by logansrun 28 Replies latest jw friends
Scooby, welcome to the forum!
I'm in month two and I feel like throwing up daily.
When I joined this group last summer, I started laughing/crying/aching/laughing/crying in an almost non-stop cycle for close to a month. Also had a lot of anger venting.
It's not been an easy road, but wow...the scenery is getting better every day.
Craig
Ah...something I didn't really mention is that I first started having intense doubts over two years ago (although there were little tunnels of doubt on and off for a few years before). So there was close to a year and a half of inner struggles and well over 1,000 hours of critical research before my grand departure. This was completely secret to everyone except my best friend who was having the same doubts. For a few months I also vomited daily, although I think part of the problem was I was still outwardly a "good JW" and had to live a life with a mind in another place; the cognitive dissonance was incredible. So my walking away was not a rash decision -- hell, it could be a matter of life or death! Well, there came a point where I knew with a very, very high degree of probability that this just wasn't the truth. I left almost immediately after that.
The initial reaction was bad -- losing friends and family, coming out of the theological closet, etc. I think after a good four months life started to shape up a bit (interestingly, the vomiting stopped within a few days of leaving). Give it time, Scoopy.
Bradley
Bradley! great that you were able to get rid of alot so quickly- when they ousted me- there was no exjws that I knew off ( 1987) but something you mentioned that my advice would be a no-no ( for me anyway)You say you can read the WT & Awake ...But I learned that just like a alcholic has to stay away from the booze a cultist leaving should stay away from the writings. It has the Spirit of Deception!!! within those pages.... something you read my tempt you to think "Oh that sound logical. but it is just like that cool glass of lemonade on a hot day-it looks good smells good but there is a couple of drops of arsnic in it- You cannot detect it.. but it is there .... take care my friend.
Mouthy,
Well, I don't exactly spend my Friday nights reading the Isaiah Book Volume 2 . I actually think it is a good thing to peruse the literature every once in a while, get a good laugh, see how ridiculous it is and move on. I agree it would be emotionally harmful for someone to constantly read the WT (if they are truly in a vulnerable state), but I don't have a problem otherwise.
Take care,
Bradley
Good to hear that Bradly-- Hope I didnt sound "preachy" It is hard for an old leapord to change his spots-exuse me!!!!I couldnt read em!!! I get ill Truthfully!!!!
I've been out for 8 months now, and for the first couple of months, I kept having a recurring nightmare....
I would dream I was at an Special Assembly Day with my newly grown beard and all were aghast!
No more nightmares now, just pleasant dreams!
Huxley
Bradley,
Congratulations! It's quite an accomplishment to be on track in just ten months. I am happy for you.
Kat Newmas agrees with thesilence.... If you got that far in ten months pal, you must be a pretty strong person. It has been twenty years for me.... I still get the hee-bee-gee-bees everytime I see a christmas tree. My wife loves christmas, and I dont really have an opinion on it... but I still dread seeing Nov-Dec. coming. I used to have to sit in the library at school during any holiday activities.... then the other guys beat you up, cause you dont believe in Jesus, cause you wont celebrate his B,day. Just gives me the creeps thats all... I see a reindeer, and I just know I am about to be stuffed into a locker in the gym.
kat
Good job logan! You have made excellent progress. College is great. Fill your mind with all the new and fresh information you can get! About the being snubbed part...Do what I do. If it is a so-called lifer, strong JW. Go out of your way to get in their face with a friendly hello and smile. Make them squirm. Why play there game? I about give a young elder the other day a heart attack I think. He did not see me coming! I moved right into his space and gave him a hearty hello as if it were old times! He nearly lost his balance and was so damn flustered, he returned my greeting! He was the same elder I sent my resignation letter to. He was the same one who told me I would be treated as disfellowshipped! Have some fun logan! Congratulations! Duane Wing
I drifted towards the edge of the organization over some years and finaly realised that in the words of the song - 'I had come to doubt all that I once held as true.' will never forget the friends and relatives whose affection I lost, along with the feeling of safety that belonging to the Watchtower Society's world brought me. All my life I had been promised that I would never grow old and die but would live forever on earth, when it was turned into a paradise. Now I realized that I was going to grow old and die like every other human. Coming to terms with the reality of so many wasted years and learning to live outside the organization and accept as worthwhile, people who I had previously condemned, was a long hard climb.
Unlike so many others I was fortunate enough to have a wife who felt the same as me and we left together and built a new life with new friends and a different and happier outlook.
