by BlackWolf 32 Replies latest jw friends
I hear you!
You have described so many family situations amongst witnesses.
Hang in there and recognise that although the atmosphere is difficult, YOU can control what you allow to affect YOU!
Only things we allow will hurt us. Keep the bigger picture in mind, and feel free to get the support from this wonderful community.
You know best how he'd react but maybe you could get your Dad a nice card and express the concerns you've mentioned here, in a very respectful way.
In so many words, you could tell him that you love him and miss his presence in the house and that you've seen a change in him and in the family since he's become an Elder and it hasn't been for the better.
(Do a google search of "Ministers Kids" and get some statistics on how it effects their lives and maybe you know of some JW Elder's kids who've have had a rough time)
In a tactful way let him know what you've learned about the matter and how you already feel you are at the breaking point. Tell him you're afraid of the family breaking up. Tell him that you remember how the Society says fathers main responsibility is to put his family first and it feels like lately his Job and Congregation responsibilities are first and the family is suffering because of it.
Just an idea, but I know if my kids would have done something like that, I'd have definitely sat up and taken notice.
My father was a fun loving guy before he was an elder. Then he started walking around like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and he was never home. The best times we had were when we went on vacation and he didn't have to think about it for a few days.
I feel for you. I was a free spirit with an elder father too, and a mother who wanted to appear perfect all the time. It's a lot of unrealistic pressure. Someday you can escape. It's hard knowing how exactly to do it, and when, but it will happen. I think I've told you before, but get a part time job and save all your money. All of it. Use it later for college and living expenses because unless you have a rich sweet worldly grandmother you will need to do it yourself.
Edited to add: i love Pete's advice too, I think expressing this to your father may make your life a little easier for the present and may wake your father up a bit from his elder haze.
Still in
My advice :
if your are more than 18 y o . take your pack and RUN FAST!!!( easy to say i know )
if you are under 18 . have a close look to what brainwashing can do to a family .
Take lesson and become the most cleaver and ready for "whatever happen man" on this planet ... " like Bruce Willis "
The strongest and most ready man on this damm planet ....for anything
Your on the fire mate now . its hard i know. THEY are crazy .NOT YOU !!
Just keep howling!
Was your dad an accidental elder or was he reaching out and wanting it?
If he was an accidental elder then it might well be worth your time to have an adult conversation with him (choose your timing damn well) and kindly lay it out that you are concerned for his well being (you are, honestly you are!) that he will burn out and his family is / will suffer, and that you think he is not being fair to his family who should come first. You are though obviously only saying these things because you care deeply about him, (but dont lay it on too thick or he'll know it's not true.)
It has to be framed correctly and delivered without judgement only concern and kindness.
It might make him worse that is a gamble mind, but if he senses you are on his side and looking out for him it might work. If he thinks you are doing it for your benefit he will likely resist.
