Finally, after almost 3 years, they want to visit with me (page 2)

tepidpoultry

Just something that occurred to me,

With a sister there

Especially with the visit under the guise of a social affair

There will be no confidentiality,

What will be said

In all probability

Will be broadcast

Thoughout the countryside

:0)

StarTrekAngel

Lol Steve. No, I know exactly what they are coming for.

I discussed it with my wife during our lunch hour. Let me just say I was even more shocked at what my wife said. LOL

I mean in a good way. I guess I was not expecting her to react so favorably to something that has been a point of contention for quite a while.

In a nutshell we agreed we don't want to bring this up. That we welcome them in our home anytime but that currently we are not in a mental state to talk about the responsibilities of being a JW. I have quite a bit of pressure at work to perform (which is indeed true, my job is taking off for the better and I need to put a whole lot of attention to it) with quite a few people turning to me and trying to impose their views on how to manage our growth as a company. That if and when I go to the meeting I go seeking a spiritual refuge (my wife's word :D ) and that I've been missing meetings because we've been feeling under pressure there as well. From all the talks and publications which remind me of my shortcomings as a JW. While they are always welcome in my home and we appreciate their concerns as a true friend would concern, that we are afraid that if the conversation gets too deep into this matter I may loose my cool and say something that may be misinterpreted and we appreciate them too much as friends to risk that.

If they ask why? the answer would a polite is-non-of-your-business. In fact, my wife said it would be easier to tell them to fuck off but they would probably not take that the right way.

I was always madly in love with that woman but now more than ever. While this does not iron out all of our differences on the matter, it sure puts us a hell of a lot closer. The only doubt I have is that the elders may start questioning relatives. The best target they have is my mother in law, she lived with us recently. But my wife assures me she won't say anything. I guess we'll see.

StarTrekAngel

LOL. true that tepidpoultry.

I forgot to mention. I told my wife that I was surprised that the visit would him and his wife rather than two elders. She says she recalls a time (probably before I was a JW) when they would encourage couples where the man was an elder to sort of foster the company of other couples as a way to bring the spiritually weak up to speed. She feels that is the reason but I do not recall in my 17 years being a JW of ever hearing of such arrangement...

anybody?

sparrowdown

STA - You seem to be on the right track with not talking about your "spiritual report card" just don't go there if you want to remain under the radar. This is a fishing expedition for sure. Remember to smile and talk about the price of eggs and the weather.

tepidpoultry

Regarding couple initiatives,

Yes probably a number of decades back,

Socializing was used as a way to try to bring an "unbelieving mate" into

the truth,

It was about the only worldly association that I can think of that was

deemed acceptable,

A lot of "worldly" mates (men) wisely declined,

Come to think of it apart from work, I can't think of any worldly

association, actually approved that doesn't include witnessing

Be prepared!

:0)

Magnum

They might be a nice couple, they might really care about you, etc. HOWEVER, this type of thing really irritates, even infuriates, me. It's so unjust. Even though they might mean well, it's extremely condescending. I can assure you that they are not just coming by for a social visit, as if they just want to come by and see you. They view you and your wife as being weak and needing their help. In their are eyes, they are strong and stable and in a high place, while you and your wife are weak and unstable and in a low place. They are reaching out their strong hands to lift you out of your hole. Oh, how noble.

The reality is that they are deluded, ignorant, etc., and you are strong and discerning. I agree that we might have been like them at one time. If so, then we were condescending and deluded, too - at least at that time. The difference is that we woke up.

I hope one day we can tell them all the real truth in a forceful and unapologetic (but not unkind) way. Right now, because of not wanting to damage family relations, etc., some of us have to play games with them and let them think they're so strong while we are weak. I hope JWdom gets more and more revealed for what it really is, and some JWs realize how wrong they were.

never a jw

Just social? JW's are the only ones who invite themselves to someone else's house.

StarTrekAngel

YEah... I guess she meant to say we were not expected to roll out the red carpet. Just a chat. I guess you could say you would like for a good friend to pay you a visit when you are sick and that is the way they see it. Either way we are not falling for it.

ToesUp

You don't believe they will do a bait and switch...and 2 elders show up instead of his wife? Just be prepared we've had some sneaky Elders around here. I wish you and your wife the best!

EyesOpenHeartBroken

Just beat them at their game and take back the control. If you have conceded to the couple inviting themselves to your home "socially", then you need to own the evening.

Insist that they come for dinner. I then would invite another family (non elder with kids) over. Pizza (or whatever sounds good) and board game or a movie. Keep it casual, fun, and kid centric. Be as gracious as ever and act oblivious to the reason they asked to come over. The key to this working is DO NOT tell the original couple you invited the other family or they may bail and try to reschedule.

As nice as they seem, they are pulling a power play on you. Many JWs employ this tactic on bible students, return visits, and inactives and are clueless how to extremely rude this is. If the tables were turned and you invited your family to THEIR house on YOUR timetable, I guarantee they would be taken aback. If they really just missed your company and wanted to "socialize", they would invite you to their home or to go out to eat.

They want the upper hand in the uncomfortable "encouragement" they are going to offer you. They probably have a vision of you and your wife having a heart to heart with them, breaking down in tears, and expressing your extreme appreciation for their care. Then in this touching moment, you pledge your allegiance to the Org and they pledge to continue helping (pestering) you.

Don't offer any excuse/reason for your absence in JW stuff. The best is if you act like you don't even notice you are inactive. Keep it super light hearted and fun--and don't let the kids go off into another room--keeps things chaotic and not too deep. You will derail their plans.

Remember--it's YOUR home. Don't give over your power. Just keep telling yourself everything is AWESOME!

Finally, after almost 3 years, they want to visit with me

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