by JH 18 Replies latest jw friends
I am d/a , and it feels good to be free.
It was a little hard to know that so many would wonder what happened and would think the worst of you. But then I got over that and stopped caring so much what others thought of me.
I am happy. Still recovering and dealing with issues, but I don't regret it at all.
How does it feel? It sucks. I was given an ultimatum 2 years ago: DA yourself, of we will DF you. I DA'd myself, and since then, it has been an emotional rollercoaster. My feelings swing back and forth, from being suicidal and wanting to die because the inside hurt overwhelms me, to being angry, pissed off, and fearful for my relatives that are still very much a part of the organization. I still sometimes worry about dying at armageddon, about being completely shunned by my family, whom I love dearly. On my good days, I am relieved to not be apart of it. On my bad days, it would be nice to go to sleep and not wake up for a while. When a JW decides to do some research on the background of the religion, it is a point of no return. Speaking for myself, it is a scary, scary journey. You find out about things you never would have believed when you were devout. You feel guilty. You feel ashamed. As time goes on, I hope to feel enlightened.
Welcome to the board praying_mantis. Please stick around and do some more reading so that your mood swings will settle down. If not go see a doctor to help with the derpession and despair you are dealing with. You had said "I hope to feel enlightened." 'Read Crisis of Consceince by Ray Franz, that may help you.
Hubby and I were recently df'd, (or at least we think so, the elders said they were going to announce it, we don't go to meetings, so who knows!) Anyway, it did not change a thing for us because we were already being shunned by the local congregation. I feel if you let what the boys proclaim about you effect you, you are giving them power they have no right to have. Freedom is living your life without the influence of other people or organization.
Praying M,,,,,,,,,,you will feel better as time goes by, if you study on things, open your mind to how wrong the WT is on what they are doing , and not doing .
I have been out , in my heart since Jan of last year, and as others can tell you I suffered greatly. I don't know what I would have done without the support of so many here. It is traumatic to lose your religion, it is a death, and we have to go thru all the steps of losing , of grief to feel whole again. Many of us , like me who were born JW, never have known what whole really is.
It has been the most growing year of my life, and I know I am still recovering. It will take the rest of my life to deal with many issues, but it is worth it. I don't get so depressed about displeasing God anymore, I am happy feeling he knows my heart, and I am trying to do the right thing.
It is good to express yourself here and work thru it........ there is only one way out, and that is through it. It is not always an easy exit and for some it is harder than others for personal reasons. I hope you know you have our support and understanding here.
I have enjoyed being DF'd... keeps them away from me. As for family shunning me, anyone that shuns is not family, in my world. So, I dont miss them. They are the ones missing out.
I never had any meeting with the elders, about being DF'd... I just got a letter in the mail informing me of the fact.
Animal
Don't know yet!
ISP
There were only two people holding Nina and I to the Witnesses in any form, her father and my best friend. Well Bill is dead and after my best friend's JW tantrums about the memorial service I don't know if I ever want to see him again. So really there's nothing holding me or anyone that I would miss.
Actually I wasn't DFed nor did I DA myself. Since I hadn't attended meetings for five years the elders lied to the congregation when they announced that I had dissasociated myself. They put me in limbo with some JWs talking to me when they see me while others will shun me. However, I view it as their problem not mine. I found a much better life beyond the Watch Tower.
Athanasius
When I was df'd I missed my mother, sister, and brother who were still in. I still saw it as the troof and sought reinstatement. After reinstatement I tried to continue but it just wasn't working for me. It was a fade out from there. My sister started questioning before I did and she quit altogether. She respectfully waited for me to realize there were problems within the org. and then gave me a few things to look into on my own. I have two other brothers who have been out for years. My mother recently passed away that just leaves one brother in. I feel sorry for him because he must now feel like the odd one out. I call him if I don't hear from him. (I love him unconditionally)
