I sent Cruzanhart letter to my parents

by lisavegas420 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  lisavegas420

  First a little background. I was raised in the truth. Got disfellowshiped at 20 something, reinstated a year later, but was never really accepted before or after , just didn't fit in somehow. Even tryed to axuliary pioneer. Nothing. When I tried to talk to my Elder father, he said it was my own fault. The depression, the migraines, the whole not fitting in with the others, it was all my own fault. I was disfellowshiped again (i think) I quit going to the meetings, lived with a man, and never spoke to a witness or went to the meetings again.

  I believe it is now in the mid to late 80"s. Life goes on. I met and married a wonderful man that loved my children as his own. Got an education and a great job. Raised my two children now 23 and 18. Have two granddaughters 5 and 9 mos. My parents didn't even know them my husband, children, or granddaughters.

  Okay fast forward, it is now March 2003. My dad calls out of the blue it has been what 15 years or so. He calls to tell me that my mom is in the hospital. I should call her, if I want. ..Of course I want too.....I call, we have a pleasant conversation. ...I promise to send her pictures of the kids...

  My children just happen to be going to KY to visit their friends. I ask them to stop by my parents house and drop off the pictures that we had gathered.

  Here is where I may have messed up......I sent a copy of the letter that Cruzanhart had sent to the elders about her Dad.

  It is now Thursday, March 13, 2003....Another phone call from my Dad....He got the pictures and the letter. His first question is "Are you an Apostate?" Me....WHAT? He said he and my mom couldn't even read the letter because it was written by an apostate. I said no she isn't, she was hurt by the Jehovah's Witness and now her father is dead because of mistreatment he received after all his years of faithful service. I sent the letter because I was concerned about this family and others in the same situation. He insisted it was all lies. (he didn't even read it)

  Then the same old song and dance, about men being imperfect, and to wait on Jehovah and to read the magazines and go to the meetings. I said what about this man that is now dead because of the mistreatment. He again said it was not true, and even if it was it was his own fault. I starting to get loud at this point and cry on the phone..".How can you blame them?" "Dad, this is why I don't go to the meetings, you people could care less about human suffering"

  Then, I ask how many witness have been to see Mom since her recent surgery. He said a couple, but that the witness are very busy people and that they are building a new kingdom hall, " I said the building is more important then the people?"

  I think it will be years before I hear from them again. Although he did ask if I had talked to an elder and that I am supposed to get a visit once a year. I said no I only had one visit in the last 15 years, The elder that came only stayed a minute and said I only stoped because "your dad asked me to," It was not a shepherding call.

  Did I do wrong?

  Lisa
• 

  Gamaliel

  lisa,

  Obviously, you didn't do anything wrong. Seems that you really wanted them to understand you a bit better, or you wouldn't have sent the letter. That's natural. Nothing wrong with that. Your expectations for their ability to understand may have been too high. As you know, JWs learn through the years to have "no natural affection."

  They tell themselves they are the most loving people on the face of the earth. The letter cuts them, because it cuts to the heart of the only rational belief they have left about themselves that woud make Jehovah spare them at Armageddon and allow Jehovah to kill up to 99% of the rest of the world.

  Deep down, they know that their weak little chronologies, and "provable" yet ever-changing doctrines, and petty rules, and works (reported monthly) don't really make them any better Christians to a God who really only asks for love according to their own Bible. They would all sheepishly accept if the WTS told them, no more 1914, no more medical rules. But they'd know something was wrong if they were told "Oh, and by the way, we are no longer to consider ourselves the most loving people on earth." You struck a nerve. In the long run, maybe the message will help them "out."

  They know you better and you tried to do them a favor by showing them how stupid their religion is. If they think shunning you is doing you a favor, the letter may make them realize that you see through it.

  Gamaliel
• 

  Maverick

  Dear Lisa: I feel for you and the years of loss to your family. Your Father and Mother and your children never got to know each other. My own daughter, who was never baptized but was raised around the J-duds, has never gotten to know her Grandparents because of the policies of the Witnesses. Because I am so outspoken about the evil band of criminals up in Brooklyn, I am the worst kind of aspostate. An apostate of the GoverningBodyGod! Better to curse the True God that the Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses. The True God teaches forgiveness, the GBG never forgive!

