Technically, I was never "in" (never baptized) but I did adhere to the JW teachings and refrained from the things that they had taught me was displeasing to Jehovah.
Admittedly, I loved the time that I was a part of them. I felt an abundance of love, but perhaps this was because I wasn't yet baptized...of that, I'll never know. I enjoyed spending time with the brothers and sisters, and we were, in our own way, a little family. We did almost everything together. Vacations, leisure time, all except living together (LOL). And I loved it. I loved them. It wasn't until I found out about the UN scandal that the shades slowly began to fall from my eyes. Then Silentlambs. Then I found this site and links to the twisted WT literature...the distortions of quoted remarks, the underlying discouragement of using one's own conscience and of independence, the emphasis of relying completely on the organization for understanding of the bible. I hadn't realized the importance that the WTS (as a matter of fact, our study partners had gone out of their way to downplay the reliance that the R&F have on the WTS) played in these people's lives.
After finding these things out, I was prompted to ask one of the elders about these things. He simply told me that if he believed one way, and they told him that he must ignore what he thought and teach and spread the message as they had taught him...that he would go against what his own conscience was telling him and put his faith in Jehovah. That Jehovah would either correct his thinking on the matter or work things out within the organization. He would continue teach people something he didn't even believe himself. Go into these people's homes and out and out lie. I was floored. I didn't realize the kind of grip this organization had on it's followers until that moment. I stopped attending the meetings and only went back to a couple of my husband's talks (TMS). Only then did I hear things in those meetings that I'd never noticed before. The statements that no one else can come to a true understanding of the bible without the aid of the FDS, the discouragement of helping charities. After the memorial service last year, when I felt I had given Jesus Christ a good slap in the face by rejecting the emblems, I told my husband that I would never set foot back inside a Kingdom Hall ever again. And I haven't.
Yes, I had a problem with the "rules"...but I felt that the witnesses had showed me knowledge that I had never had regarding what pleases and displeases Jehovah. It was a small price to pay if I was making Jehovah happy. It wasn't until I found out what hypocrites the WTS were that I began to really investigate their "scriptural" basis for their rigid rules as well. And I found they were more Phariseeic (sp?) than anything. Paul had stated in his letters that one must use their own conscience regarding these things (sabbath, eating meat, observance of certain days). Heck, even the first century christians weren't handing down commands, but instead were encouraging their followers to use their own conscience and not to stumble their brothers. It wasn't until I re-read the bible without the JW slant, that I felt that Jehovah could care less whether or not my husband had a beard, I put up a Christmas tree, or worked out at the local YMCA.
My husband has somehow convinced himself that I stopped attending meetings just because I wanted to do holidays again. He couldn't be farther from right.
Great thread (sorry so long-winded )
Sadie