I and my family faded. But what Jw's think We just don't care. Faded or DF'd or Disassociated, does it matter to anyone in the world? No! Just Jdubs! Their stupid rules. I'm not a Jdubs, No rule applies.
Fading is better then completely leaving...comments?
by Witness 007 43 Replies latest jw experiences
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enoughisenough
so I am wondering if it is more difficult to leave/fade if you are a high hour publisher vs low hour, MS or elder vs rank and file...
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peacefulpete
This seems to be a popular topic. Our experience never allowed for a choice. We walked away, even moved...They pursued us and collected odd testimonials from people all over the country. Maybe we should have been flattered that we merited such attention. lol. I'm sure who we were made a great deal of difference.
Sure, if you can walk away, do it. I personally never felt the need to tell anyone off or write a manifesto detailing my views to people who didn't want to hear.
In the end we didn't have to lie to people, nor did we say stuff we would later regret. Control what you can but be true to yourself. Don't become someone you dislike to be liked by others.
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LongHairGal
WITNESS007:
I did a ‘Fade’ in 2001 because I just didn’t want any drama. As it was, I got the usual “we miss you” cards.
It had nothing to do with keeping in touch with family because my family were Roman Catholic and, thankfully, never in the JW religion. When I left I re-established contact with everybody. I admire when people disassociate the loud way and if this works for some, great!
With the recent changes at the 2023 annual meeting, there may be many angry Witnesses who feel they are done with it. I don’t blame them. Whatever they choose: whether Fading or DAing, I wish them all the best. Maybe this was the ‘last straw’.
The 1995 Generation teaching did it for me. But, if I were those who knocked themselves out in the ministry (for decades) when they should have been gainfully employed/paying into retirement, I would be physically ill.. I’m Glad I never listened! ..What difference does it make now if they hated me or never invited me years ago??
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Scully
Started my fade in mid 1990s by going to college across town. Moved to different Congregation™ and Circuit™ (and, as it turned out, District™), where nobody knew us and nobody would be looking for us (Mr. Scully & our kids).
Nobody from our old Congregation™ bothered to keep in touch. We all made new friends. I got a great job after graduating. Mr. Scully had started his own business and was doing very well. The kids loved their school, loved that they could participate in school activities, and celebrations.
It was a fairly painless process overall, until we moved house to the part of town where we lived before... that's a story that is featured in the archives.
Still very much worth the minor headaches at the time. I'm neither DFd nor DAd. Both sides of the family (the JW parts) have come to realize the damage shunning does within a family. My RC in-laws gave the JW brother in law (former RC) a 'come to Jesus' talking-to, and told him that when he became a JW none of them shunned him and his family, so if he was going to shun us, they would do the same to him. "Family is family" is their motto. He actually apologized to us at the last family reunion.
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moley
I was dis it was brutal for a time but I wouldn’t have it any other way. It was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders and a clean break
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ExBethelitenowPIMA
You can have that weight lifted from your shoulders by choosing JWlite. Things have changed recently and those who left years ago don’t understand how much things have changed.
I can see some toxic advice on these forums from xJWs who did hard exit and advise others to do the same because it makes them feel better about their decision. Misery loves company.
The best advice is not to do a hard exit because you will be shunned for the rest of your life by all JWs.
Just do a soft exit either become inactive and still go to meetings/ministry or fade completely and stop everything if that’s what you want.
Do it in a smart way. Don’t write a letter and don’t go and say something that will get you shunned.
It’s surprising these days what you can say and stay Jwlite. For example asking others in the congregation “have you ever doubted the GB?” Depending on how they answer you could take it either way by saying “yes we know the are not inspired or infallible they are just doing their best”
or you could push a little more if you feel you may be talking to someone else who is also jwlite.
For me I want to keep a hope that the Bibles promises may have some truth to them, but I don’t think anyone has the correct understanding or interpretation’s especially not JWs. But JWs are great people and it’s a great social club. As time goes on more and more are like me.
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JW GoneBad
Different strokes for different folks! Each XJW will exit this toxic cult in a way that best suits his needs. For me it's been a definite hard fade, maintaining a low profile. I'm shunned by those I choose to be shunned by...if that makes sense! I'm happy & content with life & the relationships I have.
I'm very happy & okay not being around anything toxic Watchtower/Jehovah’s Witnesses related.
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Phizzy
" so I am wondering if it is more difficult to leave/fade if you are a high hour publisher vs low hour, MS or elder vs rank and file..."
I wondered how difficult it would be when I just walked away. I was a MS, a high genuine hours Pub. and from a very well known JW family, with JW connections back to the early 1900's.
It was surprisingly easy ! I heard nothing for six months ! despite being not only all of the above, but the very best meeting Attender in my Congregation, always there.
I got the two Elder visit, which they claimed was a "Shepherding call", no Shepherding went on, they just tried to find a way to DF me !
I swatted their pathetic attempts aside, as I did on the second and last occasion. Good luck to anyone "leaving", even if it is only in their mind and not physically so much for now.
Be prepared, forearmed, and then enjoy Freedom of Mind !