  What was done to you, me, and countless others by the GBG is a sin against humanity. These religious thieves had stolen the hearts of their victims and turned these foolish dupes into the same heartless, souless, superficial cold fish that they themselves are. I wish you and your family peace. Maverick
• 

  Shutterbug

  I think your Dad is in a turmoil right now. He said it was all lies, but deep down inside he knows better. Sometimes the truth hurts and this is a classic case of a man not wanting to face that truth. Did you do wrong ? I don't think so. You have made him think about his own actions and the wrecking of his family as a direct result. He isn't going to accept you in any event, unless he can see thru the Watchtower lies.
• 

  cruzanheart

  Thank you so much for thinking enough of my letter to pass it on to your parents. I'm sorry for your sake that they reacted that way, but even when it hurts sometimes it's good to know right from the start where a person stands. And if they didn't read the letter, how could they judge its contents or the writer? At least this validates your reality that you have been doing the right thing to stay away all this time. I hope you'll be able to salvage some sort of relationship with them, but make sure it's on your terms so you won't be hurt anymore.

  Lots of love and hugs,

  Nina
• 

  Shutterbug

  Hello Nina,

  The man apparently called you a liar. If you had the time and money, and inclination, that would sure be an interesting court case. Might be fun to get the fellows address from lisavegas and send him a letter to that effect, or better yet, ask your attorney to do so. Guess I'm a little too wound up over this and am taking it personally, as I know you and know you to be an honest person.

  Bug
• 

  cruzanheart

  Thanks, Shutterbug! I hereby appoint you my Knight in Shining Armor (after Big Tex, of course!). Yep, that's definitely slander of the worst sort, but I'm saving my ammunition and legal fees for the local fish, should they decide to surface. Haven't heard a peep yet. Besides, it would probably put Lisa in a very awkward position, and I don't want to do that to her. Let them live in their fantasy world. However, if I EVER meet them in person, LOOK OUT!!! Someone once told me I look like my dad but sound like my mother, and that's the Greek side.

  Nina
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  blondie

  Nina, I can remember when I was trying to enlist some JW aid for my sister and I when we went to the elders about our abusive JW father. Some wouldn't even discuss it; some said it was all lies; and some said we caused it. It was a long fight to force them to discuss, admit he had abused us and that we didn't cause it. I am not surprised at this man's reaction to the letter. As one poster's name illustrates, many feel ignorance is bliss. When the articles came out in 1982 and 1983 I thought that JWs had read them. One older sister confessed to me that she never read articles like that because they disturbed her. I asked her how much more disturbing it was to be a victim and have no one want to talk about it.

  Your letter was great and any loving and open person would read it and be appalled at the lack of love. The others want to live in la-la land. That may be possible until the lack of love hits the fan in their personal world.

  Blondie (not surprised at the reaction)
• 

  Big Tex

  Lisa

  First of all, hear me when I say this: you did nothing wrong. I want to echo what others have said and that is the anger your father expressed is at himself as well as the organization. But he will not allow himself to even acknowledge it so he does the cowardly thing and takes it out on you. That, if you'll forgive me, is how a poor father behaves. A bad parent also ignores their child for over 15 years, as well as your children. Jesus said that the whole world would know his followers because they would show love. Is this behavior loving? And the Witnesses are "too busy" to show love to your hospitalized mother? None so blind as those who will not see.

  I had lunch once a week with Nina's father. I saw the agony on his face as he described what was happening to him. And when he cried from the pain, the tears were genuine. And when he could not deal with the cruelty of Jehovah's Witnesses, he began to medicate his pain through drugs and alcohol. I saw this with my own eyes and I have never felt so helpless as I watched him die just a little bit every day. If I saw this, how much more so did God see? I still believe in God and I believe he was there when Bill died. I believe that as Bill began to deteriorate mentally and emotionally, God did not look at him with harsh judgment, criticism, anger and denial as Jehovah's Witnesses do. Rather I believe he looked at Bill with tender affection and more than a little sadness, as you do with your mother and father. That is genuine love.

  You didn't ask my opinion, but I'll offer it anyway. I think you are better off emotionally not having a relationship with your father. His rejection of the letter has thrown you into a shame spiral, and that is just not fair. You did nothing wrong. Indeed, you were reaching out to him, only to see your outstretched hand slapped away. That is not how a loving father behaves. But it is how Jehovah's Witnesses behave. I would imagine your life is better now than it was 15 or 20 years ago. God doesn't build crap. Listen to your gut and you will know what to do regarding your parents. Just know in your heart that you were a better daughter to him, than he was a father to you. You are a good person, and you should be proud, not ashamed, that you reached out to him.

  Peace,

  Chris
• 

  animal

  Lisa,

  As I told you last nite... you did fine. I have gone thru this for about 30 years and you harden to it.

  Yell anytime if you need one of my pep talks.

  Animal