I got the internet in my house and realised it's all lies....but as a pioneer/Ministerial servant I chose to fade. See I had family and friends who were fully strict Witnesses. No way could I get them out. So I played the poor lost soul brother who is not sure what's happening. I still do dinners with Witness friends who try to win me back. Not disfellowshiped for the last 15 years but I should be!
Fading is better then completely leaving...comments?
by Witness 007 43 Replies latest jw experiences
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jhine
I sort of get why people choose to fade but are you ever free ? You can't celebrate birthdays or Christmas if you want to . Can you have worldly friends? It seems like the Watchtower still kinda runs your life
I may be wrong about what you can actually get away with, but l am curious as to how much of a hold the Org does still have on you .
Do people who have made a clean break feel a sense of relief that they are free to live their lives as they wish ?
Does that outweigh the fact that some family and friends no longer talk to them ?
Jan from Tam
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BluesBrother
I am a fader , much like Witness 007. I get what Jan says and she is right, one is never free of it . But this means that I have kept my wife , my home and my extended family.
As our later years are now upon us my wife and I need each other more than ever. Despite our religious differences our relationship is better than it has ever been and I am very glad that I did it this way .
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Phizzy
Your circumstances and decision are very similar to mine when I left. Depending on an individuals circumstances, "fading" is always the best option for most, it leaves you as free of the org. in reality as those formerly chucked out.
And you are still free to interact to a degree with J.W's. It does mean that if you wish to retain your status,you have to bite your tongue a lot in the company of J.W's, but that is a small price to pay.
However, I do believe people should do what they feel is best for them, with the caveat that disassociating or whatever is hard to undo, and so it is advisable to let considerable time pass before a decision is made.
At first I longed to be "free" or the Org. and so considered disassociating, but as the years have passed I bless my decision not to. In reality faders are the most free out of all those that have left, and any perceived "hold" the org. still has over us is worth it. The only "hold" they still may have is having to watch our words, but as time has gone on I find myself more free to speak my mind anyway.
Since leaving I have lived my life as I wish to do, I Vote, I donate Blood, I celebrate Christmas and Birthdays with gusto ! I always felt that if I was DF'd for doing so I would suck that up, but I would not allow the Org. to prevent me living as I do. It never happened, despite the J.W family seeing my Christmas Tree a couple of years ago !
All the best to you, and any who have left the Org ! My son said the other day to another "fader" that "it is the best thing I ever did in my life, leaving the J.W's" , so true !
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TonusOH
I faded almost unwillingly, since I found it harder and harder to go to meetings. I wanted to remain a JW, but I guess enough things bothered me that I lost interest. If confronted, I would have explained myself and probably been DF. But I think they left me alone out of concern that any action taken against me would affect my mother too much, and I wasn't stirring up trouble so they probably felt it was better to ignore me.
I moved away from New York years ago and they've left me alone, though they could easily find me and talk to me. So I live my life as someone who is no longer in the org, but officially I am probably 'inactive' or something like that. If I had to make a choice between living as I wish and having to pretend to be a JW, I would leave. It's not only a suffocating situation to be in, but an insulting one as well, to be under their thumb when I know they are wrong.
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ElderBerry
“ I played the poor lost soul brother who is not sure what's happening. I still do dinners with Witness friends who try to win me back. Not disfellowshiped for the last 15 years but I should be!”
Yes this is better than hard exit where you will be shunned. Once it’s been long enough there is no need to shun you, usually a year or two.
Once you are known as inactive and basically no longer an active JW then even if you were living with someone unmarried or something there is no need to announce your name so that shunning will start.
If you keep friends who are still in and get invited round then you will be love bombed. If ever you decided to go to a meeting or someone’s wedding at the KHalk or something then you will be love bombed beyond measure.
If there was a situation where someone like this had drifted away and needed help with something like moving or something then the entire cong would bring food round and brothers would come and move your furniture and sisters would come and clean both the old place and the new place.
this is why it’s better to do a soft exit rather than a hard exit where you will be shunned.
Even better is the option of JWlite. You still go to meetings a few times a year but that is all
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stan livedeath
i decided in my 20-s i didnt want to be a dub any more--i had no interest in any religion--or belief in a god. Total nonsense,
I had grown up in the cult--baptised at 14, pioneered--a servant--married at 20 to a fanatical born in 3rd gen. But i was living a lie.
So--i resigned. But still attended a few meetings a year to stop the incessant nagging. No door knocking--no answering up--no praying ( which i hated anyway ). Just a bum on a seat--BUT I WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE--several other men in the hall were the same. BUT I WAS NEVER SHUNNED--by family, friends or other congregants.
This state of affairs continued for several years--till i ended up having one--an affaire that is--with one of the married sisters in the cong. Oops.
She was d.f'd--but apparently it was announced that i COULDNT be d/f--as i wasnt a JW ! Proof it had worked ! SO i was to be treated as apostate ( whatever that meant ? )---and to be treated as if d/f. Fine by me. No more meetings--ever again Free at last !
I was immediately shunned--although not by my family. My dub wife got a quick divorce--which i believe she had wanted for years. So--every body was happy.
So--back then "fading" hadnt been given that title--just something a lot of people did--rather than do something really naughty and being d/f.
Since my escape ive met lots of long term inactive jws who simply stopped going. But still identified as jw. --why not--if it makes their life easier.?
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stan livedeath
f there was a situation where someone like this had drifted away and needed help with something like moving or something then the entire cong would bring food round and brothers would come and move your furniture and sisters would come and clean both the old place and the new place.
ha ha--thats ridiculous--just using people for what you can get out of them
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ElderBerry
“ I sort of get why people choose to fade but are you ever free ? You can't celebrate birthdays or Christmas if you want to . Can you have worldly friends? It seems like the Watchtower still kinda runs your life
I may be wrong about what you can actually get away with, but l am curious as to how much of a hold the Org does still have on you .
Do people who have made a clean break feel a sense of relief that they are free to live their lives as they wish ?
Does that outweigh the fact that some family and friends no longer talk to them ?”
Jan from Tam you don’t understand the fading or JWlite option. Yes you can openly celebrate birthdays and other things once you are known as an inactive JW with no shunning needed.
You have the best of both worlds without any disadvantages. You have more advantages than a pimi because you will be so love bombed and given all the food at gatherings
you will be offered lifts and even accommodation and things like that.
i maintain that JWs really are great people this is why it’s worth making sure you don’t get shunned by them.
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ElderBerry
“thats ridiculous--just using people for what you can get out of them“
If you don’t offer help back yes, but with JW lite you have the option of going along to help next time someone moves and you can invite those who have been kind to you round for a meal.
it’s called being part of a community or social club even if you don’t believe the doctrine you can still be JW light