Do you think JW men treat women worst than 'other' men in power?

by BLISSISIGNORANCE 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  BLISSISIGNORANCE

  I ask this question because we often hear about JW men (bros., elders, servants, CO's etc.) treating sisters as lower and weaker beings than themselves.

  But I wonder if it's not just a male-dominant world problem.

  I didn't grow up as a JW so every male I met for 30 years was not a JW. I met very nice, gentle men in that time but I also met men who had huge egos that needed stroking. And if they were challenged by a female they would turn nasty.

  I stayed at home with my kids when they were little. Those years were spent with a very abusive man who destroyed my confidence and joy. He managed to humiliate me and make me feel worthless, despite serving him in every way. He was my husband and not a JW.

  I then met my 2nd hubby in the borg. He wasn't raised a JW yet he had and still has all the qualities of a chrisitian man. He was and still is kind and gentle, supportive, generous, patient, and faithful.

  Could it be that people are what they are? In or out of the borg, male or female..........if you give someone enough power, they'll abuse it? I think that those awful bros. that treat women badly, would do the same out of the borg, it's just that the WTS promotes men and therefore empowers them.

  If at work a woman encounters sexual descrimination, she can do something about it. But in the borg, when she DOES encounter sexual descrimination she has no support. The borg IS sexist. But like my hubby, there are men in the borg that respect women, and out of the borg there are men that abuse women.

  What do you think?

  Cheers,

  Bliss
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  teenyuck

  If at work a woman encounters sexual descrimination, she can do something about it. But in the borg, when she DOES encounter sexual descrimination she has no support. The borg IS sexist. But like my hubby, there are men in the borg that respect women, and out of the borg there are men that abuse women.

  When it happens at work the woman can sue and get some mediocum of justice. In the WTBTS a man will not be looked upon well if he respects and treats women as equals. They have an incentive to be harsh with women....men in general do not.

  There are just as many dysfunctional men outside the borg as in; the problem is that they are patted on their back and told they are stronger, smarter and more valuable than women. Men in America would be labeled for doing this and it could come back to haunt them.

  American society is still not totally equal...when more woman than men have college degrees and make the same for the same job we will be making progress. (BTW, 53% of college students are women in USA)
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  freedom96

  No, I don't think so. If an man is going to treat a woman like crap, he will do it regardless of power or religion.
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  Warrigal

  Some, not all, of the men can be abusive and overbearing. They take as their mandate that wives should be in subjection to their husbands and milk that for all its worth.

  There is an elder in the local cong who is verbally abusive to his wife and child. She is so cowed and downcast that I wonder if it becomes physical abuse behind closed doors. She doesn't socialize with the other women and won't engage in conversation beyond the initial niceties. I truly feel so sorry for her but she is afraid or constrained from reaching out to anyone.
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  Xander

  The problem, actually, is christianity. The bible DOES say specifically that women are inferior to men.

  The US is a predominantly christian country, hence, the problem.

  Everywhere that organized religion has a very strong hold, women are subjugated.

  Continues to baffle the mind why people put up with a book that defines women as inferior.
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  Bona Dea

  I don't think that this problem is in no way exclusive to the JWs. You will find abusive men and women in any religion, race, walk of life. BUT, somewhat building on what Xander has said, Christianity (and actually, not just Christianity...but other religions as well...just look at the Muslims) promote, to some degree, the male superiority to the lesser female. This would feed, say, your average Joe Beatshiswife and give him a haven, so to speak, where he could live out his life, treating his wife as badly as he wishes and even, in some cases, earn himself a pat on the back from his fellow brothers for keeping his family properly aligned.

  My husband, however, has gotten somewhat better since he has joined the witness ranks. Before he was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive. Now, he's just the latter two. And it's not as blatant as it once was. He has adapted the skill of manipulation (which goes so well with his already existant controlling nature) so that it isn't as obvious to outsiders as it once was. Good for him! He has learned something from the Borg after all. At least, I'm only getting mentally tortured now...I'm just happy I'm not getting strangled and beaten anymore (praise Jah )...

