  RAYZORBLADE

  I recall that I knew that my either (DF/DA) was inevitable.

  I did meet with the Judicial Committee, and even though I was not at the meeting or do I recall an official announcement (via letter), I assume I was. In my mind, I most certainly was.

  I remember in some odd way, that it may prompt me to change my behaviour. That if I was DF'd, it may jolt me into straightening out my 'way of life' as it were. Didn't work. I found myself slowly coming to terms with the isolation. But that isolation only lasted awhile as I developed 'worldly' friends and realized that having them as associates, was certainly unconditional.

  I was depressed for a little while, and I remembered that I figured I was doomed so I just accepted it eventually. Years go by, I begin to lighten up quite a bit, and then as more years roll by, I start to be more openly critical of the WTBTS because my shield of defending them, fell. Once it did: then I began to heal. That took me almost 10 years to get there at first, and now, another 10 years has rolled by, and I'm feeling mighty fine thank you.

  Honestly, many of your (everyone) comments posted on various threads here has given me some insight that I did not have. In some ways, unbeknownst to some of you, have given me some further resolve, and my mood/affect overall as a participant here is VERY POSITIVE! As I've stated before, if you had ever encountered me on other XJW forums, I was a very different person.

  But to put things in retrospect: how does it feel...now?

  EXCELLENT! It is truly liberating, and freedom has been fulfilled in my life. Couldn't be happier, thanks to so many of you; SIMON "THANK YOU" .

  Best XJW forum on the net .
• 

  datsdethspicable

  on the first elders meeting I told them to go ahead and disfellowship me(being an elders daughter i knew it was coming) but of course they said they had to decide amongst themselves...and the outcome was i was disfellowshipped. I think that is what pissed me off is that they held that over me, you know, prolonging the inevitable.

  but that is the biggest favor they ever did (disfellowshipping me). I never really ever got encouragement or upbuilding in my whole life of being a JW. I was depressed, fearful of life and people, and suicidal. Now i am so happy. I enjoy lie. And have plenty of friends.

  My entire family is still in. Some shun me some don't. That doesn't bother me anymore. I am free.