  Sadie
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  Cicatrix

  No I don't. I'm in college, and I'm amazed at the number of other women who have never been witnesses that are experiencing abuse. Statistics say it's something like one in ten women, and that seems to be the case at school. And the incidences of abuse for these women seem to escalate once they enroll in school. The men who are controlling them know that when the women graduate, they will be more financially independent and less controllable (just yesterday a friend called and told me she had to leave school, because her husband was disrupting her studying, then got so violent she had to have him removed from her home. My friend was told by a female instructor that because she couldn't make it to class that day, she was on probation and would be kicked out of her program if she was late or couldn't make it to class again for any reason. Now that she is going to be the sole breadwinner, she knows she can't work, care for her small children, and finish school. She was one semester away from her degree!) I live in a rural area, and I don't know if this is a factor in the frequency of this type of garbage or not

  A conversation we had in Poli Sci the other day was very telling. My instructor is originally from another country, and became a citizen a few years ago. He was saying that one thing that surprised him that he has observed about the United States was that here in this democractic country that espouses equality for all, women are still being paid less than men to do the same job, and being passed over for promotion in favor of men. A number of men in the class objected to that, stating that things were getting better. I pointed out an example that I knew of in which a woman who was the sole support for her son was passed over for promotion and told that they were giving it to the man because he "had a family to support." One vocal guy nastily commented that the man was probably more qualified than the woman. I told him that no, the woman had worked there much longer than the man, and she had a college education, while the man did not. He just gave me a dirty look.

  The instructor then posed a question to the class concerning whether or not it is appropriate to insist on leaving a poster of a semi-nude woman up on the wall in one's office if a woman objected to it. The men went into a speil that it was perfectly acceptable, because the human body is "art", etc. The instructor then asked, "Okay, what if a woman insists on having a poster of a "well-built," comparably dressed man on her wall ?" The room was silent. The instructor then said "So it's not about beauty is it, it's about power."

  I agree that religion seems to be responsible for the attitude.In my experience, religious men and women seem to view me as some kind of serious threat when I say I'm not religious.
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  Scarlet

  It is my belief that if you let the man treat you like crap you will be treated like crap no matter what religion you are. You have to want to get out of the relationship and see for yourself what is wrong. And men aren't the only ones that treat woman like crap I have known many men in verbally abusive relationships and their woman have treated them very badly. It goes both ways. We only focus on woman because of all the whining crying babies out there that love to focus on how opressed they have been. I say get over it and do something for yourself. You have the power to be in the relationship or not to be you also have the power to make out of your self whatever you want no man is going to tell you what you can or cannot do. You do that.
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  Bona Dea

  You know, Scarlet, that's real easy to say when you're not the one in the situation. For some of us, it's not as simple as just being sick of it and getting out. Generally, there are a lot more factors in the equation. I know that I would've said the same thing as you did to someone years ago, at least until I found myself in a controlling relationship. I didn't choose for my life to be this way, yet it is. I try to make the best of it for now, until I get on my feet again...and I realize, I have little choice but to stay where I am for now, whether I like it or not. Sometimes life hands you lemons...and well, forgets to give you the tools to make lemonade. You do the best you can, until you can do better. Don't judge until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes...

  Sadie of the "whining crying baby" class
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  berylblue

  You know, Scarlet, that's real easy to say when you're not the one in the situation. For some of us, it's not as simple as just being sick of it and getting out. Generally, there are a lot more factors in the equation. I know that I would've said the same thing as you did to someone years ago, at least until I found myself in a controlling relationship. I didn't choose for my life to be this way, yet it is. I try to make the best of it for now, until I get on my feet again...and

  Very well put. I got pregnant at 18 and married to a real bastard, non JW (I wasn't one at the time either). He abused me verbally, emotionally and, on occasion, physically. I had two young babies and no where to go. No job skills, no family to take me in. Nothing.

  The JWs came along, found out my story, just told me to submit to him. That would make it all better. Needless to say, it did not. But of course, they were right there when he left me, first of all claiming disbelief (he is such a nice family man!) and then to say "God has called you to peace". Which, in fact, I feel he did.

  JW elders, for the most part, will NEVER encourage a woman to leave an abusive husband. I know of one JW woman. Her husband beat her, and beat their son. She finally couldn't take any more, so she left. She was harrangued constantly by the elders until she returned to him. That very night, he shot her and her son. They were only flesh wounds, but still....how horrible....the elders didn't give a damn, and they sure as hell never said they were sorry.

  I think JW men are ABSOLUTELY encouraged to be the "lord and master" and to look upon their wives as inferior.

  Beryl